“Bam! UNO, baby!” Skylar yells as she threw her last card on top of the deck of cards. Sahim sucked his teeth and tossed his cards on the table. I couldn’t help but laugh at Sahim being so competitive; it was kind of cute in a way.
“How the hell are you so good at UNO?” Sahim asked as he gathered the cards on the table.
“Well without getting too figurative: I’m good at playing games,” Skylar bragged, getting up from the table to grab another game behind her. “Y’all trying to get bankrupted in Monopoly?” Before Sahim answered, his phone buzzed on the table. I couldn’t help but look at the screen, and then at Skylar. Fuck; she totally caught me looking at his screen. Sahim picked up the phone to look at the screen.
“As tempting as that offer sounds, I actually have to get going,” Sahim said before looking at me. “Sonia wants the tech crew to rewire the venue lights in the morning before tomorrow’s show.”
“What time?” I said, hoping it wasn’t too early. I actually wanted to spend some time with Sahim before tomorrow’s second show of the production.
“7,” Sahim answered as he got up to get his things from a chair. Well that idea is out the window… “What time do dancers have to be at rehearsal?” he asked.
“12:30, thank god,” I said, helping Slylar clean up the table. “I could sleep in just a little later than usual,” I teased Sahim. He laughed and smiled big as he did.
“Sleep-in, huh? So you’re not going to be at rehearsal on time?” Sahim sarcastically responded before he laughed. I nudged him on his shoulder.
“Such a comedian,” I deadpanned. Sahim’s smile never left his face. As he put his coat on, he looked over at Skylar who was finishing cleaning the table and putting all the various games away that the AirBnB came with. “Thank you for having us tonight, Skylar. I hope you and Shawn have a safe flight to Seoul.”
“Anytime, but you do know Grace is staying over, right?” Skylar pointed out. I looked over at Skylar, hoping she wasn’t insisting anything with her response. “So, she will be seeing you tomorrow at work.”
“Yes ma’am,” Sahim teased before looking back at me. I smiled at him as he smiled at me. “I’ll see you at rehearsal tomorrow.” Sahim kissed my forehead before saying goodbye to Skylar and leaving the small apartment. I knew that Skylar was going to say something as soon as Sahim left. Newsflash: she did.
“I had to let him know that you won’t be joining him in bed tonight,” Skylar finally said as she continued to clean. I rolled my eyes before sitting on the sofa in front of us.
“He knew I was staying here for the night,” I said as I looked through my phone.
“Mhm,” Skylar simply said as she walked past me. “Did he also know that Jamie is your ex-boyfriend?” I looked over at Skylar as she looked at me. “He was really cozy with Jamie when Shawn, you, and I were in the kitchen.”
“No, Sahim doesn’t know Jamie is my ex,” I admitted. “And I rather him not know, ever.”
“So you think he’s not going to ask you why Shawn and his friend didn’t stay to play games?” Skylar asked. “Sounds like you’re the one playing games.”
“The past is in the past, so why bring it up?” I defended my reasoning for not telling Sahim. What good did it do to tell Sahim? It wasn’t like Jamie was going to be around in the same places as Sahim anyway… although they have been in the same place twice now.
“I don’t know, maybe because something like tonight could play out again and he deserves to know,” Skylar crossed her arms, annoyed at me.
“Oh, like how Jamie mysteriously showed up at the opening night of my show?” I spat back, finally confessing what I saw that night.
“Why would Jamie be at the show? How would he even know about it?” Skylar questioned.
“I don’t know, maybe because our boyfriend is best friends with him,” I crossed my arms, mocking Skylar’s gestures. “Ask Shawn how Jamie got there. If I wasn’t s focused on the show, it could’ve ruined the entire number seeing him in the audience that night.”
“But you said it yourself, why does it matter what or where Jamie is? Aren’t you happy being with Sahim?” Skylar pointed out.
“I’m not with Sahim,” I quickly corrected. “We’re just going with the flow-“
“Grace,” Skylar interrupted me. “Are you still caught up in your feelings with Jamie? Is that why you don’t want to make things official with Sahim?” I was now angry at Skylar. Even after knowing everything I went through with that man, she insisted that I would let him get the best of my emotions. It made me think she thought was a weak-minded person. She doesn’t know the complete story; she only knows whatever I told her.
“No,” I began to say. “I don’t want to make things official with Sahim knowing that when this production ends, he goes back to where he lives and I’ll be going back to New York. I learned the first time to not date a man that you know won’t come back to you.” Skylar didn’t say anything; I assumed she felt shitty for what she said. I hate fighting with the people that I cared about the most; I feel like that’s all I knew to do with them. As I got older, I started to realize that I only had such a small handful of people that I actually cared about, and I was tired of fighting with them. As I get older, I’m healing from the wounds my younger self endured, but the scars are still visible on my body. “Sky, I know you mean well, but the way I do things now is not how I did them when was younger, or even when I was in California.”
“I’m sorry,” Skylar responded back, finally sitting next to me on the couch. “I just want you to be happy, and Sahim seems like he’s helped you be happier these days. Sure, you’re doing what you love to do, but I can see just how much he cares about you. I can see how much he already loves you as a person just by the way he looks at you. It’s how I knew Shawn loved me, way before he left California last summer.”
I couldn’t imagine Sahim already being in love with me, and if he was, it made me feel horrible. Another man to let down in the long run. There was no doubt that I really liked Sahim, but to love another man was something I didn’t think I would ever want to experience again. I want to love myself for once in my life.
“The difference is that Shawn made an effort to make things right,” I said more out loud than to Skylar. “He left, and came back. I don’t trust anyone to do the same for me.”
“Jamie did,” Sylar spat out. “Shit just happened, but he did come back because he loved you. Sahim would do the same; because people are capable of loving you.” I sighed, leaning back on the couch. I was done having this serious conversation; I just wanted to spend my last night with Skylar before she leaves.
“So, what is the story I’m going to tell about you and Shawn at your wedding during the reception?” I teased, looking over at Skylar. I laughed as she rolled her eyes, but at least she was smiling. She loved that man and even though she never mentioned marriage, she will say yes in a heartbeat. “Am I going to tell the one where you ditched me with my ex to go hook up with his friend after the night at The Voyage?”
“We didn’t hook up that night, smartass,” Skylar corrected before she started to laugh. “Remember when you came back to the condo and Shawn came running down the stairs in one of my robes?”
“Sky, he was terrified! The way I entered the condo; he probably thought he just was with someone else’s girl or some shit,” I laughed, recalling the memories with Skylar.
“I remember you had to pick that janky lock just to get in the damn place! Like girl, I did not hear you knock on that door, no matter how loud it was-” Before Skylar was able to finish her sentence, the front door of the apartment was being knocked on. The knocks were loud and frantic, which made both of us jump in place. Skylar got up from the couch to see who it was.
“Sky!” I whispered, calling out for her. “The fuck are you doing? We’re in a foreign country and you’re about to answer a banging door?!”
“Girl, it’s probably Shawn; he forgot to take the key when he left,” Skylar said as she proceeded to unlock the front door to open it. When she did, I didn’t expect to see what I saw on the other side of the door.
“Jamie?” Skylar said, clearly confused. She looked at Shawn in Jamie’s arms, clearly passed out. “Shawn?!”
It’s always something with you, I thought.
Letters From Liz. 