Car rides tend to be where Jamie and I spoke the most, even when we were on good terms.
We once sat in traffic in New York for nearly 45 minutes during a random snowstorm in November. Christmas music was already playing on the radio, which I immediately turned off to save any Christmas spirit I had in me for the year.
“You’re feeling very Grinch-like tonight,” Jamie teased, looking at me huffing in the passenger seat.
“I hate city traffic,” I said, shaking my head and looking out the car window. “This is why I take the subway to get where I need to go.”
“Well, on a holiday weekend you know it’s impossible to get anywhere on time,” Jamie mentioned. I looked at him and cocked my eyebrow up.
“Oh, so you’re a native New Yorker now?” I teased Jamie.
“Are you a native New Yorker?” Jamie looked at me and asked. “What borough is Virginia located in?” I nudged Jamie as he started to laugh out loud. He had such an obnoxious, but contagious laugh. I couldn’t stay mad at him.
“I just wished that for one holiday season, I wasn’t in New York,” I said, leaning my head on the back of the car seat. “Everyone makes New York out to be this magical ass place during the holiday, which just makes it more dirty, more polluted, and unpleasing to actually experience.” I looked over at Jamie; he wore a perplexed look on his face. It didn’t click on me until after saying my hate for tourists that I realized that technically, Jamie was one too.
“I’m enjoying my holiday season in New York,” Jamie confessed, looking forward at the traffic. “But as a native New Yorker, I can see where you’re coming from.” I couldn’t help but roll my eyes at Jamie’s banter.
“You’re different,” I said to Jamie. “You’re not solely here to just experience Christmas in New York. You’re here for a job; plus, you’re not that annoying.” I teased Jamie; he immediately smiled and shook his head.
“Thanks,” Jamie said, sarcastically. He leaned his head back, finally relaxing and surrendering to the traffic. He looks at me and smiles. “I have my reasons for enjoying New York right now.”
“Yeah?” I playfully said. “And what are those reasons?”
“I get to spend the holidays with the most beautiful girl in the world,” Jamie said, smiling wide. “And I happened to had found her living in a one-bedroom apartment in New York City.”
…
“Is this the place?” Jamie has asked me as he pulled up to the parking garage out front. I was finally back at the hotel for the night. I didn’t say anything, I just nodded my head. Jamie pulled into the parking garage to drop me off towards the front of the hotel.
Once we get to the front, Jamie turns off the car. The radio isn’t playing anymore, and we both sit in the car in silence. Jamied sighed before he spoke.
“You want to call Sahim so that he can come and get you?” Jamie asked. I immediately looked at Jamie, angry that he would even bring Sahim up. What did Sahim tell you? What the hell was that suppose to mean?
“I can get to my room by myself,” I spat out, unfastening the seat belt to get out of the car.
“It’s late, and anything can happen in a hotel like this,” Jamie argued, finally looking at me. I can tell he was; the headlights of the car are faced toward a wall and the light hits his face. “You should call him downstairs.”
“Listen, I don’t know what you guys spoke about back at Skylar’s place, but I don’t appreciate you assuming anything about Sahim and I. It’s none of your business.” I spat out at Jamie.
“Is he not your boyfriend now?” Jamie scrunched his eyebrows together. “The way he spoke about you back at Skylar’s place; he very much seemed like you had wedding bells and future children in the works.”
“Are you jealous?” I crossed my arms, trying to change the subject of this narrative.
“Grace, please,” Jamie said, adjusting in his seat. “I have a girlfriend. That would be inappropriate.” To hear Jamie say he has a girlfriend took me off-guard. Why did it make me feel the way that I feel right now? Jamie has the right to move on, Grace. You do too.
“Then maybe you should go home to her,” I said. “She wouldn’t like the fact that you’re sitting in a parking garage with your ex this late at night.”
“She’s not possessive, like my ex,” Jamie spat back. “I was just trying to do the right thing and get you a ride home since it was my fault that your plans were cancelled with your cousin–“
“Let’s set something in stone, Jamie,” I interrupted him, now sitting up with my body completely turned over toward Jamie. “I didn’t need your help tonight. I could’ve took a cab back here, but you wanted to so bad sit me down in a car just so that you had any chance to talk to me.”
“You really think I’m that type of person, Grace?” Jamie asked, angry at my response. I know he wasn’t, but I know that he knows this was going to be the only time he and I would have a chance to talk, yet that chance to do so left when I left New York and California. I began to open the passenger’s side door to get out of the car.
“Good night, Jamie,” I said, walking away from the car.
“Grace, call him,” Jamie shouted from the car. “It’s not safe-“
“Leave me alone!” I turned around, yelling in Jamie’s direction. “I’m not your fucking responsibility!” Jamie quickly gets out from the car, looking over the hood of the car facing me.
“For fuck’s sake, Grace! You’re in a foreign country where you have no fucking clue what could happen to foreigners at night!” Jamie shouted. I turned around, walking toward the doors leading to the front of the hotel. It wasn’t until I got to the front where I see a man yell at me toward the side of the building. I couldn’t understand his Korean; it sound like it was a different dilect than I was used to hearing. He reaked of alcohol, and he began to get closer to me. Fuck.
“Ya,” I hear Jamie’s voice echo through the parking lot. He steps in front of me, talking to the guy in a loud voice toward the Korean man. The man quickly walks away from us, acting as if nothing was happening. Once the guy completely left the area, Jamie turned around to face me. I don’t say anything to him because if I did, I would prove him right: I should have called Sahim downstairs to get me.
“Come on,” Jamie said, walking toward the entrance of the hotel. “What floor are you on?”
“Jamie,” I said, less aggressive than I had since leaving Skylar’s place.
“I don’t want to hear it,” Jamie said. “I’m walking you upstairs whether you like it or not.” I didn’t object; I was actually quite scared to go upstairs on my own after what just happened. Of course, I won’t let him see it. I just sighed, walking up to Jamie as we both entered the hotel together.
…
“This is it,” I finally said as we got up to the 7th floor to my room. I took out my key to open the door and go inside.
“I just want you to be safe while you’re here,” Jamie softly said. I looked back at Jamie before entering my room. He looked tired, but so relieved that I was finally home. His hair was a brown black color, wavy and kempt. He had his glasses on; the pair he used to wear back in New York. He looked as if America never came into his life; like a true Korean living in his country. But then I remember that as long as I’m here, I’m just a reminder that America came into his life, and now it stands in front of this hotel room after almost getting hurt by a drunk, Korean man.
“Thanks for the ride home,” I said, exhausted from tonight’s activities. “Have a good night, Jamie.”
“You too Grace,” Jamie answered. I slowly turned the doorknob to let myself into my hotel room. I turn around once I entered the room. I slowly closed the front door, leaving Jamie behind. In my past. In the dark.
Letters From Liz. 