Category: The “Something” Series: Season 3

When I first met Haram, I wasn’t looking to be in another relationship. I was attending an event at my niece’s school for Chuseok, and Haram was one of the coordinators for the event. The kids loved her; she barely had a moment to talk to any of the parents after the event.

“Ya,” Mina nudged me on the shoulder. “You should go and talk to her.”

“Am I here to support Aeri, or pick up women?” I asked, getting red in the face. Mina laughed as she shook her head.

“She’s not Aeri’s teacher,” Mina explained. “She’s one of the teachers that puts these events together for the parents and children.” I looked at Haram, admiring how classic of a beauty she truly was. “Plus, she’s really pretty.”

“Ya,” I sucked my teeth as I reacted. Mina started to laugh, holding Aejeong in her arms and walking away from me. Moments later, Aeri comes running up to me, nearly almost tripping over her hanbok.

“Aeri-ya,” I greeted my niece, hugging her as she ran into my arms. I picked her up to see the picture she had painted in her class. “So pretty!” It wasn’t after that the girl I was looking at from across the room came up to me, smiling as she saw me with Aeri. Aeri was the first one to say something, waving to her.

“Haram seonsaengnim,” Aeri called out. Haram. Unique.

“Hi, Aeri,” she looked at Aeri before looking at me. “Who is this man with you?”

“I’m her uncle,” I answered, bowing politely. “I’m Jaemin.”

“Jaemin,” Haram repeated as she smiled. “I’m Haram.” I smiled at her, feeling something completely foreign. It was like talking to this woman made me feel some sort of warmth, and light after years of traveling to and from America. She was your traditional naive Korean women; sophisticated and carried herself in a way that was common for Korean women. It makes sense why Mina wanted me to talk to her in the first place.

…

“Haram,” I spoke into the phone, pacing back and forth in front of her apartment outside of my car. “Are you ready yet? We have to be at Shawn’s place by 6.”

“Jaemin,” Haram mimicked my tone of voice. “Give me two minutes; I am trying to find the right purse for my outfit.” I rolled my eyes, hanging up the phone as I waited for her. Most of the time, Haram and I were late to things because she always had to show up fashionably late. My phone began to ring again, and immediately picked up after seeing it was Shawn.”

“We’re on our way,” I quickly said, knowing he’s probably panicking about of anxiety for tonight’s dinner. “Haram’s still getting ready.”

“Jamie, being late to an event? That’s unacceptable,” Shawn teased. “Hurry up, Hyung; you’re the only one left.”

…

Shawn hanged up the phone and turned around to face us and Skylar. “He’s running a little late.” Skylar rolled her eyes and sighed. “His girlfriend needed some extra time.”

“It’s fine,” Skylar said, getting up from the couch. She looked over at Sahim and me and smiled. “You guys want something to drink? We have Soju–“

“Soju?” Sahim immediately questioned.

“Alcohol,” I chimed in, clearing up his confusion. Skylar went to the kitchen and opened the small bottle of Soju, followed by grabbing a couple of shot glasses from the cabinet.

“You want to try some?” Skylar asked Sahim. Sahim looked hesitant at first, looking at me before answering.

“No, no; it’s fine,” Sahim answered, leaning back in his seat.

“Sahim,” I said as I put my hand on his lap. “It’s okay. Plus, this is Sky and Shawn’s last few hours left in Ulsan before heading back to America. Let’s enjoy the night.” I looked at Skylar and Sahim, who are now looking at me confused. “What?”

“You’re sober, Grace,” Skylar mentioned, pouring two shot glasses of Soju for her and Sahim. I watched the Soju hit the shot glass as she poured, smelling the alcohol come from the bottle. I had been sober even before coming to Korea, but I always felt left out in certain festivities as drinking is such a social thing to do. It made me wonder if I was able to even handle just a tiny shot of Soju. It was tempting, especially now that we are gearing towards the end of the production and being in Korea. “Babe, do you want a shot?” Skylar asked as Shawn came into the room, immediately shaking his head.

“I’m seriously never drinking again,” Shawn protested. I could relate, thinking about the night that he came back with Jamie completely wasted. Skylar shrugged her shoulders, handing the shot glass to Sahim while holding hers up.

“Here’s to being the fun ones in our relationships,” Skylar joked around, taking the shot with Sahim. He winced, chugging the shot down. Skylar also winced at the strong taste. “Yeah, you don’t want none of this.” I rolled my eyes when the bell of the front door began to ring. Shawn went to go answer it, greeting Jamie at the door.

“Hyung!” Shawn happily said as he hugged Jamie. Jamie walked into the apartment, followed by his girlfriend. I felt Sahim getting tense in his seat. He leaned to grab the bottle of Soju, pouring himself another glass of Soju.

“Another shot?” I pointed out to Sahim. “We didn’t even eat yet.” Sahim didn’t say anything, he just started at Shawn and Skylar greet the other couple that entered the room. Both Sahim and I got up from our seat, bowing to greet Jamie and his girlfriend.

“Nice to see you both again,” Jamie’s girlfriend, Haram, greeted us. She looked at me and quickly turned around, facing Jamie as she held his hand. That’s weird.

“Come sit,” Shawn finally said, escorting the couple into the living room area. “Hyung mentioned that you were fashionably late again, Haram.”

“Jaemin!” Haram playfully hit Jamie on the arm before turning back around towards Shawn and Skylar. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean for us to be so late.”

“Girl, relax; it’s fine,” Skylar playfully told Haram. Haram didn’t react to Sky’s comment, she just turned around and spoke to Shawn with Jamie by her side. I didn’t realize that Haram was holding Jamie’s hand the same way that Sahim was holding mine. Did Jamie tell her about me? Why does it even matter if he did or not?

“So Haram,” Sahim started to say. I nervously looked at him, hoping he wasn’t about to say something smart to her. “I didn’t get the chance to formally introduce myself last time.” He held out his hand and introduced himself. “I’m Sahim; Grace’s boyfriend.”

“It’s nice to formally meet you,” Haram said as she shook his hand. “Are you also here from America?”

“I am,” Sahim answered. “I work in the Ulsan production; behind the scenes.” Haram nodded her head, looking at Jamie before turning back toward us.

“Oh, is that how you met Grace?” Haram asked, smiling to seem polite. I didn’t say anything; I felt exposed and wanted nothing more to hide under a rock. Sahim nodded his head, smiling as he looked at me.

“She’s one of the dancers in the production,” he began to explain. “I may be biased, but she’s the best dancer in the production. She has her own solo in the show and everything.” Haram kept nodding her head to the point where I didn’t know if she even understood anything he was saying.

“Fascinating,” Haram said and smiled, looking back at Jamie as Jamie looked at me.

…

I couldn’t stop looking at Grace, and see the absolute worry on her face. Sahim holds her close to him, protecting her as if she needed a man to actually do that. Buddy, she’s the better person in your relationship to protect you being in this foreign country. Haram held me close to her; it was understandable considering she knew about my past with Grace. She wasn’t ever this insecure in a room with an ex of mine, even seeing Seohyun with Lia a couple of months ago didn’t bother her as much as seeing Grace did.

“I remember seeing you in the show,” Haram said to Grace, of course smiling as she did. She was trying to kill Grace with kindness. It was a very ‘Haram’ thing to do. “I almost didn’t recognize you without your costume and makeup on.” There it goes. Grace laughs it off, nodding her head without saying anything else.

“Haram,” I finally said, giving her a break from speaking. “Would you like a drink?” I leaned forward to grab the Soju on the table.

“Thank you, babe,” Haram said, touching my shoulder as I leaned back to her. I looked at Sahim, noticing his glass was also empty. “Would you like another shot?”

“Sure,” Sahim simply said, holding out his glass. I didn’t say anything to Grace, knowing that she was sober.

“Grace, would you also like a drink?” Haram asked her. Skylar immediately intervened, overhearing the conversation.

“She doesn’t drink,” Skylar mentioned. Haram looks up at her before continuing the conversation. I knew Haram did not like Skylar, but she was making it extremely known that she didn’t. Haram laughs before she starts speaking again.

“How did you even survive being in Korea this long?” Haram teased as she took the glass from me. “Not drinking in Korea makes you stand out even more like a sore thumb.”

“Haram,” I whispered to her, trying to get her to be nice. While Haram was somewhat right, she failed to mention that she doesn’t go out to many events because she, herself, isn’t able to handle her alcohol well either.

“You’d be surprised at all of things I’ve been able to do in Korea without alcohol,” Grace spat back and smiled.

“I guess your job has an itinerary of all the things foreigners can do while living here,” Haram mentioned, pouring more Soju into her glass.

“Haram, that’s enough,” I try to take the glass away from her, spilling some of the Soju on her dress.

“Dude,” Sahim chimed in, handing napkins to Haram to wipe down her dress.

“Thank you, Sahim,” Haram says as she wipes her dress. “Now I’m going to reek of alcohol all night.”

“I mean you’re in Korea, aren’t you supposed to smell like it at a social event?” Grace said underneath her breath.

“Babe,” Sahim turned around, scolding her. “That’s not nice.”

“And what was said to Grace was?” I spat back, sick and tired of hearing Sahim speak the way he did to Grace. Sahim turned around to face me once again.

“Let’s squash it, okay?” Grace said before Sahim had the chance to speak. She started getting up from her seat. “Sahim, I’m going to get us something to eat.” She started walking to the kitchen. Skylar follows after her cousin.

…

“Yo,” Skylar said as she entered the kitchen. She placed her glass of Soju on the counter next to us. “You’re okay?”

“I’m just trying to get through the night so that I don’t ever have to see Haram again,” I confessed. “It’s like she knows I’m his ex or something.”

“The way that Sahim knows Jamie’s your ex?” Skylar rationalized. “I don’t know what the hell is going on with the four of you, but Haram and Sahim are acting real insecure out there.”

“Sahim isn’t insecure,” I quickly defended my relationship. “He’s just being–“

“An overprotective boyfriend that’s drinking his stress away?” Skylar interrupted. “Listen, I don’t need a fight breaking out because Sahim and Haram feel the need to chug down a whole bottle of Soju to get through the night–“

“I told Sahim that I spent the day with Jamie a couple of weeks ago,” I admitted for the first time to Skylar. She looked at me like I was some supernatural force of some sort. She blinked, trying to piece the words of the sentence together.

“What?” Skylar asked, seeming to be the only word see had to say.

“It wasn’t anything serious,” I tried to reasonably explain, but I knew it was already too late. Skylar already has her mind made up.

“What were you even doing out in the middle of nowhere with your—“ Skylar let out a frustrated sigh. “Grace.”

“Look, we’re just trying to put our differences aside so that we can at least be cordial in social events for the sake of you and Shawn.” I was really trying to convince her that it wasn’t a big deal, but Skylar knew exactly what to ask next.

“Two things, and then I want to squash this bullshit and go back inside,” Skylar sternly said, taking a breath in between before asking what she need to ask.

“Whatever,” I reacted, trying to play this conversation off as a silly one.

“First things first,” Skylar started to say. “If the hang out wasn’t anything serious, then why did you feel so guilty enough to even tell Sahim?” First shot blown. “Secondly, if you were so over your ex, then why are you keeping your ‘cordial hangouts’ a secret from us?” Second wind.

“Sky?” Shawn called out as he walked into the kitchen. He sees me standing there, but quickly turns his head to Skylar. “You want me to set up for dinner or—“

“Yeah, no; we’re doing this the correct way,” Skylar began to say as she started to grab the trays of food from the counter. “We got Miss Korea sitting in our damn dining area.” Shawn shook his head at her comment, knowing it was classic Skylar talk. I stayed behind, pondering on Skylar’s questions. She had a point; I felt extremely guilty if I didn’t tell Sahim, but if it was truly just trying to be cordial with Jamie, why didn’t I tell him sooner? You’re stupid for thinking anything else, Grace.

There was something about Jamie that I didn’t quite understand. Something about his meetings felt familiar and secure, despite our complicated past. All I wanted was for Jamie to forgive me for what I did when we were together; to understand the decision behind it. A part of me feels like he has, and that’s why he’s able to just coexist in my world. Maybe he’s solely just being nice to me and doesn’t feel anything for me. But I know Jamie. I know myself. Jamie was truly the one that got away. The something that the darkness once stole.

I didn’t remember how I got here; all I know is that I had Skylar’s drink in my hand, chugging the glass down before she came back for it. It had been so long I tasted alcohol; it was bitter, and it burned the back of my throat. It made me breathe easier, rolling the stress and sadness off of my body and created this layer of numbness, causing me to not feel things anymore. I just wanted everything to stop. I just want my mind to be quiet for a bit. I want to stop thinking about my family, this production, Sahim, my fucking future in this career choice–

I unscrewed the top of the soju bottle and began to chug down the little of it that was left on the counter.

And Jamie.

…

“Grace?” I walked into the kitchen and froze in place. I saw Grace at the counter, holding the bottle of Soju to her lips, drinking what was left of it. What did you do, Grace?

I was blanking out in space in the middle of rehearsal. Not only did I have this solo replaying in my head for when it was time to practice it, but I have tonight’s dinner with Shawn, Sky, and course; Jamie and his girlfriend. I tried to not dwell on it too much, but I can’t lie and say that I wasn’t worried about the possibilities of having all three couples in the same room for a cordial dinner.

“Hello? Earth to Grace,” Aimee waved her hand in my face as she spoke to me. I blinked, snapping out of my deep thought. She started laughing as she sat in the seat next to me. “Already mentally checked out?”

I rolled my eyes, shaking my head. “If only I can.”

“We’re almost at the home stretch,” Aimee mentioned, looking our toward the stage with the other dancers. “I felt like we’ve done this show a million times already. I can do it in my sleep.” I looked at her, laughing at her comment.

“Homesick yet?” I asked. Aimee sighed before answering. I guess so. I out my hand on hers, reassuring her. “We’ll be back in America in no time.”

“It’s just going to be weird to go back to Atlanta and see my boyfriend’s things out of my apartment,” Aimee admitted. Aimee’s had a rough year being in Korea. Her and her boyfriend have been on and off, trying to work something out and ultimately, they decided to end things. I understood what was going through Aimee’s head; we’ve spent so much of our time and life being professional dancers for a production across the country for a year. Although we’ve been away for most of the year, life has continued for our loved ones, and who knows just how much a part we still are in their lives coming back.

I wonder if my mom had this thought when she was coming back from her production.

“I get it,” I finally said, trying to reassure her as much as possible. “We still have to take our girl’s trip when we go back to America. We need to celebrate the hard work we endured this past year.”

“Yeah,” Aimee simply said, sighing before she looked up at me. “Did you and Sahim figure out how your long-distance relationship is going to work out?”

“No,” I quickly said, looking now toward the stage. “We’ll figure something out.”

“What; you’re going to leave your life in New York to live with him in the west coast?” Aimee shifted in her seat, now her body was completely facing me. “Or is he going to be the one to move to New York to be with you?”

“I don’t know, Aimee,” I said, now growing annoyed. “I’m trying to focus on one thing at a time.” Aimee finally sat back toward her seat, now also watching the rehearsal on stage.

“You’re going to have to make big woman decisions soon,” Aimee commented, not looking at me. “I mean, look at how fast time went by. We were just landing in Ulsan and now we’re already 2 months away from leaving.” I don’t look at Aimee, not because she’s getting me mad, but what she’s saying is ultimately the truth. It’s been so easy to blame the last remaining rehearsals on why I haven’t spoken to Sahim about the future. What am I so afraid of? Getting ahead of myself to get my heart broken in the end? Or am I just not prepared for what’s to come?

…

“Grace,” Sonia stops the music and walks up toward the side of the stage, sighing loudly. I catch my breath, tired from dancing for the past hour. “What’s going on? You’re trying to tell me this is what you came up with?”

“I apologize,” I said in between deep breaths. “I didn’t have time to stretch before rehearsal.” The concert hall was now empty; it was only me and Sonia left. “I promise I—“

“Grace,” Sonia stopped me, this time more gentle with her tone. She took off her glasses and looked at me. “This isn’t like you to make all of these mistakes in your choreography. You clearly have some things troubling you.” I shook my head, trying to play it off.

“I’m fine,” I quickly said, getting myself back in place. “I’ll take it from here—“

“Grace,” Sonia said one last time, this time in a more worried tone. “You’re a grown woman, and I understand you have things going on outside of the production, but don’t make me have to call Mollie and tell her that her daughter is going through shit that’s affecting her dancing.” I looked at Sonia, sighing and sitting on the ground. Surprisingly, she sits on the ground too, across from me.

“The pressure is just getting to me; that’s all,” I said, shaking off the feeling.

“Thinking about home?” Sonia asked. What is it with these people asking me the same damn questions?

I scoffed at Sonia’s question. “Isn’t everyone? It’s about to be October. The last show is the week before Christmas.”

“No doubt,” Sonia agreed. “But I’m asking if you’re thinking about home, and what is that going to look like when you get back.” Bullseye. I couldn’t say anything back, I just nodded my head. Sonia smiled in understanding. “It’s scary; I know. Even in my position, it’s scary to figure out how you’re going to fit back into people’s lives again.”

“But it comes with the profession,” I added, sighing as I did. “If anyone knows, it’s me.”

“She always thought about you while we were in India,” Sonia admitted. “Mollie couldn’t shut up about you at times.”

“She never came back,” I spat out, feeling defensive. “So whatever she said to you, she didn’t mean it—“

“She meant every word,” Sonia interrupted. “She turned down the position of director for the following production; she wanted to go back home.” I looked at Sonia, confused. This was the first time that I’m hearing this about my mom. “The production after us suffered a great loss in not having Mollie a part of it. She was determined she was going home to see you—“

“She never did,” I simply stated. Sonia looked at me before she spoke.

“She carried a lot of shame when the time came to go back to America,” Sonia began to explain. “We all did. My son was graduating kindergarten the year we did the production in India. I went back just when he was about to finish 1st grade. It… was extremely hard to go back and face the people I had left for the sake of my career. I can only imagine Mollie was going through an even deeper internal struggle.”

“I missed my daughter’s first day of school,” I admitted, trying to fight back tears. “I missed a lot of her firsts because of my career.”

“Then finish what you started here and go home to her,” Sonia simply said. “I’m sure you promised her that you’ll see her when you get back.” It was hard to believe that it was as easy as Sonia put it out, but I had to put some trust in her advice as a mother herself. There’s no doubt that I’m fighting my anxiety of facing Willow after a year of phone calls and bonding time through video chat. What if she doesn’t remember me that well anymore? What if she decided that she didn’t want me, or need me in your life anymore? What if I don’t fit in the tiny universe she created for herself?

Before I can say anything, the alarm on my phone goes off. I quickly take it outside of my bag, noticing the reminder on my phone. I quickly get up, not realizing the time.

“I’m sorry, I have to get going,” I began to say as I gathered my things. “I’m supposed to meet up with my cousin for dinner tonight.” Sonia nodded as she began getting up from the ground. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Sonia!” I shouted as I ran out of the concert hall.

I took off my headphones momentarily to wipe the sweat off of my face. I looked at the mirror, sweaty and out of breath after finishing the number. It was harder than the one Sonia gave me for the first half of the production. The moves were more difficult to execute, and my technique and to be flawless to do this routine well. The crazy thing is that I was the one that created the routine as if I like torturing myself. Something told me that this was the routine that mattered the most in my life. Sure, every performance I’ve ever did and every number I learned for a show mattered, but there was something about being in my 30s and performing in a once-in-a-lifetime production. Chances like this don’t come easy for dancers my age simply because our bodies are not as flexible and durable in the way it was when we were young dancers. I remember what my body was when I last danced competitively; I was 17 years old. Remembering my body from that time makes me wonder what kind of technique and skill would I have mastered if I kept dancing in my 20s. I would’ve been so much better than my mom if I did.

I sighed as I took a sip from my water bottle. Before I was about to put my headphones on, I hear my phone ring off. I walked over to answer my phone; it was Skylar.

“Hey,” I answered as I put my phone on speaker. “Need help packing your 15 bags back to America?”

“Ha ha,” Sky deadpanned as she responded. “I have Shawn helping me do just that, thank you very much.” I smiled as she spoke. She finally feels like my cousin Skylar.

“You guys are doing alright?” I asked. Things were getting intense the last time I was at Skylar’s place with Shawn, Sahim, and… Jamie.

“We’re doing fine,” Skylar began to explain. “We spoke things out and just focusing on getting back to Cali to be with my dad.”

“And that marriage proposal?” I asked. I had to ask. “Where does that stand–“

“We’re not engaged, Grace,” Skylar cleared up. She seemed annoyed to explain the situation. “Is marriage out of the picture because I said no this one time?”

“Does he know that?” I asked again. “What if he doesn’t ask you again?”

“Do you know something that I don’t?” Skylar began questioning me.

“What? No,” I quickly answered, sighing as I walked around the rehearsal space. “Sky, I’m just saying that if you don’t communicate with him, he’s going to think you’re never going to be ready to get married.”

“But telling him that we eventually will get married means I said yes, which defeats the purpose of me saying no in the first place,” she debated back to me.

“Sky, I’m just saying to make sure you communicate with Shawn about this,” I repeated, not wanting to get into an argument with her.

“With all due respect,” Skylar began to say. I rolled my eyes as she said it.

“Which means it’s about be disrespectful as hell, but go on,” I responded back. Skylar took a minute to say anything back.

“You’re right, because you’re talking to me as if you’re in this successful marriage or some shit,” Skylar spat back at me. “The last time I checked, you were about to marry a man just because you were carrying his kid–“

“I was in love with Max,” I corrected Skylar, feeling defensive.

“Not enough to stay together once the baby is born,” Skylar fought back. I was getting angry now; Skylar was notorious for bringing up your past when she felt like she was being threatened in any way possible.

“What are you trying to get at, Sky?” I asked, wanting to get Skylar to say what she wants to say. “I’m just simply saying that Shawn is a native, Korean man. He came to Korea with the intention of going back to the States with a fiancee. Korean men don’t string you along for long; they will tell you how they feel and make the moves to quickly–“

“Grace, please,” Skylar began to laugh. “You dated one Korean man, and now you speak for the entire country? You and Jamie wouldn’t have known what a healthy relationship was even if it hit you both in the face; please be for real.” I know Skylar always had an opinion with my relationship with Jamie. She didn’t understand it at the time; many people didn’t. I know half of her harsh comments were made with fear of being so far away from her dad while he’s ill, but half of it came from a place that she thought and kept inside her for so long. That’s what hurts the most.

“I have to go,” I dismissed the conversation. “I have shit to do.”

“Whatever,” Skylar said as she hung up the phone. I took a deep breath and looked at myself in the mirror. Out of nowhere, I let out the loudest scream I possibly could.

…

I sat at one of the seats in cafe near the theater. I placed my coffee on top of the table and sat down feeling exhausted. Skylar never texted me or called me back, which was understandable. She has always been this stubborn for as long as I’ve known her. It worried me this time though. What if she isolates herself from everyone? What if she goes back to America and completely cuts me out of her life? Skylar was the closest thing to a sister I have, and it would kill me if she lets this get in between us.

“Grace?” I hear someone call out my name. I looked up and saw who it was. Surprisingly, it was Jamie. He stood there in a pair of shorts and a loose gym t-shirt.

“Jamie,” I said as I was trying to take everything in. “Hi.” He stood there awkwardly for a moment; he was clearly uncomfortable.

“How-how are you?” he asked me as he cleared his throat. I couldn’t help but smirk at Jamie. I sometimes wonder how he lasted this long being a lawyer with the worst poker face ever. “What?”

“Nothing,” I said as I adjusted in my seat and sighed. “You really wanna know how I’m doing?” Jamie didn’t say anything; he simply pulled out the seat across from me and sat down, placing his backpack on the ground next to him. I guess so. “Stressed as fuck.”

“Oh,” Jamie reacted. “As fuck.” I looked at Jamie as I almost burst out laughing. Jamie still had an accent whenever he spoke English. He also always did this thing whenever he heard something weird like slang, he had a habit to repeat it without even realizing it. “Sorry, force of habit.” he said.

“It’s cool,” I simply said as I took a sip of my coffee.

“What’s been stressing you out?” Jamie asked. I sighed when he did.

“Well,” I began to say. “I’m choreographing a number for the end of the production and it’s been taking a toll on my body. Now I know why dancers my age retire; their bones don’t do anything but crack.”

“Why are you making the dance so hard for yourself then?” he asked. Jamie always asks questions.

“This dance is special,” I answered, sighing afterwards. “I think this is going to be my last dance in elite.”

“Elite?” Jamie questioned.

“Professional,” I explained. “This production is not for the weak.”

“It’s not,” Jamie agreed. “It is why you got chosen to be a part of it.”

“Thanks,” I simply said as I played with the paper straw on top of my drink. “I’m very grateful to be a part of it, but I think it’s time I shifted my focus on dancing to something else.” Jamie shifted in his seat as he took in what I was telling him. I didn’t understand why or how I was so comfortable to even be telling him something so personal like this. No one else knows this information besides Jamie.

“Are you done dancing completely?” he started to ask before asking the next question. “Are you going back to the law firm?” I didn’t even think about going back to the firm as a possibility…

“I’m not sure what I want to do yet,” I answered truthfully. “While I still have so many more months left being here in Korea, it’s going to eventually end and before I know it I’m back in New York.”

“Don’t think so far into the future,” Jamie suggested. “Focus on what needs to be done right now, and if this dance is your main focus, then let it be.” I sighed and didn’t say anything after that; he wasn’t wrong.

“Yeah,” I simply said as filler. Jamie cleared his throat when things got too quiet again.

“You’re going to Skylar’s place on Monday?” he asked, changing the subject. I scrunched my eyebrows together, not knowing what he was talking about.

“Sky’s place? For what?” I asked.

“Shawn said he and Skylar were hosting a dinner before they depart to America,” Jamie explained. I shook my head and let out a deep breath.

“That’s probably what she wanted to talk to me about,” I mumbled to myself before looking at Jamie. “She didn’t tell me anything about it.” Jamie looked confused and guilty for saying anything about it to me.

“I’m sorry,” Jamie immediately apologized. “I thought you knew and–“

“It’s not your fault,” I stopped Jamie. “The truth is, Sky and I had an argument over the phone and it was pretty heated. So, I don’t think she would want me there for her big departure dinner.”

“You’re her cousin; of course she wants you there,” Jamie reassured. “Don’t let her go back to America mad at you.” I hate that Jamie knew what to say in situations like this because he always knew what to say, even after all these years. I don’t say anything, not because I didn’t have anything to say, but simply because Jamie said everything that needed to be said. I don’t know how or when I’m speaking to Skylar next, but I know I couldn’t let her leave the country without talking things out with her.

“Hey,” Jamie broke the silence. I looked up as he got my attention. “Do you have anything planned for the rest of the day?”

“I just have rehearsal later tonight,” I answered. “Why?” Jamie seemed to squirm in his seat and his face is getting red. Oh, he’s embarrassed.

“If you’re not doing anything until then, I figured maybe we can… hang out together,” Jamie suggested. I was confused and admittedly on-guard. What was his intention? Did he get anemia and forget that we have a horrible history together?

“Us? Hang out?” I said, trying to tell Jamie how I felt about the suggestion without hurting his feelings. Why do I care about his feelings for; God knows? “That’s sweet, but…”

“For Shawn and Skylar’s sake,” Jamie quickly added as he cleared his throat some more. “I, uhm… think things would be better if we learned to get along with each other in their company.” I raised an eyebrow, not fully convinced. “We also have to face the music some day,” he added.

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“Shawn and Skylar are going to get married,” Jamie stated. Not this discussion again. “And when they do, you already know Shawn is making me his best man and you’re Skylar’s maid of honor.” Jamie smiled as he spoke as if half of him was being serious and the other half was joking around. I couldn’t help but smile at his response. Touche, Mr. Kim.

“Is that right?” I teased back, crossing my arms along my chest. Jamie proudly nodded, playing along.

“It’s only right if we got a long for the sake of our future roles,” Jamie continued teasing, which made me laugh. Jamie had a weird humor that he didn’t need to say much to get his jokes across; but when he did, they always landed. People think Jamie is naturally not a funny guy because of this; I was always able to get his corny, cheesy jokes. Needless to say, he never failed in making me laugh.

“Sure, Mr. Best Man,” I said, getting my stuff together to get ready to leave the cafe. Jamie smiled, grabbing his things from the table to follow. “Where do you want to go?”

“Considering it’s not so hot outside today, and it looks like we’re both dressed in leisurewear,” Jamie mentioned. I looked down at my outfit, forgetting that I was in the dance rehearsal space earlier today. “I was on my way to Taehwagang before stopping here for a quick coffee.”

“Taehwagang?” I asked, not familiar with the area. “Is it far from Ulsan?”

“It’s right outside the city,” Jamie said. “You’ll love it.” Jamie waited until I walked pass him to exit the cafe. He directed us towards his car, walking toward the passenger’s side. Before I was able to open the door, Jamie was already doing it as if it was second nature to him. He never failed to open a door for someone out of politeness. I entered Jamie’s car and watched him walk over the driver’s side. I looked down at my phone and put it on silent; for once I didn’t want to be reached and I simply just wanted to focus on myself for a couple of hours.

Because a couple of hours with your ex-boyfriend in a foreign country where you don’t know your way around and you turn off your phone for some peace and quiet is always a great idea, right?

… Right?

The drive back from Kevin’s place was somewhat silent, but a different type of silence than what it was earlier in the day. Shawn was on the phone with Skylar, letting her know he was on his way back home.

“I’ll make sure to stop at GS25 and pick up those melon candies, ” Shawn smiled as he spoke to Skylar on the phone. “Babe, you’re going to love the Honeydew ones…what do you mean you don’t like Honeydew?!” I couldn’t help but laugh overhearing Shawn’s conversation, especially since Skylar was loud enough for me to hear what she was saying to him. “Alright, alright! We’ll get both, and I’m not sharing the Honeydew ones!” Shawn looked over at me, shaking his head in disbelief. “I love you too, babe; see you in a few.” Shawn smiled as he hung up the call. He took a deep breath before looking over at me; I glanced over at him as I drove.

“If I were to get 1 WON for every time Skylar gave you a piece of your own medicine, I’d be living in a penthouse in Incheon by now,” I teased. Shawn scoffed underneath his breath.

“What can I say? I am in love,” Shawn commented back before looking out the window. I shook my head and laughed, knowing what he was referencing to: Kevin’s comment tonight at dinner.

“Feels good, huh?” I continued to tease him, having way too much fun doing so. Shawn rolled his eyes.

“I knew I’ve been in love with Sky this entire time,” Shawn began to reflect.

“When was the exact moment you knew Skylar was the one?” I asked, teasing him in the process.

“Is it weird to say the first day I met her?” Shawn recalled. “She was so outgoing and confident on the dance floor. She just had this aura about her that literally was magnetic.”

“Is that why you decided to go home with her the same night?” I added. “She was just oozing in your favorite aura?

“Funny thing is, we didn’t even sleep together that night,” Shawn confessed. “We got back to her place and we literally just spoke for hours… and make out occasionally when there wasn’t much left to talk about.”

“Ah, well of course,” I agreed in a sarcastic tone. Shawn rolled his eyes at me. It nearly took him 8 years to figure it out.

“Being back home and showing her all these different places made things feel real, you know?” Shawn added. “I know she has a ton of going on with her family right now, but I know she’s the one.”

“Was it seeing JooAh and Kevin together that got you all lovey dovey?” I asked, still teasing him. Shawn shook his head; genuinely answering the question.

“It was holding his daughter that did,” Shawn confessed. Oh. That took a turn. “That new baby smell, those innocent eyes and those genuine smiles they give you when they look up toward you…” Shawn was now wandering in thought as he spoke. I kept glancing over at him feeling a bit anxious. I don’t know if this is going in the direction that I think it’s going in.

“Shawn, are you thinking about wanting kids in the future?” I asked at a red light. Shawn just kept looking forward, towards the road ahead. “Shawn?”

“Yeah,” Shawn finally said out loud, putting it out in the universe to know. “In that moment, I understood where Kevin was coming from. We both knew that he was in love with JooAh, but something changed in him seeing him with his daughter. It was like… a love I couldn’t quite understand when we were all in America last year. I understand it. I can relate to it on a deeper level.”

I listened to Shawn unscramble the thoughts in his head as he spoke. I didn’t want to interrupt him this time; typically I would tell Shawn to think things through before he went on and did things purely driven by emotion. This time, I wasn’t against Shawn’s decision of wanting to have kids with Skylar in the future. He’s in love with her, knows he wants to be with her, and made it happen because he sees his future being with her. I once related to something deep like that.

We finally got back to the place where Shawn was staying. I stopped the car in the parking garage, waiting for Shawn to get out and said bye for the day. He glanced over at me instead, with a perplexed look on his face.

“What?” I said to Shawn.

“Do you eventually want kids too?” Shawn asked. “I mean, I know you and Haram have such busy lives, but could you say that you can see yourself having children with her?” I couldn’t help but let out a loud sigh.

“I’m not in the same stage that you and Kevin are in,” I said, leaning my head back in my seat. “Haram and I are still getting to know each other, whereas you and Kevin have known your girlfriends for–“

“How about when you were with Grace?” Shawn interrupted. I scrunched my eyebrows together, upset at the choice of topic discussion.

“Why focus on the past if it’s in the past?” I spat out, beginning to get myself ready to start the car.

“Hyung,” Shawn gently said. There was no fight in his voice, which was frightening. He always fought when it came to this topic. “I can’t tell you how to live your life, and obviously things are different now. You’re with Haram, and Grace is with Sahim. If you even did see those things with Grace back then, what difference does it make now? It’s in the past, so talking about it shouldn’t affect anything happening now.”

“That’s the point; why talk about it now if it truly doesn’t matter?” I asked, now becoming annoyed. “What difference does it make whether or not I had these thoughts when I was with–“

“Forget that I asked,” Shawn dismissed the conversation, gathering his things to get out the car. He tried to open the passenger door; he couldn’t since it was still locked. “We’re really doing this, Hyung?”

“I’m tired of you constantly speaking in riddles with me about things you know I don’t like speaking about,” I said to Shawn. “You asked me this question, and you refuse to take the answers I give you–“

“Hyung, I don’t think you’re completely over Grace,” Shawn finally admitted, silencing the entire car. “I know she was over at your place the other night.” What?

“What?” I said out loud this time. “No, she–“

“Grace shares her location with Sky,” Shawn explained. “She was worried about Grace that night because she never went back to the hotel she was staying at. She asked me if I knew the area that her location was pinned at. That’s when I saw that she was at your house.” I swallowed hard, not really knowing what to say or even how to not make this a whole deal. The fact of the matter is that Grace just showing up at my house with the address written on envelopes of love letters I sent her years ago was a big fucking deal.

“Where else would she go?” I questioned, trying to make sense of the situation. “She’s in a foreign country and–“

“Jamie,” Shawn sighed as he said. “The woman has been in Korea for nearly a year. She can speak and understand basic Korean. She has the skills to survive a night in this country. She went to your place for a reason–“

“Look, she was under a lot of stress after what happened with you and Skylar,” I began to explain. “I didn’t ask her to come to my place. I didn’t bring her over here and–“

“Then you tell her that her being there is inappropriate and that you have a girlfriend,” Shawn concluded as he crossed his arms. “Stop making excuses for her–“

“Don’t even,” I began to say, but Shawn was louder than me in responding back.

“I don’t know who you’re fooling, but it surely isn’t me,” Shawn said loudly, clearly annoyed. “I’m just tired of you thinking that you’re over Grace but can’t even talk about her without it triggering you.”

“Triggering?” I repeated before I scoffed. “Talk about picking up your American girlfriend’s lingo. Look, I’m happy with Haram, so–“

“Bring Haram to our place,” Shawn interrupted once again, looking directly at me. “Sky is having Grace and Sahim over for dinner the night before we leave to go back to America. Your favorite thing to say is that you’re only around Grace in association with me and Sky; let’s see if it stays that way when we leave.”

“What does my girlfriend have to do with this?” I asked, emphasizing the girlfriend part.

“Haram deserves to be in the same room with the girlfriends of all of the men there,” Shawn snapped. “It would be wrong if she was missing–“

“You’re trying to prove something that really isn’t a big deal,” I said to Shawn, pretending to be nonchalant. The truth was that I was flipping out internally; I didn’t know how to take in the thought that Shawn believes I still have a thing for Grace. I don’t; I’m with Haram, and Grace has been a thing of the past for years–

“If it’s not a big deal, then accept my invitation,” Shawn pointed out. “Bring Haram with you to our dinner; this upcoming Monday. And don’t make some lame excuse that she has to work and blah blah blah. It’s crazy how I know more about Grace’s boyfriend than I do my own best friend’s girlfriend.” Shawn began getting out of the car; at this point, I was exhausted from talking to Shawn. “I invited Kevin and JooAh too, y’know, because I am finally learning to take responsibility for my own actions and right my wrongdoings,” Shawn mentioned as he walked away from the car.

I watched Shawn walk up to the staircase where the lobby is located. I finally let out the breath I was holding in and shut my eyes closed. I was tired of convincing people that I had moved on and in a happy relationship with Haram. Things with Haram have been so easy and manageable and… boring. But in the years where my life had been everything but boring; now being in a relationship that doesn’t require much thought or worry has been refreshing. For once in a really long time, I feel like I’m able to have the mental space to think about everything else going on in my life.

Who the hell am I kidding?

I sighed as I took my phone out of my pocket. I quickly dialed a number and placed the phone to my ear, hopefully she’ll pick up. I needed to get my mind off of everything and I needed to see if this was really what I thought it was. I know I love her, but do I love her more than–

“Jaemin?” Haram answered the call.

“Hey, Haram,” I greeted. “Are you busy tonight?”

It wasn’t like Shawn to be completely silent during a car ride. Typically, he would go on about something that makes absolutely no sense to anyone around him. I glanced over at him at every red light we stopped that, just to make sure that he was actually doing okay.

“Shawn,” I called out, tired of the awkward silence accompany us in this car. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” Shawn answered back quickly. “I’m perfectly fine, there’s no reason for me to not be–“

“Ya,” I interrupted Shawn. “Clearly, something is bothering you; is this about seeing Kevin?”

“What do I even say to the guy,” Shawn started to vent. “Hey! How’s life? Congrats on becoming a father; was your carelessness worth losing your best friend–“

“That’s enough,” I scolded Shawn. “I don’t need you two fighting, let alone at his house of all places.”

“I just don’t think we’re ever going to be as close as we were,” Shawn concluded, looking out the passenger’s window.

“All I’m asking is for the animosity to go,” I stated as I continue to drive. “Just being cordial is all I’m asking.” Shawn quickly turned over, now facing me.

“You’re not going to understand, so why do I even bother explaining this to you?” Shawn spat out. “You’re just thinking about friendship and brotherhood, not even realizing that Kevin broke both of those things!”

“Shawn, I’m not repeating this conversation with you over and over again,” I said, sighing as I finished. “I’m not even the person you should be having this conversation with.”

“Whatever,” Shawn said, turning back towards the passenger’s window. I let him sulk in his feelings. I know Shawn will work things out with Kevin.

…

We finally get to Kevin’s place; I nearly had to drag Shawn out of the car just to walk a small flight of steps. When he finally got around to walk on his own towards the front door, I let out a deep breath, hoping everything would go as planned.

Once I knocked on the door Kevin opened it, immediately greeting me as he saw me.

“Hyung!” Kevin greeted as he gave me a hug. I don’t have many chances to see Kevin these days, so it was always nice to see him when I do.

“Kevin,” I greeted back as I returned the hug. Once we greeted each other, I looked back to see Shawn standing there, awkwardly watching afar.

“I brought Shawn, like I told you I was going to do,” I looked back at Kevin, trying to maintain the peace between the two. Kevin looked at Shawn, visibly nervous. Shawn didn’t say anything; he kept standing there.

“Yeah, JooAh and I prepared dinner for all of us tonight,” Kevin added on. “She had to go to the market to grab a couple of things, but she should be back when we sit down and eat.” I nodded my head, slowly walking towards the front door. I look at Shawn, watching him slolwy walk behind me into Kevin’s house.

Kevin’s house was typical for a young couple with a child. Kevin’s interest in pop culture reflects that with the different figurines on the shelves. I can only assume JooAh is into art as the walls are covered in different size canvases of both famous and local artists. Baby accessories also are scattered throughout the place. A young couple’s house indeed.

“It looks like parenthood has been treating you well,” I teased, looking around the living room. Kevin deadpanned as he laughed, clearly not amused. He couldn’t help but actually laugh once I did.

“It’s been… a journey,” Kevin said, trying to find the words. “Yubin has definitely giving JooAh and I a challenge.” I smiled as Kevin spoke. His entire face lit up when he spoke about his daughter.

“Is she with JooAh?” I asked.

“She’s taking her nap in her room,” Kevin answered, walking towards the kitchen area and reached into the fridge. I looked at Shawn, hoping he’d say something to engage in the conversation. I forget how stubborn this man is. A couple of minutes later, we all hear a faint cry in the other room. Kevin immediately walks to the other room, knowing his daughter had just woke up.

“Ya,” I said as I turned to face Shawn. “Why are you being so awkward?”

“I’m literally just sitting here,” Shawn complained. “What am I suppose to say?”

“Shawn, you haven’t seen this man in 9 months,” I mentioned, trying to make a point. “The least you can do is start up some type of conversation–“

“Why do I have to?” Shawn whined as he interrupted.

“Because it’s the right thing to do,” I simply said, turning back around when Kevin walked back into the living room. This time, he has his daughter in his arms.

“This is Yubin,” Kevin introduced us to his daughter with a smile on his face. “Binnie for short.” She was tiny in Kevin’s arms, and she seemed to be at peace in that moment. I glanced over at Shawn, looking directly at the tiny baby. Kevin looked up at us before he focused in on Shawn. “Would you like to hold her?” Kevin asked Shawn. I looked over at Shawn, surprised that Kevin would approach him in this way. Shawn looked up at Kevin; the air suddenly got thick. Shawn looked at the baby once again before opening his arms out. Kevin slowly lowered the baby into Shawn’s arms. His face immediately lit up looking down at Yubin.

“Agi,” Shawn said as he smiled. Shawn looked up back at Kevin. “She’s so tiny.”

“She can eat her entire weight,” Kevin laughed, smiling as he watched Shawn coo with the baby.

“She’s going to grow up to be a world renowned chef and try all of the different food around the world,” Shawn smiled as he looked at the baby once more. I watched Shawn and Kevin talk to each other for the first time since we were all in California. Our lives were completely different in a short period of time. Since the last time we’ve all been together, Kevin became a father, Shawn moved to America to be with Skylar, and I… well, I came back to live my normal life.

“She’s adorable, Kevin,” I finally said, looking at Shawn rock the baby in his arms. Kevin smiled as he watched along.

…

“Thank you for having us tonight,” I said as JooAh began to bring the dishes to the table. Kevin walks in behind her, helping her bring the food.

“Anytime,”JooAh smiled as she said. “It’s a nice change to have company over.” Kevin smiled as he kissed her forehead. “I’ll come in a little later to eat; I want to put Binnie down after I feed her.”

“We’ll save you some food,” Kevin reassured. JooAh walks out of the dining area and into the baby’s room. We sat down at the table, getting food to put on our plates silently. Surprisingly, Kevin was the one that began the conversation.

“So, are you still doing cases overseas for the firm?” Kevin asked me as he served himself some food.

“I haven’t in awhile,” I answered as I ate. “I’ve just been taking smaller cases here and there.” Kevin nodded as he drank from his cup. Kevin had left the firm when JooAh was pregnant with Yubin. I don’t blame him, considering he has singlehandedly seen me miss all of my important family events due to being a lawyer. He never scolded me for choosing my career over my family, but secretly he was taking note in what not to do when it came to starting a family of his own.

“I guess it’s best that way,” Kevin added. “It allows you to be closer to home with your family. I nodded, not really wanting to get too much into it about my reasonings for not traveling the way I did. Kevin looked over at Shawn who was busy eating the food off of his plate. “Are you still in the firm, Shawn?” I looked up at both Kevin and Shawn. Shawn looked perplexed in hearing Kevin call his name out like that. I could tell it took him a second to get his thoughts straight.

“I’m not,” Shawn answered. Kevin widen his eyes, genuinely shocked.

“Oh; where do you work now?” Kevin asked. Shawn looked at Kevin before answering. Shawn, please don’t make this into an argument–

“In America,” Shawn spat out. “With my girlfriend.” Aigoo, Shawn. Kevin nearly choked on his glass of water when Shawn answered.

“America?” Kevin repeated. “You work in America–“

“I also live in America,” Shawn stated. “With my girlfriend,” Shawn continued to speak, this time he started to speak in English. Kevin looked at me; he was clearly confused.

“When did you move there?” Kevin kept asking questions. I tried to intervene in the conversation to cool things down, but at this point I was just considered dead weight at the table.

“Not long after I was forced to break the love of my life’s heart for abruptly leaving the country,” Shawn finally vented out.

“You’re with Grace’s cousin?” Kevin asked as he turned his head toward me to confirm.

“Her name is Skylar,” Shawn corrected Kevin. “And yes, she’s my girlfriend and eventually my future wife.”

“Shawn,” I finally said, trying to get him out of this combative headspace. I knew it was pointless to do so; it’s Shawn for crying out loud.

“I’m happy for you,” Kevin finally commented. “Seriously. You guys connected really well and–“

“Yeah, and it nearly took us months for her to even trust me to stay in America,” Shawn interrupted. “You know, after we all had to leave to come back here because of JooAh being pregnant–“

“Ya,” I scolded Shawn this time, trying to calm him down. “That’s enough–“

“I don’t want to argue with you, Shawn,” Kevin finally said. “I just want to say that I apologize for being the reason our friendship was affected. I wasn’t thinking about what anyone else had going on during our time in America and just wanted to be as close to JooAh as possible in that moment.” The table went silent for what seemed like more than a minute. “I should’ve considered that you were falling in love with Skylar and that Jamie was reconnecting with Grace.” I quickly reacted to the sound of Grace’s name; I almost forgot we were on good terms back in California.

“It was hard for me,” Shawn started to vent. “I felt like I was losing my mind every minute I was back in Korea. I felt like I was grieving losing someone that didn’t even die. I knew I had to go back to her as soon as possible.” Kevin looked at me as he tried to comprehend the newfound information from Shawn. Yeah, I know, Kevin. Shawn’s never been this way before.

“You were in love,” Kevin said out loud rather than directly to Shawn. “I was also in love. I mean, we are both in love, and I understand the pain you were feeling. I felt that pain when I was too far away from JooAh. So, trust me when I say that I’m glad you are now with the love of your life. It’s like the mornings feel so much better waking up next to the person you love. You get to see their face every morning the moment you wake up. There’s no better feeling.” Shawn’s expression soften a bit as Kevin spoke. He finally let out a huge sigh, as if he was physically holding in the tension between them within his body.

“I’m going to marry her one day, when the time is right for the both of us,” Shawn said as he smiled. Kevin returned the smile back.

“JooAh and I were thinking about having a real ceremony when Yubin gets a little bigger,” Kevin added on. “I would love for you and Skylar to come.” I watched their conversation as if it were a tennis match. I anticipated every response that both Shawn and Kevin had for each other.

“I would have to discuss it with Skylar, but I would like that.” Kevin smiled. He got up from the table and walked to Shawn. He tightly gave him a hug, which Shawn seemed to be shocked with at first. He quickly accepted the hug from Kevin. I couldn’t help but smile.

I was getting frustrated the longer it took me to look for an outfit to wear. Korea is in this weird “in-between” weather phase where it’s still warm during the day but freezing cold at night. Couldn’t Sahim and I just done for an early dinner? I kept tossing everything that I thought was a good pick toward my bed, not really knowing if I was actually going to wear it or not.

I heard a knock on my hotel door, which made me immediately panic. I wasn’t dressed yet, I had just finished my makeup and rolling up my hair; this was a disaster.

“I’m not ready yet!” I shouted as I ran toward the door. I opened the door and to my surprise, it was Aimee. “Aimee?”

“Well hi to you too,” she teased as she responded. I opened the door as I let her inside my room. “Thought I was Sahim or something?”

“That’s exactly who I thought you were,” I said, walking back toward my closet. Aimee followed me and sat in the chair across from me.

“Oh? Did you guys make up, or is the making up part happening later tonight?” Aimee laughed as she said. I looked over at her and rolled my eyes. It’s never a day that Aimee doesn’t turn everything into an innuendo. “That voicemail you left me that night made it sound like you guys got into this huge fight.”

“I’m dramatic; what can I say,” I said, trying to dismiss the conversation. I tried to call Aimee the night that I told Sahim about Jamie. Of course, I was only going to tell her about what happened with Skylar and I, but I vaguely remembered only mentioning that Sahim and I got into this huge fight.

“Mhm,” Aimee responded; clearly not believing a word I was saying. “And now you’re just going out with him like nothing was wrong?”

“It’s called ‘talking things out and being an adult about it'”, I said in a snarky way. “Why stay mad at each other while we’re in this beautiful country in which we leave in less than 4 months from now?”

“I guess that one way to stay delusional,” Aimee spat back before adjusting in her seat. “I just don’t want you getting hurt again. I may not have known you when you were in your last relationship with your ex-fiancé, but it doesn’t mean I can’t look out for you now.”

“I appreciate it, but I really am okay, Aimee,” I reassured her, mainly to reassure myself in the end. “Sahim isn’t like any other guy I dated. He’s a good guy.”

“I can tell,” Aimee said as she got up from her seat and toward the mountain of clothes on my bed. “If he wasn’t worth it, you wouldn’t be stressing about what to wear for a casual date with a man that’s already yours.” I rolled my eyes at Aimee and her cringe statement. I looked down at the bed with all of the clothes that were once organized in my closet. I sighed, finally picking up something to wear for this date. I looked over at Aimee, who now has a grin of approval on her face.

…

Sahim and I entered the hotpot place, walking towards the table that our waitress is guiding us towards. Sahim pulls out the seat for me before I sit down; he then sits in the seat across from me. His contagious smile never leaves his face. He’s too cute for words.

“Thank you,” I said in Korean as I politely bowed. Sahim quickly did the same after seeing me do the gesture. I looked at the menu before looking back up. I couldn’t help but giggle as Sahim struggled to read the menu. He looked up at me once he heard me.

“What’s so funny?” Sahim asked, placing the menu down on the table.

“I still find it funny that all this time being here, you haven’t grasped some of the language yet,” I teased. Sahim smiled as he rolled his eyes. Hot.

“All this time, I’ve been hanging out with Ms. Duolingo here,” Sahim teased back, cocking up an eyebrow. “I didn’t need to learn much of it.” Now I’m the one rolling my eyes as I smile.

“Well, knowing you, I think you’d like this,” I said as I leaned forward, pointing at one of the pictures. “We order a side of that, as well as the garnish pieces and just eat how much we can.”

“No dessert tonight?” Sahim looked up at me with a grin on his face. I looked down at him, smiling back.

“Room service,” I flirted back, sitting back down in my seat. Sahim let out this huge laugh and nodded his head, looking back down at the menu. The waitress came back with two glasses of water and her notepad and pen in hand; she seemed nervous to serve us tonight.

“Hi,” I greeted the waitress. She bowed and said hi back, surprisingly in English. She pointed at the menus, indicating if we were ready to order. I nodded and began to read back the order to the waitress. She seemed shocked at the amount of words I knew to express in Korean. She smiled as she bowed and walked away. I looked at Sahim who was staring at me intently.

“That was sexy,” Sahim commented as I drank from my glass of water. I definitely dribbled some of it from laughing.

“Stop,” I laughed as I said, wiping my mouth with my napkin. “I took way too long to even pick out this outfit.”

“You might have to change if too much water gets spilled on it,” Sahim flirted back. I raised an eyebrow to him. My face definitely feels hot. The waitress comes back to our table with the garnishes and meat that we ordered. In an instant, the pot in the middle of the table turns on, which shocks both Sahim and I. Without realizing, we both started to clap as if the waitress just performed some magic trick for us. Once the waitress left, Sahim started to laugh as I held my head down in shame.

It wasn’t long after that Sahim and I began to eat. It was sweet when he would prepare the food in the pot and serve it on my plate… even if he struggled for the first couple of pieces of meat. Nevertheless, dinner was going well for the both of us. But, I didn’t let my guard down too far; I’ve learned to never do that when things feel too good to be true.

Sahim’s body shifted toward me before he spoke. He rubbed his mouth, clearly perplexed at what to say to me. I know he’s going to ask about the other night. I know that it’s been bothering him since it was first brought up. He looked at me before saying anything. I hate when people looked at me like this.

“What’s going on?” I finally asked, just wanting him to rip the bandage off already.

“Grace,” Sahim began to say. “Have… you thought about what you’re doing after the production is over?” Huh?

“What?” I quickly responded. This definitely wasn’t what I thought Sahim was going to bring up.

“Have you thought about what life is going to look like once we leave Korea?” Sahim asked again.

“I… haven’t to be honest,” I answered, still feeling confused. “I haven’t had much time to really think about it. I’ve been occupied with rehearsing the choreography for these new pieces.” I looked at him briefly. “Have you given some thought to it?”

“Somewhat,” Sahim answered, looking down at the table. “Some days it’s exciting to think about getting some normalcy back into my everyday life… others, it’s scary to think what that will look like once this is all over.” I nodded my head as he spoke; in a way, I could understand where he was coming from. For the past 8 months, this has what our lives have been; this is what we’ve adapted to since being here. I’m grateful for the opportunity to be doing something that my teenage self could only dream for, but I never thought abut what happens next once it all comes o an end. Did Mom go though this when she did the production too?

“I mean,” I began to say as I shifted in my seat, now seeming uncomfortable. “I’d just probably go back to New York, see my family, maybe take my daughter on a little vacation or something,” I looked at him, smiling as I spoke. “She’s going to want to hear all the stories of the dance production when I get back.”

“Is she also interested in dance?” Sahim asked.

“She’s starting to show some interest in it,” I answered, sighing afterwards. “She likes other things more, but her father has expressed that she’s been interested in dance ever since watching the production’s opening show.”

“She knows her mom is one of the best,” Sahim mentioned. I rolled my eyes, clearly not agreeing with him.

“My mother was much better than me,” I stated. “I didn’t know much about her growing up, but my dad showed me videos of her dancing when they were teenagers and she was crazy talented. I guess in a way, without really knowing much about her, that I wanted to be like her when I grew up.” I was sullen at the thought. I remember those nights in Virginia growing up when I would ask my dad if I could see another video of mom dancing. I remember how mesmerizing it was to see her on stage in a sparkly dance outfit as the glitter reflected off from the lights. I wonder if Willow feels the same thing when she sees me dance. I wonder if this is just now a never-ending cycle.

“Well I’m sure that your daughter thinks you’re the coolest mom ever dancing on television,” Sahim commented, smiling afterwards. I looked at him and smiled at him. Thinking about the future was scary; the truth was I had absolutely no idea what was going to happen once the production ends. Sure, I leave this country and go back to New Yourk, but what happens after that? Do I go back teaching at the academy? Do I retire being a dancer? Should I go back to being a lawyer? Do I just repeat this vicious cycle until I feel some level of satisfaction? In this moment, I didn’t know what the future has in store for me, but looking at Sahim makes me feel okay in the moment.

“I hope you’d come to New York and meet her one day,” I said as I smiled. He smiled at the suggestion before letting out a sigh. What was that about? The waitress came by our table with the bill as I thanked her for her services tonight. Sahim immediately took the booklet from me, raising an eyebrow.

“Dinner’s on me tonight,” Sahim said.

“I guess I’m on dessert then,” I teased, looking at Sahim as he signed the check. He glanced over at me with a cocked up eyebrow before gently kissing me on the lips.

It’s been a rough couple of days trying to get my head back on straight.

No matter what I focus my energy on these days, they are constantly going back to that night where I found Grace just sitting on my front doorsteps. For her to even remember my address on the letters I wrote to her all those years ago… something about it was telling.

But maybe she simply had no other choice that night, considering she’s in a foreign country.

I began typing out this week’s progress report in my office; it was one thing I left to do at the very last minute, which wasn’t the ideal thing to do. Needless to say, I was glad that this assignment would take up most of my time today…

Until it didn’t.

I heard a slight knock on my office door. I looked up to see one of the assistants slowly opening the door. He bowed as he greeted me.

“Mr. Kim, you have a visitor,” the assistant said. The other person walked inside my office; it was Shawn.

“Thank you, Junhwan,” I said as he closed the office door. Shawn stood in the middle of my office, taking a good look around.

“Still in this hole in the wall, huh?” Shawn teased. I scoffed as I shook my head. He smiled as I got closer to give him a hug.

“Ya; how have you been?” I asked as I let him go from the hug. He sighed, walking around the office to avoid sitting in one place. I could tell he was nervous.

“I’ve been better,” Shawn admitted. “Things have been quiet.”

“Is that a good thing or bad thing?” I asked, watching him roam around the office.

“A little bit of both,” Shawn answered, stopping in place to look back and answer. “Sky and I have been going about our day as if nothing happened, which I guess is good considering she could’ve broke things off by now–“

“Ya,” I groaned, not liking Shawn’s attitude. “She wouldn’t leave you, she just needs some time to process things.”

“She hasn’t been acting like herself though,” Shawn emphasized. “I wish I didn’t propose to her while we were here. Now it just feels like she’s checked out.”

“She’s slowly losing her father,” I gently explained, trying to make Shawn understand the situation clearer. “You didn’t do anything wrong, and she knows that this isn’t about you or your relationship.” I was being completely honest with Shawn. Knowing that you’re losing a parent changes the way you see the rest of the world around you. You don’t know how to let those you love that it’s never about them, but you know that you can’t mentally be the same person you were before this occurrence. It was one of the many reasons why Seohyun and I didn’t work out. As my father’s health began to decline, I felt like I was also drifting away from the people around me. It wasn’t Seohyun’s fault that her boyfriend couldn’t mentally juggle his relationship with her and the one he had with his family.

Isn’t that always the case?

I looked at Shawn again, focusing on the present. Shawn sat in the seat playing with the zipper of his windbreaker.

“Why don’t you and Skylar come over for dinner one of these nights?” I insisted, leaning back in my chair. “I’ll have Haram come over that night as well.”

“Yeah,” Shawn said, not really convincing.

“Mwo?” I asked. “What?”

“I sense that Haram doesn’t really… approve of Sky,” Shawn said, getting more nervous as each word come out of his mouth. “Cultural differences, it seems like.” Aigoo. Was she that obvious the last time?

“Haram values her culture, but it doesn’t mean she dislikes people that aren’t familiar to them,” I defended. “Tons of people even in Korea don’t solely value the culture the same way–“

“Hyung, thankfully you’re a prosecutor and not a defense attorney,” Shawn teased, chuckling to himself. “I appreciate you trying to bring all of us together, but I think it’s just… weird.”

“Weird?” I repeated.

“Weird,” he solidified, looking directly at me. “Haram seems like a great, sophisticated woman, but every chance I saw her she was looking at Sky like she was some… some stereotype–“

“Haram isn’t that shallow,” I interrupted, getting annoyed with Shawn. I didn’t want to fight with him about this, only because he had other things on his mind. I sighed before leaning forward toward my desk. “How about we just do something with the guys. You, Kevin, and me. We haven’t all been in the same room as each other since–“

“Since we were last in America,” Shawn finished the sentence. “And that was the last time I saw Kevin in person.” Shawn and Kevin used to be best friends; they were closer than I was to any of them at the time. I tried to convince Shawn to talk to Kevin when we got himself situated back in America, but Shawn holds onto his pride tighter than any other person I know. Shawn was able to go after the love of his life, yet he still held this resentment towards Kevin when we all had to fly back after his girlfriend told Kevin she was pregnant.

“I think making amends with Kevin will help you see things clearly with Skylar,” I admitted. Shawn didn’t like that.

“What?!” he reacted, nearly jumping out of his seat. “What does Kevin have anything to do with my relationship with Sky?!

“Talking to me about Skylar puts you in the middle of a very messy triangle,” I began to explain. “Plus, I think Kevin can really give you some good advice on how to handle everything happening. You know JooAh said no to his first proposal, right?”

“Yeah, I know,” Shawn answered, growing annoyed now. “And it wasn’t until he knocked her up that she finally said yes. Is that what you’re telling me? Get Sky pregnant or something?”

“Ya,” I roared, making Shawn’s rambling come to a halt. “Listen, you know you are my brother for life; as is Kevin. And I know you and Kevin were like blood brothers before all of this happened. Kevin had no control over what happened back here in Korea with JooAh, just how you don’t have any control what’s happening in America with Skylar’s family.”

“It’s completely different–“

“Yeah?” I got up from my seat as I slammed my hands on top of my desk. “You do know that sooner or later, Skylar is going to need to go back to America to be with her family. What if I get never talk to you again because I was mad for you leaving me in Korea by myself having to deal with Grace?” Grace? What?

“Grace?” Shawn questioned. “What does Grace have to do with any of this?”

“Nothing, it’s just a theoretical situation,” I quickly tried to cover up my slip up. “The point I’m trying to make is that you wouldn’t have liked it if one of us treated you the way that you treated Kevin.”

“So what; you’re demanding me to come over to make up with Kevin? I don’t have to do anything you want me to do.” Shawn crossed his arms along his chest, looking away from me.

“You don’t,” I started to say. “Hell, you don’t even have to listen to word I’m saying, but I’m telling you what you don’t want to hear because that is just something that brothers do. They say the shit that they know they don’t want to hear, but they say it anyway because they care about them.” Shawn finally looked at me but didn’t say anything back. A knock on my office door is what broke the silence; it was Junhwan again.

“Mr. Kim,” he began to say. “Hangyeol-nim is expecting your completed report.”

“Thank you, I’ll make sure it gets to him within the hour,” I said and smiled as Junhwan closed the office door. I sighed, immediately letting go of the smile as I looked at Shawn. “Before you go back to America, please consider the three of us having dinner together.” Shawn doesn’t say anything; he just sighs as he gets up from his seat to walk towards the exit. “Shawn?” He turned around to look at me, waiting to see what else I had to say.

“Tell Skylar I said hi,” I simply said. Shawn faintly smiled before opening the office door, and leaving.