The beautiful thing about exploring in another country is the fact that you see things you never thought you’d get the chance to see in person. The bamboo trees were tall and skinny; some even looked like they were intertwining with each other to create some sort of bamboo-made roof. The weather was perfect for hiking the path, and I didn’t have any idea that a place like this even existed so close to the city.
Jamie walked ahead of me for most of the hike, guiding us down the path. It made me wonder if he comes here a lot; we walked around as if he did this frequently. Every few steps ahead, he would turn around to check on me; I would give him the thumbs up before he continued walking forward. We eventually made a stop at one of the benches, grabbing our water bottles from our bags to drink.
“How are you liking it so far?” Jamie asked as he took a sip of water.
“The sights are breathtaking,” I answered, looking up toward the trees and other surroundings. “Something that you don’t get to see back in America.”
“It’s the beauty of traveling,” Jamie added. “I remember when I got into New York City for the first time ever; we got there pretty late at night and all of us were just so mesmerized with the billboards and all of the lights. It’s like you don’t think you’d ever see these things in person after seeing them in books and movies.”
“Were you a Home Alone 2 fan?” I asked, mostly teasing but also curious. Jamie looked at me before he slowly nodded his head. I couldn’t help but laugh. “Wait, really?”
“My sisters and I grew up watching all of the Christmas movies,” Jamie further explained. “The huge toy store scene? It was my absolute dream as a kid to go to.”
“I mean of course,” I responded. “But it closed way before even my mom and dad’s time.”
“Nevertheless, it was breathtaking my first time,” Jamie added, clearly in thought.
“Would you go back?” I asked, not realizing just how much weight that question carried. Great question, Grace. He turned his head to look at me; it was like he was thinking the same things I was.
“I don’t know,” Jamie vaguely answered. “There’s so much more of America I have yet to see.” I nodded my head, immediately jumping away from the subject.
“How often do you come here to hike?” I said as I got up from my seat, stretching my body. “You seem to know your way around here.”
“I used to come here more frequently when I was kid,” Jamie began to say as he got up from his seat as well. “My father and I would go hiking before the weather got too cold in Autumn. It was somewhat of a tradition for us to do this, but now I usually go once a year around this time.”
“September is still a pretty warm month though,” I said as we started walking along the path again. Once we got toward the top of one of the mountain trails, Jamie had stopped us to take a breather. He sighed before he said anything.
“Today marks 7 years since my father passed away,” Jamie admitted. Fuck. I felt horrible for even having to make him remember why he does what he does on this specific day. “Every year, rain or shine, I try to take the walk to honor my father’s tradition.”
“Oh, I’m, uh–” I started to apologize, but Jamie shook his head before I went any further.
“It’s okay,” Jamie reassured. “Really.” I don’t say anything else after that; I allowed the sights of the bamboo trees fill in the void that was this conversation. I felt weird being on this hiking path with Jamie on the anniversary of his father’s passing. I felt as if I was intruding on something sacred. Out of all people in the world, why would I be here with Jamie on this specific day? He did invite me, sure, but was it out of pity? Did he think I was going to say no or something? If I knew the reason Jamie was taking this path today, I wouldn’t have agreed to come along. Too late now, Grace.
“Did you finish your piece for the production?” Jamie finally asked. I sighed, totally forgetting that was a thing I was working on today.
“Almost,” I answered, looking at the road as I walked. “I have a couple of things to polish, but for the most part it’s ready to be shown to the director.” Jamie looked at me as he chuckled.
“You don’t seem too excited,” Jamie mentioned. I shook my head, hoping I didn’t come off as ungrateful for the opportunity.
“I am, I’m just tired of the rehearsal process,” I said, looking up at Jamie. “Rehearsals are the tedious part of the production. I like being on stage and performing; not practicing all day in some stuffy room.”
“I guess I can understand,” Jamie said, looking up at the sky as he spoke. “I sometimes find myself anticipating wanting to go into the courtroom rather than studying on a case leading up to it. It’s like the adrenaline needs its time to just come out and do its thing.” I looked at Jamie, not really understanding the analogy between law and dancing, but I understood where he was coming from. He always tried to make everything into an analogy. He looked over at me and saw the look on my face; nearly smirking. He cleared his throat before he spoke again. “So, when is this new dance being debuted at the show?”
“I’m not sure yet,” I answered, looking forward toward the road again. “I know the director wanted to debut it towards the end of the production, so I think it won’t be too long until it does.”
“You’ll do great,” Jamie reassured me.
“Yeah?” I questioned, looking at Jamie. “Do you think it’ll be any better than what you saw during opening night?” Jamie’s face began to turn red. I couldn’t help but laugh.
“You know why I was even there, right?” Jamie stopped walking to look at me. “I was gifted those tickets from my mother. She wanted to go and see the show, but she couldn’t make it that night. She told me to go instead, since my–” he stopped and thought about before he spoke. Your girlfriend, Jamie.
“Did you enjoy the show?” I asked, gearing the conversation elsewhere. I can see it in Jamie’s expression that he knew that I knew where that conversation was going.
“It was a beautiful show,” Jamie answered as he started to walk again. “All the dancers were extremely talented, and the visual direction was mesmerizing.” Jamie turned to look at me once more before speaking. “You were also did amazing at the show.”
“Thanks,” I said, feeling a little weird hearing a compliment like that from Jamie. Jamie was supportive of my transition from law to dance back when we were dating. If I had any late night rehearsals, Jamie was the first person there to come get me when they were over. He was really the only one that understood why I wanted to get back into dancing; he knew how much it meant to me when I first started. He would’ve been so supportive about the production if we were together during the time I got the gig.
There a little awkward silence as we slowed down to our next resting point; once we found benches to rest on, I took out my phone to look at the time and noticed Sahim had texted me about an hour ago. ‘
Sahim: Wanna grab some dinner before rehearsal tonight? 🙂
I felt a wave of guilt all of a sudden. This was harmless, but knowing that Sahim knows that Jamie is my ex makes this hang out session almost immediately uncomfortable.
“Grace?” Jamie said as he looked at me. I powered off my phone screen and quickly looked back at Jamie. “You’re alright?”
“Yeah,” I said, putting a smile on my face. “It was my production group chat notifying us about something for tonight’s rehearsal.” I knew he knew I was lying right in front of his face. Jamie would pierce his mouth shut when he knew I was lying. Most of the time, he waited until I said the truth; this time, he just went along with it.
“The end of the path isn’t too far from here,” Jamie explained as he began to get up. “I can drive you back to your place or straight to your rehearsal if you’d like.”
“You don’t have to, Jamie,” I said, getting up from my seat and started to walk along the path again. “I’ll go back to the hotel and freshen up before going to rehearsal tonight.” I didn’t look back to see Jamie’s reaction; I just wanted to get to the end of the hike and go out separate ways for the day. Jamie didn’t say anything back to me; it was like he knew exactly what was going on inside my head and didn’t want to intervene. At least he understands.
…
I ran past the lobby of the hotel, hoping to bypass everyone in the lobby getting ready to go for tonight’s rehearsal. I needed to change quickly and get rid of any evidence that showed me being out in the forest all day. I was nervous; I didn’t want to have to explain myself if Aimee, Maurice, or Sahim saw something unusual on me. I quickly opened the front door of my hotel, shutting it behind me before anyone could see. I shut my eyes and took a deep breath. What am I even doing?
Letters From Liz. 