I was glad to have had a day without having rehearsals. After the night I had, I don’t think my body was strong enough for an intense rehearsal before a show. I needed to rest my mind for the day; before I was able to do that, I needed to get in contact with my family back in America.
I walked out of the elevator in my building and turned the corner to go down the hallway. I was so happy to finally be back at the hotel. Of course, nothing I ever need comes easy and was faced with something else I needed to handle: Sahim.
I see Sahim sitting on the ground outside of my door. I slowly walk down the hall, closer to him. He looked up and quickly got off from the ground. He looked like he wasn’t happy.
“Sahim,” I said as I stopped in front of my door. “What are you doing here?”
“I’ve tried calling you this morning to check on you,” Sahim said, seemingly annoyed. “You weren’t answering so I tried to stop by your room and check on you instead.”
“I just had to clear my mind off of everything that happened yesterday,” I sighed as I said, then giving Sahim a faint smile. “I’m okay now. Just needed some fresh air or something.”
“Where’d you go?” Sahim asked.
“Just out,” I said, not knowing what else to say. “I woke up really early and just went for a walk.” Sahim looked at me, analyzing my clothes. I know he’s wondering why I’m wearing the same clothes from last night.
“How are you feeling though?” Sahim softly asked me, changing the subject. “I know yesterday we didn’t end the night on good terms; it’s one of the reasons why I wanted to come by and see you.”
“I know,” I began to say, playing with the string of Sahim’s pullover hoodie. “I’m sorry for how things went yesterday. I didn’t mean to get angry at you for something you had nothing to do with.”
“I should’ve gave you your space when you asked for it,” Sahim insisted, returning the faint smile back. “And we should’ve had our conversation when you were ready to have it.” I sighed, knowing exactly what conversation he was talking about.
“Regardless, it needed to be had,” I stated, looking directly at Sahim. “It wasn’t fair for me to keep something like this from you.” Sahim’s expression on his face doesn’t change, which makes me worried. What if we can’t get past this? What if I ruined yet another relationship thinking I was doing the right thing? “Do you want to grab some coffee or something?”
“Grace,” Sahim simply said as he sighed. “I don’t want you bottling up things to keep the peace.”
“I’m not,” I quickly said, a little annoyed. “I just want to get some coffee and get my day started. So do you want to come with me or not?”
“We really need to talk about things,” Sahim emphasized. I rolled my eyes, which made Sahim scrunch his eyebrows together. “We can’t just brush it off like things weren’t said.”
“What is there to talk about?” I questioned, crossing my arms along my chest. “What happened yesterday had nothing to do with you—“
“Besides the point that you said Jamie was your ex,” Sahim recalled. “Would you have been so nonchalant if the roles were reversed?”
“I wouldn’t have made it such a big deal after explaining to you the circumstances,” I spat out. “Shawn and Jamie are like family, snd Shawn is dating Skylar. It’s not weird if I bump into Jamie at gatherings because of that.”
“Then why didn’t you ever tell me?” Sahim asked. “If it wasn’t a big deal, why did you act like you and him didn’t know each other?”
“Because we would’ve had the same useless conversation we’re having now,” I answered, rolling my eyes. “Seriously Sahim, I have other things to worry about besides my ex-boyfriend. I have to worry about my family and what’s going on back home.”
“I get that and I respect that, but it’s not fair to backlog this just because it doesn’t matter to you. What if this matters to me?” I was getting annoyed with Sahim thinking I didn’t care about our relationship enough to talk things out.
“This does matter to me,” I began to say. “But I literally have to deal with my family first. We will talk later; I promise.” I smiled at Sahim to reassure him that I was being serious. I really did care about Sahim and wanted to work things out with him, but I couldn’t have this conversation with him right now. For fuck’s sake, not when I just got back from spending the night at Jamie’s.
“Okay,” he simply said, looking down at me. “How about we go out tonight? That hotpot place we’ve been meaning to try out?”
“I would love to,” I smiled as I said, kissing him on the cheek. “Meet me in the lobby by 7. I should be ready by then.” Sahim smiled and kissed my forehead before walking away from my door. As soon as he turned the corner of the hallway, I let out a deep breath and opened the door to my room.
I immediately threw my bag on my bed, sitting at the edge of it to make this phone call. I shut my eyes as I dialed my dad’s number. I didn’t know what was going to happen, but I needed to get this off of my chest.
“Grace?” I hear my dad’s voice answer the phone.
“Hi dad,” I greeted, feeling relieved as soon as I do. “How are things back home?”
“Everything’s good,” he answered. “We have Willow for the week while Max is away with his wife. Mom took her to the beach today as I got some work done on this case. They’re both pooped from today.”
“I’ll definitely have to video chat with her later this week,” I said, smiling at the thought. “Max told me that Willow’s new obsession are collecting seashells.”
“She brought her box of seashells with her to add more this week,” my dad laughed as he explained. “Luckily, your mom loves the beach. But how’s everything going with you? We haven’t heard from you in awhile.”
“Yeah,” I sighed as I answered. “With the production a little past the midway point, I’ve been tasked to work on a couple of numbers for the show.”
“Like choreographing?” he asked.
“Yeah,” I answered, smiling. “It’s been exciting. It’s making me excited to go back and teach at the academy.” I enjoyed being on stage each night and performing all these different numbers of the production, but I feel like my best work is when I’m creating the magic behind the scenes; putting together the story through movement and making sure that the dancer is efficiently telling that story. There are times I want to do nothing but go back to the academy and do just that, but a part of me knows I have to finish this production; not just for the sake of it all, but for myself. I can go back to the academy and start this new life once I finish this one.
“That’s great, Grace,” my dad said. I could tell he was smiling through the phone. “Are you making sure you take time to yourself? Eat? Exploring the country?”
“Yes, dad,” I said, adjusting my seat. “I’m actually going to this hotpot place for dinner tonight. I’m definitely doing some exploring while I’m here.” There was a moment where both of us was silent. “Dad, I–“
“I know,” he said, sighing as he did. “Uncle Mason called me. Skylar called him in a frenzy late at night.” I squeezed my eyes shut. Fuck. I should’ve called last night.
“So you weren’t going to tell me what was going on?” I asked, feeling annoyed. “You were just gonna leave me in the dark about Uncle Mason’s condition?”
“This isn’t something you need to be worrying about,” my dad began to explain.
“I still should’ve known what’s going on!” I said loudly, now getting angry. “God forbid if he’d just dropped dead while I was in Korea–“
“It wouldn’t get to that point, Grace,” my dad stated. “He’s doing okay for now. He’s in the right hands and he’s taking it easy but he’s doing okay.”
“It’s the fact that no one was going to tell me what’s going on back home until shit was too late,” I argued. “I have the right to know what’s going on back at home; for fuck’s sake, I’m still a part of the family–“
“Grace,” my dad interrupted. He sighed before he continued. “I’m sorry that we didn’t tell you. I know how much Uncle Mason means to you and you should’ve known what was going on despite being so far away. We just didn’t want to distract you or worry you; you already have so much on your plate over there.”
“I refuse to be left in the dark about my family, dad,” I emphasized once more.
“And you’re not going to be,” my dad responded back, now in a stern way. “I promise.” Nothing else was said after that; it was kind of hard to jump to another topic of discussion after having such a heavy one. “So, mom is already planning this huge welcome back party for when you get back.” I started to laugh; that sounds like my mother.
“Yeah?” I asked.
“She’s excited for you to get back,” my dad said. “That’s all she talks about.” The thought makes me smile. I’ve learned to move past my resentment toward my mother the older I get and the more I understand the decisions she made. In a way, I made the same decisions with the same logic she made when she was my age. I’ve learned to accept that her mistakes were hers to make, and they are not a reflection of the ones I made in my life. I see just how much she cherishes her family after thinking she lost it all those years ago. Because of her willing to get her family back, I was able to never lose mine.
“I’ll call you and mom during the week before Willow goes back to Max,” I smiled as I said.
“That sounds like a plan,” my dad said before letting out a sigh. “Well, let me get back to finishing this paperwork before I call it a night. You work later today?”
“I have off today,” I answered. “I’ll probably relax before our next round of rehearsals start this week.”
“Make sure to enjoy your time there, Grace.” my dad reminded me. “I’ll talk to you soon.”
“Bye, dad,” I said before hanging up the phone. I sighed, walking toward the window of my room to look out to the city. I really should do some exploring.
Letters From Liz. 