I could see the utter panic in Shawn’s face. In Skylar’s face. In Grace’s face. The air was dense as if it was the middle of a hot, humid summer here in Korea. I tried to not give away the fact that I was also panicking standing at the doorway of Shawn and Skylar’s rented apartment for the time being. I tried to not stare at Grace whenever my eyes wandered around the room, but I couldn’t help myself. The last time I saw her this close-up was back in California, after our last meeting on the Santa Monica Boardwalk. We argued until the sun came up before going back to Korea the following week. She doesn’t feel like the same person I saw performing on stage all those weeks ago. She doesn’t even feel like the person I left behind in California.
“Babe,” Skylar finally said to Shawn. She was trying her hardest to force a smile on her face. I don’t blame her; this wasn’t supposed to happen tonight. “Can I talk to you for a quick second in the kitchen; now?” Shawn swallowed hard before walking away from me to follow Skylar into the kitchen. I didn’t move from where I was standing, nor did I say anything to Grace or to the man who was sitting next to her. Shawn mentioned that Grace moved on.., is this the guy she’s dating now? Who is he? Did he follow her here for work? I snapped back to reality when I saw the man shift in his seat to stand up and face me. Grace watched his every single move.
“Uhm, uh,” the guy began to say, clearly not knowing what to do or say in this situation. Does he know that I’m Grace’s ex? Is he about to play the new, protective boyfriend role? I know I did when Grace’s ex would come around with little be– with Grace’s daughter. “Annyeong, uhm,” he continued, bowing in place. He kept looking at Grace, but she refused to turn around and face me completely. I can only see the left side of her face, and her face is bright red looking at this man.
“My name is Sahim,” the guy slowly introduced himself, pointing at himself. “That is Grace,” he said as he pointed at Grace. She quickly turned her head to look at me. It didn’t last long; as expected. The guy, Sahim, looked nervous speaking to me. In a way, I kind of felt sorry for the man. “I’m sorry, I don’t really know much Korean.”
“Good thing I speak English then,” I said, nonchalantly in my best English-speaking voice. “It’s nice to meet you both; I’m Jamie,” I said back, realizing early on that Sahim has no idea who I am if he’s introducing Grace to me. Sahim took a deep breath of relief before he said anything further.
“Take a seat, man,” Sahim said invitingly. My eyes went straight to Grace, who quickly got up from her seat and faced Sahim.
“I should go and see what’s holding up Skylar and Shawn,” Grace said to Sahim. She walked into the kitchen area, never looking back toward my direction. I slowly walked into the living room area and sat in the seat across from Sahim. It seems like the three of them were in the middle of a game night.
“So do you also live in the U.S.?” Sahim asked.
“No,” I simply answered. “I live in Korea.”
“Oh,” Sahim reacted, still looking a little nervous. “I thought because since you know Shawn and Skylar, and they live in the U.S.” Is that his logic for asking me if I live in America? “You also speak English pretty well.”
“Thank you,” I politely said, not trying to be too hard on a man that has no idea who I was. It says more about Grace than it does about him. “Are you in Korea on vacation or something?”
“Nah; for work,” Sahim answered. I cocked an eyebrow up. Work? “I’m working on a production here; Grace, Skylar’s cousin, is also here for work as part of the production.”
“Oh, are you a dan– uhm, an actor?” I asked, trying to not give anything away. I’m not supposed to know Grace; remember that, Jamie.
“No, no,” Sahim laughed as he answered. “I work in the tech crew of a dance production. Grace is actually one of the dancers in it.” I couldn’t help but fixate on every time he mentioned her name and the way he would say it like they’d known each other for years or something. He said her name like a teenage boy whipped over his first love. I only know that because, well, I feel like I spoke about Grace in the same cadence as he does.
“Are you enjoying Korea so far?” I asked, trying to get off the topic of Grace.
“It’s a beautiful place,” Sahim answered. “We’re here for the next year, so I’m trying to learn more about the culture. Oh, and the language; I’m definitely looking forward to learning more of the language to communicate better.”
“Yeah,” I simply said just to fill the empty space in the room. “Korea is mainly a Korean-speaking country as a whole. Seoul is the city where you’ll find the most English-speaking people; Ulsan not so much.”
“I’ve definitely learned that the hard way,” Sahim mentioned before awkwardly laughing. “Thankfully, Grace is pretty fluent in Korean. She’s usually our translator whenever we all go out after work.” I nodded my head, needing to get out of this conversation before I made it obvious that I already had opinions about this man. It wasn’t fair to him, though; he is just another man tanged in the web that is Grace Ashmore. So why am I so bothered by the way he speaks about her so… freely?
“Excuse me, Sahim,” I said as I began to get up from my seat. “I’m going to go check on Shawn and Skylar and see if everything is alright.” Sahim nodded his head as I quickly turned around to walk toward the kitchen.
I walked into the kitchen in the middle of the conversation between Shawn, Skylar, and Grace. They all looked at me as I entered and quickly got quiet. Skylar is the first one to change her expression on her face. She tries to smile, and I respect her for trying to at least be cordial, but I know that Shawn is going to be in big trouble once they are left alone tonight.
“Jamie,” Skylar began to say. “I’m so sorry for the confusion about the night. Shawn and I should’ve communicated our plans better.” She looked at Shawn, who nervously grabbed the back of his neck.
“No, no; it’s really my fault,” I said to Skylar. I tried so hard to not look at Grace standing next to her cousin near the counter. My eyes couldn’t help but glance over at Grace. Surprisingly, her eyes were already on me when I looked at her. She starts to walk away from the three of us in the kitchen, not saying a word. “I should’ve assumed that you wanted to spend time with your family before you and Shawn left for Seoul.”
“Yeah, I did,” Skylar pointed out. “Not to be rude, but when I realized our time here was being cut short, I wasn’t thinking about being cordial with you. My cousin means more to me.”
“That’s completely understandable,” I stated. “I just wanted to be cordial for the sake of Shawn, who is more of a brother than a friend to me.” I looked over at Shawn, who still looked pale in the face. “I know how much this meant to him, and how much you mean to him.” Skylar’s face softened after my response. She said nothing else; it was Shawn who broke the silence in the kitchen.
“Jamie and I will go out for food and drinks,” Shawn compromised. “You should spend time with your cousin before we leave for Seoul.”
“I’m okay with that,” I said back, looking at Skylar. “I hope that we can have a proper sit down one of these days; possibly on a day that my girlfriend is not working.” What was I gaining by mentioning Haram to my ex-girlfriend’s cousin? Was I trying to prove to her that this little mishap wasn’t affecting me? Doesn’t it make it obvious that it is if I’m mentioning my girlfriend in this situation? Shawn quickly walked over to Skylar and kissed her on the cheek.
“I’ll be back by midnight, babe,” Shawn said to Skylar.
“Be safe,” Skylar said to Shawn, not looking at me. She walks out of the kitchen, leaving Shawn and I there. We both walk out of the kitchen and back to the living room so that we are able to leave the apartment.
By the time we got into the living room, Skylar was sitting down at the table with Sahim and Grace, shuffling cards. I looked at Shawn, who tries to find the words to say without adrupting leaving the apartment.
“We hope you guys have a good game night,” Shawn finally said, walking toward the front door. “Jamie and I are going to go out.”
“You’re not staying?” Sahim asked, looking at Shawn and me Shawn nervously smiled and laughed, not really knowing how to respond.
“We’re meeting up with a couple of our childhood friends,” I said, lying through my teeth to save Shawn.
“Yeah, something like that,” Shawn added. I couldn’t help but roll my eyes at him. “It was nice seeing you guys; have a fun night!” Shawn opened the front door and walked out. I politely smiled. “It was good seeing you, Skylar.” I looked over at Sahim first. “It was nice meeting you, Sahim.” I looked at Grace; she hadn’t turned around since starting the card game. “You too, Grace.” She quickly turned around and nodded her head, following with a fake smile on her face. If this is what you want, then sure. I walked out of the apartment, closing the door behind me.
Letters From Liz. 