The curtain finally covers the front of the stage. Our first show of the production has officially concluded. I could only hear a consistent ringing in my ears; it was like my body was not registering what was going on around me. I couldn’t have seen him. That wasn’t Jamie. How would he even know I was here? Maybe he didn’t.
Once the curtain completely closes, the rest of the dancers begin to celebrate finishing the first show of many more to come this year. I tried to cover up all of the thoughts roaming in my head when I saw Maurice and Aimee running toward me. I didn’t want to think about this any longer.
“Girl, we did it!” Aimee said excitedly, giving me a huge hug. In true Maurice fashion, his way of celebrating is staying in place, twerking any ass he may have. Aimee pulled out from the hug and took a good look at me. “You were so fucking amazing for your solo! Like holy shit! Like the way you did this,” Aimme said as she demonstrated a part of the choreography. I couldn’t help but laugh and be grateful for the support.
“Girl,” I said back to Aimee. “Don’t act like you didn’t own the ‘Detail’ number! You were angelic.” I look at Maurice, who joins in on our conversation. “Maurice, I couldn’t look at anyone else during the ‘Endless Time’ piece. You were fierce as fuck!”
“Fierce runs through these veins, sweetie,” Maurice said as he pretends to flip his hair. “I can’t believe the first show is already over though! I feel like we’ve been working for this for years now.”
“And watch the other shows just fly by,” I added to the conversation. Some of the other dancers come to us, which then Aimee and Maurice walks off with them to celebrate. It wasn’t long after that I felt someone touch my shoulders. Jamie?
I jumped before turning around to see who it was. Sahim.
“Congratulations on completing the first show, tiny dancer,” Sahim greeted me; his smile wide across his face as he grabs me for a hug. “You looked so beautiful on stage. Seriously, you were breathtaking.”
“Thanks, Sahim,” I said, smiling as I looked at him. “I didn’t know if you were going to be able to see it or not.”
“Of course I would’ve,” Sahim reassured. “Your solo is the best part of the production.” I feel my face get hot and red with his words. Sahim pulls me closer and looks at me and smiles. I look at him, feeling warm and comfortable after my head being all over the place this past hour. I appreciate Sahim being here, supporting me and for encouraging me every step of this process, but that quickly fades when I take a good look at him. This man is perfect, so why do I feel so sad?
“Dancers!” The director’s assistant called out to get our attention. “It’s time for curtain call!” The dancers begin to get into place on stage. Sahim lets go of my arm and walks away from the area, allowing me to line up for the curtain call. I
take a deep breath and smile as the curtain opens and reveals the audience. Row by row, the dancers bow as the audience cheers, and it was soon about to be my turn. I hold hands with the other dancers in my line and walk up towards the front of the stage. I immediately hear Skylar yell out my name from the audience, which makes me laugh as I bow. Coming up from the bow I opened my eyes to see tonight’s audience one last time. I see Sahim at the corner of the stage, clapping and cheering as I’m on the stage. Then, my eyes immediately met with Jamie’s, who simply claps his hands along with the audience.
I feel my heart stop for the slightest moment. Thank god the curtain closed right after. Closed, as in never going to have to see him again.
…
I walked out the side door of the dressing room to see Skylar standing there with a bouquet of flowers. She’s with Summer and Ethan, her boyfriend. Both women smile at me once they see me coming towards them.
“Congrats, Grace!” Skylar said out loud before looking over at Summer. “You didn’t tell me you had family here in Korea!”
“I see you two have met,” I said as I looked at Summer, nodding quickly. “Summer’s my mom’s niece; Skylar’s my cousin from my dad’s side.”
“It was nice to meet you Skylar,” Summer said.
“Girl, call me Sky! We’re family,” Skylar politely suggested. It makes Summer laugh. It was nice to see both sides of my family come together to support me in this big milestone in my life. I hope I’m able to do the same for when Willow gets older. I look around to see if Shawn was with Jamie or if I needed to run before he did. I looked at Skylar before asking; she didn’t look like she was hiding any big secrets. Did she know Jamie was here?
“Where’s Shawn?” I asked Skylar, kind of nervous to hear what she has to say.
“He said he had to run to the bathroom,” Skylar answered. Right. The bathroom.
I simply nodded my head, not trying to make it obvious that I knew more than I was leading on. Why am I letting something like this bother me so much?
He was just another person here at a show in his native country; who cares? I’ve lived my life this long not having to think about or feel anything for Jamie for the last 6 months of my life, and it honestly felt great to not sit around and wait to feel special or validated by the person that claims they love you. I look over at Sahim talking to the other techs in his area, smiling. Happy. Probably feeling great about the outcome of the first show. He has been by my side through this entire journey of preparing for this show. His presence has never made me question whether or not he wanted to be with me. Tonight, I should’ve been celebrating with Sahim and my family, and instead I’m letting someone else influence my emotions.
“Grace,” I hear Sahim call out my name. I look at him, who then smiles and waves his hand towards his direction. I smile back and walk towards Sahim. This isn’t something worth stressing about, Grace.
This isn’t something you need to be stressing about.
Letters From Liz. 