Shawn and Skylar have made my life a living hell ever since they discovered this sushi restaurant in the East Village.
They had invited Grace and I for dinner one night, and suggested this new restaurant they discovered. I looked at Grace with an immense amount of guilt, especially after seeing her pout looking at the menu of items, half in which she can’t eat because of the raw fish.
“I didn’t realize Grace couldn’t eat raw fish,” Skylar said as the waiter came out with our dishes. Grace had gotten the Chicken teriyaki dish while Shawn and Skylar shared a platter of different sushi rolls. I ordered an order of maki rolls and a side of rice. Grace watched me intently as I ate, making me feel slightly uncomfortable.
“What’s wrong?” I said, putting down my chopsticks. Grace pouted, leaning back on her chair.
“The one thing Baby is craving right now is the one thing I can’t have,” she said, looking at my dish.
“Are you sure agi is craving it, or is Eomma blaming agi for her own cravings?” I teased. Grace rolled her eyes and nudged my arm.
“I’m serious, Jamie,” Grace emphasized. “As soon as the waitress came out with your maki rolls, it was like Baby’s eyes got all googly.” She stares at my plate. “God, they look so good.”
“Willpower, jagiya,” I said, cheering her on. Grace was not amused, and started to play with the food on her plate.
“So Grace, we’re all dying to know if you guys decided on a baby name yet,” Skylar mentioned. “If not, I have one suggestion—”
“We are not naming her ‘Skylar’,” Grace deadpanned. I tried to hide my laugh. Grace was more blunt and honest about how she felt these days that I know Skylar will not understand.
“Well then what do you guys have in mind?” She questioned, crossing her arms.
“We haven’t really discussed it,” I answered for us, watching Grace try to eat her food.
“I’m surprised that wasn’t the first thing you guys did when you find out the sex,” Skylar mentioned. “If Shawn and I ever have kids, I already have some names picked out.” I looked at Shawn who looks at Skylar as if this was new information to him too.
“Inspire us,” I teased Skylar, curious to know the names of my future nieces or nephews.
“For a boy, I was thinking ‘Shawlar’,” I almost spat my drink out, not expecting that. “And for a girl: Skylawn.”
“Shawlar and Skylawn? Those both sound like names for over-the-counter medications they show on TV,” Grace commented without any remorse. I couldn’t contain the water in my mouth anymore, nearly spitting it out. Skylar’s mouth was gaped open, shocked at Grace’s answer.
“At least I have names for my hypothetical children,” Skylar defended. “You guys have a baby coming in 2 months and don’t have any idea on what you want to name it.”
“The right name needs to come to us,” I intervened before the ladies got into an argument. “We don’t want to give her a name that doesn’t suit her.”
“So you’re waiting until after she’s born to name her?” Skylar asked. “Her tiny little finger is gonna pick an index card with a name on it or something?”
“Hyung,” Shawn whispered to me, looking down at my plate. “Can I try one of your maki rolls?” I nodded yes as I put one on his plate. Grace caught the exchange happen.
“You can give him a maki roll and not me?!” Grace argued.
“Shawn’s not 7 months pregnant with our daughter, jagiya,” I said.
“Sure, whatever,” Grace dismissed, picking up her fork to eat her food. “Just deprive your daughter of what she wants.” I smiled at her, knowing Grace’s game too well.
“Minahe, agi,” I said to Grace’s belly. “When you get older, we’ll introduce you to maki rolls.” Shawn ate the roll I gave him, slapping the table in enjoyment.
“Whoa, the maki rolls here are to die for,” Shawn said. Skylar slapped him on the arm.
“Babe, be considerate,” she said, looking at Grace. I placed my hand on top of her left one, rubbing her knuckles for support and comfort.
Shawn wasn’t kidding when he said he enjoyed the maki rolls at this restaurant. Every time we had them over for a movie or a game night, he would bring the maki rolls. Every time Grace forgot about the maki rolls, she would be reminded again and crave them dangerously. I once caught her in the kitchen with one, walking in at the exact moment she was pulling one out of the container. Let’s just say that night, Grace put me on couch punishment.
One afternoon, Grace stormed into the apartment after spending the day at the academy. I sat at the table, working on my laptop.
“Jagiya—” I said as I got up from my seat to hug Grace. She pushed me back down in my seat with a force I didn’t think she had.
“Don’t jagiya me, Jamie,” Grace spat back. “We have to think of some baby names.”
“Mwo? Why the change of heart? I asked.
“I spoke to Aimee and Maurice on FaceTime and they guilt tripped me into doing this today.” Aimee and Maurice were Grace’s two closest friends from the Ulsan dance production. I was glad that she was able to maintain those friendships with them, and even offered to do a residency here to teach Grace’s academy when she goes on maternity leave. Knowing Grace pretty well, she was scared to think about something in the future that is eventually going to happen.
I laughed and closed my laptop. “Okay, let’s talk about names. First order of business: we are not combining our names the way Sky did her future children.”
“Way ahead of you on that,” Grace commented. “Before we actually sit down and suggest names, we have to set down some rules.” She takes out a little spiral notebook from her purse, flipping to a page full of scribbles. “No names after our relatives. She will have her own identity with her own name, and not a name just to say she’s named after a great-great grandmother or something.”
“I can agree with that,” I commented. “What’s next?”
“She will not be a junior.”
“We can’t name her JJ?”
“JJ?”
“Jagiya Junior,” I teased. Grace sucked her teeth as she shifted in her seat.
“I’m serious, Jamie!” Grace shouted. “She will not be Grace Jr. Again, I want her to have her own identity.”
“May I also add a rule?” I asked, hoping Grace was open to some suggestions. “She must have an English and Korean name.” Grace cocked her eyebrow up, pondering on the thought.
“I mean, she’ll be born in America, so wouldn’t her name already be in English?”
“That’s up for us to decide,” I answered. “Do we want her legal name to be in English, or Korean?”
“Fuck, I didn’t think of that,” Grace gave herself a face palm. “Clearly it would make sense for her to have a Korean name too. How did you pick ‘Jamie’ as your English name?”
“It sounds the closest to Jaemin,” I answered. “I decided a name that wasn’t so far off my Korean name.” Grace sighed, tapping her pen against the notebook.
“God, this is hard,” she said.
“How did you come up with Willow’s name?” I asked, genuinely curious.
“Her dad named her,” Grace admitted. “There was a Willow tree growing in the backyard of his apartment complex, and it had fully bloomed around the time Willow was born. He decided on Willow because her and the tree practically grew together in the course of 9 months.” I smiled. That’s a beautiful story.
“Agi’s name will come to us when the time is right,” I reassured, taking out the bag of food I took home from lunch with Shawn. I opened the box of leftover maki rolls, which caught Grace’s attention. She takes in a deep breath, trying to keep her composure.
“I’m going to fight Shawn once Baby is out,” Grace commented. “I don’t understand his obsession with those maki rolls…” Grace leans in, smelling my food. “God, it smells so good; Baby is going crazy for some maki rolls.”
“We’re gonna call her Maki agi, since she only seems to go crazy when maki rolls are in the room.” I rubbed Grace’s belly, and in a singalong tune I sing ‘Maki agi”. It was cute in the way they rhymed.
…
“Alright class, how would you interpret public law, section 46.3 for a client that is fighting a personal injury case?” I lectured for my online class. In the downtime I am not active on a case, I teach part-time at the CUNY School of Law, preferably students who are looking to continue their studies to become lawyers. It was a change of pace for me, and it felt good being able to take what I know and teach the next generation of lawyers, all while still being one myself.
“The door to the bedroom opened, and in ran Grace. “Oh my god, I figured it out!” She excitingly said out loud. She immediately covered her mouth with her hands once she saw I was in an online lecture this particular Saturday afternoon. I looked back to my class online, laughing nervously.
“I’m going to have you read the next two pages, and we will come back together to discuss,” I said. “I will be back in 10 minutes.” I tuned off my microphone and camera, turning my chair toward Grace. “Is there something I should be worried about?”
“No, no; come see me after your lecture!” Grace power walked out of the room, closing the door behind her. I shook my head and laughed before I got myself together to go back to the lecture.
…
Grace insisted that we go to the cafe for this conversation. Something told me it was a serious conversation, which made me nervous. There are so many conversations Grace and I have left to discuss, and I wasn’t sure which one she wanted to have today.
I ordered my usual iced americano as she ordered a homemade iced tea. Grace ordered 4 different cookies, and ended up not eating them all. Agi always made Grace crave and want a ridiculous amount of food that usually ends up going to waste. This time, I was left finishing the 4 cookies she bought, nearly sending myself into a diabetic shock.
“So, I’ve done some thinking and took into consideration of our rules, and I think I have a contender for her name.” Oh, this conversation.
“Yeah?” I said, sipping on my iced americano.
“I couldn’t get that stupid song that you sang the other day out of my head,” Grace began to explain. “It was the perfect song to fill the room with noise. So there I was, sitting in the baby’s nursery folding up some clothes we got the other day, singing the Maki agi song.
“The maki agi song?”
“Maki agi, agi Maki,” Grace began to sing. “That song.”
“Is this another attempt to have a maki roll, jagiya?” I asked, crossing my arms.
“No, no,” Grace waved her hand. “But I noticed every time I sang the song, she would go crazy.” Grace forcefully grabbed by hand, placing it on top of her belly. “Sing it.”
“Me?” I asked. She nodded her head.
“Just do it,” Grace commanded. I sighed, beginning to sing the maki agi song that wasn’t a song to begin with. But, Grace was right; agi was very excited whenever I sang the song. “It’s like she’s listening to us.”
“I’m having a hard time understanding how this relates to naming our daughter. Are you saying we name her Maki agi?”
“No,” Grace answered. “Maki.” Maki?
“Maki?” I questioned. “You want to name our daughter after a type of sushi roll?”
“Hear me out,” Grace said, palms faced down on the table. “I truly think she hears you when you call her agi. The fact that Maki sounds so close to agi, I think she chose her own name.” It was sweet hearing Grace’s theory that agi hears me call her that.
“I have to play devil’s advocate,” I began to say. “How does ‘Maki’ tick off the rule that she must also have an English name?”
“I knew you’d ask that.” Grace took one of the napkins from the cafe table, writing ‘Maki’ in Hangul. “The spelling of her name in Hangul has somewhat of a ‘g’ sounding ‘k’,” she explained. I was impressed at Grace’s growing knowledge of the Korean language and alphabet. She’s really come a long away since we first met all those years ago. “So, her name would sound like ‘Ma-gi’.”
It sounds a lot like Maggie,” I said. Grace pointed at me as if I discovered the meaning of the unknown.
“Yes! Her English name would be Maggie.” I pondered the thought, thinking about our daughter as a Maki.
“Kim Ma-ki,” I said out loud. “Maggie Kim.” I imagined hearing her name being called at her Kindergarten graduation. I imagined teaching her how to write her name. I imagined calling her for dinner, introducing her to the family by her name for the first time. I imagined now calling agi by her name now, giving her an identity way before she arrives.
“Isn’t it cute?” Grace said excitedly. It was cute to see Grace all giddy about this process. It was one of the few times she seemed to enjoy this pregnancy; something she had missed when having Willow. I smiled at her, looking at agi’s potential name.
“I’m glad you and agi had this revelation, but,” I looked at Grace, hating that I was about to burst her bubble. “Maki is a popular name in Japan.” Ugh, I can see her world crashing down.
“It’s not Korean?!” Grace said, heartbroken. “Oh my God…”
“Jagiya,” I reached out and went to give Grace a hug. Her hormones have been at an all-time high for this last trimester. “I didn’t mean to upset you.”
“I just thought I had her name all figured out,” Grace said, wiping through tears. “She had reacted so clearly to it… I just thought for once I was on the right path.” I placed my hand on her belly, making small circles on it for reassurance.
“Maki“, I gently said, looking down at Grace’s stomach. Agi quickly kicked underneath my hand, as if she was responding to her name already. Grace was right.
“We can’t go against her wishes,” I said, looking up at Grace. “This is the name she has chosen for herself.” Grace widened her eyes and smiled big, looking down at her belly.
“Hi, Maki,” Grace said to agi. I never thought seeing Grace talk to our daughter would give me butterflies like this. I can see just how much this means to her. This was her second chance to a life she couldn’t have before, and she basked in every moment this time around. She looked up at me and smiled. “I think her legal name should be Maki; her English name Maggie.”
“I like the sound of that,” I agreed.
…
Grace and I met Shawn and Skylar at the sushi restaurant for dinner one night. Grace took a deep breath as we walked in, finding our table where Shawn and Skylar were.
“Hey, guys,” I greeted the couple; Grace went in for a hug with her cousin. I pulled out Grace’s chair for her and settled down into our seats. “You guys are obsessed with this place.”
“Not we, him,” Skylar said, pointing at Shawn.
“Listen, the food here is delicious,” Shawn debated. “You don’t find good Asian restaurants in the city anymore–“
“Oh, you haven’t been to Flushing yet,” I said. “It’s New York’s Koreatown. Maybe we can go there some time and bring the ladies some goodies.” The waiter comes by our table, handing us menus. Shawn declines the menu.
“I already know what I want,” he said. Skylar rolls her eyes.
“Oh God,” Skylar sighed, hiding her embarrassment. And there it is: the con being Shawn’s wife.
“I would like 3 orders of the maki rolls,” Shawn stated. Skylar ordered the miso soup and gyoza special, while I got the chicken teriyaki in support of Grace.
“Speaking of maki rolls,” I started to say, looking at Grace.
“Don’t tell me you caved in, Jamie,” Skylar said, scolding me. “I know how persuasive Grace can be.”
“Uhm, rude!” Grace commented. I laughed, placing my hand on Grace’s leg.
“Grace and I finally decided on a name,” I began to say. Skylar’s eyes lit up, immediately shifting her mood from embarrassment to excitement.
“Oh my god, really?!” Skylar squealed. “Tell us the entire story.”
“Well, Grace had walked in during one of my lectures, excited to share a revelation she had in the nursery,” I began to explain, smiling in Grace’s direction.
“Well, let me rewind back a bit,” Grace added. “Your husband could not stop bringing over those damn maki rolls from this place, which—by the way, Shawn— we’re totally fighting after she’s born.” Shawn’s face turned red as I laughed.
“Back to Grace walking in,” I continued. “So, after my lecture, Grace insisted that it was actually the baby craving the maki rolls, not her.” Grace rolled her eyes as I recalled the story. “So, I had made up this silly song, calling the baby ‘Maki agi’.” Skylar looked over at Shawn, obviously for a translation.
“Agi means ‘baby’ in Korean, so ‘Maki Baby”, Shawn explained.
“Baby went crazy every time we’d sing that,” Grace continued on. And then it suddenly clicked to me. Maki should be her name.” Skylar slammed her hands on the tabletop out of excitement.
“Wait, that’s actually so fucking cute!” Skylar said with a huge smile on her face. Grace nodded, agreeing with her.
“One thing we also wanted was that she have an English name,” I further explained.
“Ah, that’s a good move,” Shawn commented.
“We saw how similar ‘Maki’ in Korean sounded a lot like ‘Ma-gi’, so we decided her English name—”
“Would be Maggie?!” Skylar said excitedly. “Stop, wait that is actually such a good fucking name.” Skylar gets up from her seat, nearly in tears as she hugged Grace. “Grace, stop; I’m so happy for you!”
“Sky,” Grace said, trying to hold back tears. Skylar walks to me, also pulling me into a hug.
“Baby Maki,” Shawn repeated. “I guess she also understood Uncle Shawn’s obsession with the maki rolls, so in a way I did you guys a favor.”
“You’re not off the hook,” Grace noted. “We’re still fighting once after Maki is born.” After Maki is born.
…
It was a rainy, April day in the city. I got out of work at 5 o’clock and told Grace I would bring home dinner. She insisted we could have anything I wanted to get, until I sighed.
“Jagiya,” I began to say. “Let me word it this way: what is Maki wanting to eat tonight?”
“She’s feeling birria tacos,” Grace said over the phone. “Oh! And a Mexican cola.” Grace had realized that she could get anything she wanted by saying Maki wanted it. I couldn’t say no to my little girl just yet… only when she’s asking for a nose piercing or tattoo when she gets older. I smiled through the phone, stopping in front of a shop.
“I’ll pick up some tacos for you and Maki,” I said with a smile. “I’ll see you in a few.” I hung up the phone and entered a brightly lit shop on 5th Avenue. I let out a sigh, walking up to the counter.
“Hello,” I greeted the person behind the glass counter. “I called about the engagement ring.”
Letters From Liz. 