“Grace,” I began to say, walking towards Grace with my hand out. I immediately take the empty bottle of Soju out of her hands. “What the hell did you do?”
“What does it look like I’m doing?” Grace said, picking up the glass from the countertop. “I’m just following Korean culture, drinking to be socially acceptable in this country—”
“Grace, you’ve been sober for over a year now, and you just ruined that by drinking some cheap, peach soju from the convenience store!” I looked at Grace, remembering seeing this exact look on her face many nights back in New York. This look of defeat, feeling so lost that the only escape is drinking to complete numbness. I’ve seen this look on her face too many times, especially the times it was because of our relationship. She shrugged her shoulders and rolled her eyes, pretending to not care. Before she could walk away from me, I grabbed her by the arm, stopping her from going any further. “Grace—”
“Get your hands off of me!” Grace demanded as she yanked her arm away from me. “I don’t have to explain anything to you!”
“So you rather go back out there, wasted, and pretend that nothing happened?” I spat back. “Seriously Grace, what’s going on with you—”
“Just leave me alone already!” Grace shouted. “Don’t you think you’ve done enough? It’s like everywhere I turn my head, every time I think I can move on and live my life in New York, California, and Ulsan – you’re right here making my life ten times more complicated! It’s bad enough my cousin is with your best friend and that no matter what, you will always be around, but for fuck’s sake: just stay out of my fucking life!” I looked at Grace, not only hurt by her words but confused in where this was coming from. I didn’t want to question her any further; I don’t think she’s even able to hold a conversation any longer. I nodded my head, letting her pass by me. She’s right, you know. She hasn’t been my responsibility in a long time, so why continue to treat her like she is? Sahim can deal with her.
“Go ahead then,” I finally said as she began to sway herself back in the living room, I walked behind her, feeling the numbness that Grace is feeling. All eyes stare at us entering the living room, Haram being the first to raise an eyebrow once I looked at her. I looked over at Skylar, who’s sitting on Shawn’s lap as she watched her cousin walk back to her seat next to Sahim.
“Everything okay?” Shawn finally asked. I nodded my head, but Grace decided to open her mouth to speak.
“Never been better!” Grace throws her hands up, laughing as she looked around the room. Sahim seemed to smile, but it wasn’t anything close to the expression Grace had on. “So, what did I miss?”
“Haram was teaching us how to say our names in Korean,” Sahim began to explain as he looked at Haram. “What was it? She-one?” Haram started to giggle at Sahim’s pronunciation.
“Siwon,” Haram corrected him. “The name ‘Sahim’ can be translated to mean ‘unique’ which in Korean the closest name to meaning ‘unique’ is the word ‘perfect’, or ‘Siwon’,” Sahim smiled as Haram spoke; in a way it began to make me feel uncomfortable.
“Ah, perfect and unique, huh?” Grace sarcastically pointed out.
“Haram had mentioned that it’s better if we had Korean names when we interact with natives here, like at restaurants or at events,” Sahim furthered explained as Haram nodded her head.
“It’s very true. It’s an act of politeness and respect,” Haram began to explain. “Skylar’s Korean name is ‘Haneul’ which means ‘sky’, and ‘Grace’ in Korean is—”
“Eunhye,” Grace spat back. “Jamie taught me that when we dated.” My eyes widen, shocked that she would even say something like that. I felt the knot in my stomach tighten even more, anxious to see what is said next.
“Jaemin?” Haram repeated as she looked at me.
“Jamie,” Grace emphasized. “You know, his American name that he goes by.”
“Grace!” Skylar shouted at Grace, appalled at her cousin. “What the fuck has gotten into you tonight?”
“Oh, so you don’t see these two just flirting in front of my face?” Grace said as she stood up, dropping her purse on the ground. My heart stopped once I heard a hollow glass bottle hit the ground. Grace knew, and everyone else knew, what that was that they heard fall to the ground. I could see it in Grace’s face that she was panicking, bending down quickly to grab her purse from the floor. Sahim picked it up before she did, which made Grace go mad.
“Sahim,” Grace said, trying to grab her purse from his hand. “Give me my purse—” It was already too late as he began to unzip her purse, revealing the soju bottle. Skylar was the first person to react.
“Grace,” Skylar got up and grabbed the bottle from Sahim, swishing the almost empty bottle in front of her. “Please tell me you didn’t do what the fuck I think you did!”
“Oh, so everyone else can drink and have a good time, but it’s a crime when I do it?” Grace debated, slurring her words in between. “I’m a grown ass woman—”
“How could you?!” Skylar pleaded with Grace. She looked more hurt than upset with her cousin. “A year’s sobriety down the drain because you can’t put your fucking differences aside and be here for Shawn and me! Seriously Grace, the past is the past and you need to get the fuck over it!”
“Sky,” Shawn tried to calm Skylar down, but she wasn’t hearing anything else but Grace’s slurred words at this point. To my surprise, she turned to me, pointing the soju bottle in my direction. “You fucking did this.”
“Wait, hold on, Skylar,” Haram began to speak, feeling defensive. “Grace is responsible for her own decisions, not Jaemin.” Skylar looked at Haram, laughing as her response.
“Oh, sweetie,” Skylar began to say. “If only you knew the entire story.” She looked at me before looking back at Grace. “As if the last time you blacked out from alcohol wasn’t because you had just aborted Jamie’s baby. Anything to live this fantasy of being a dancer because you are trying so desperately to find out how can someone possibly do such a heinous thing like abandon their child for a career like her mom did!”
The air was thick and still. Grace was left speechless; her last breath punched out of her with Skylar’s words. I couldn’t even look at Haram, but I know she was looking at me, dumbfounded at what was just said. Sahim looked at Grace with a look of disgust in his eyes.
“Sky,” Shawn was the one that finally said something. “That’s enough.” Skylar didn’t say anything else, she just walked away and slammed the bedroom door shut.
“Sahim,” Grace tried to grab Sahim by the hand, but he rejected her touch. “Sahim, please—”
“I’ll see you at work tomorrow,” Sahim said, not even looking at Grace.
“Sahim, please,” Grace continued to plea, but the more she did, the angrier it made him.
“Just stop,” Sahim finally said, disgusted. “A lot of things about you that didn’t make sense, finally do.” Sahim turned around and began walking towards the door. He looked at me, fuming at the sight. He walks out of the small apartment.
“Grace,” I gently said before she started to cry. She held her palms in her head and runs to the bathroom, slamming the door once she enters. It’s now just me, Shawn, and Haram in the living room now.
“I’m going as well,” Haram finally said, gathering her things.
“Haram,” I began to say.
“Ya,” Haram shouted at me, visibly hurt and angry. “What is there possibly left to say?” She was absolutely right. I didn’t say anything back, which made Haram finally leave the small apartment as well. I stood in the living room with Shawn, completely unsure what happens after this now.
Letters From Liz. 