Salim and I get off of the elevator on my floor; he’s laughing at some lame joke I made on our way up here, but anything that makes his smile come out I will do.
We finally stopped in front of my hotel room; I turned around and faced Sahim to look at him. He smiles down at me and I can’t help but smile back. This man’s smile is contagious, and I definitely got whatever it is.
“Thank you for taking me out tonight,” I began to say. “I didn’t realize just how much it was needed after that intense rehearsal.”
“It’s always good to decompress after a long day of work,” Sahim responded. “Unfortunately, these rehearsals are going to just become more intense as the show gets closer.” I sighed, knowing that Sahim was right. “Remember the last rehearsals we had in New York?”
“Please,” I began to answer. “I still have nightmares about how hard that shit was.” Sahim laughs, and I can’t help but laugh along with him. Sahim, of all people, understands just how demanding and draining this production is. Sahim always says I have it worse since I’m dancing for almost 8 hours a day, but I can only imagine his job is just as exhausting considering he works closely with the director more than the dancers. Still, it was nice to talk to someone that understood the hardships of this job. I was appreciative to have someone like Sahim along this crazy and new journey of mine as a dancer.
“So, I’ll see you for rehearsal tomorrow?” Sahim asked. I nodded, a little sad that our night was coming to an end, but it had to end; he and I were both exhausted at this point. Sahim smiled and nodded. He turns away and walks down the hall toward the elevators. I pretend to walk into my room just so he doesn’t know I was watching him leave my floor. Once he stepped into the elevator, I closed my front door and let out the breath I was holding in for most of the night. I threw my purse on the counter before taking off my shoes at the door. I took a bottle of water out of the fridge and walked toward the window in the room. The city lights in Korea reminded me a lot of New York City. I can’t help but feel homesick already. It was like the high of tonight wore off and reality was setting in.
I’m quite used to nights like this; the type where I’m unable to distract myself with the activities do during the day and am alone with nothing but my thoughts. I think a lot about my life and how much different it has become within the last couple of years. I think about Willow and wonder if she will ever forgive me for not being as present as a mother should when she gets older. I think about my dad, who I still feel like I disappointed when I left the law firm a couple of years ago. I think about my mom and wonder if she worries about me being a part of this production knowing what she knows about it when she was my age. I think about—
My phone rings on top of the counter. I turn around and look at it when it does. I walk over to it, wondering who could be possibly calling me at 11pm at night. I look down at it and smile; it’s Skylar.
“Hey, Sky,” I answered the phone as I walked back toward the window.
“I’m shocked I even got you,” Sky responded. “Isn’t it like 2am here?”
“It’s 11,” I began to correct her. “And I just got back from dinner not too long ago.”
“Oh, was it like a production dinner thing?” She asked. I hesitated for a moment, not really wanting to open this can of worms. If I know anything about Skylar, it’s that she knows when I don’t want to talk about something… she just keeps pushing for answers.
“No, it was with a crew member,” I casually answered, hoping that was enough for Skylar. Again, if I know anything about Skylar, it’s that she wants to know everything, so she keeps pushing for answers.
“A crew member?” Skylar asked, clearly hitting an octave above her normal speaking voice. “Like a date?”
“No,” I quickly answered, trying not to smile as I did. “It was just dinner after a rehearsal, nothing more than that—”
“Oh, so there was other people from your rehearsal there?” Skylar interrupted to ask. I shut my eyes closed, knowing there was no escaping this.
“You have to promise that you won’t go running to tell Shawn,” I started to confess. “The last thing I need is for him to know that—”
“I knew it was a date!” Skylar shouted out. “Oh my God, you gotta give me the details.” I couldn’t help but smile at Skylar’s reaction; she makes me feel like a smitten teenager again with a crush.
“His name is Sahim,” I began to explain. “He’s a part of the technical crew for the production.” I was nervous continuing. “This was our first time going out, like, outside from the rehearsal space.”
“Is my uptight cousin gushing over a man?” Skylar teased. I rolled my eyes and laughed.
“We had a really good time tonight,” I continued to say. “So, that’s what I did.”
“Is he still with you?” she curiously asked.
“No, he went back to his room,” I answered. I can practically hear Skylar flip something over the phone.
“You didn’t invite him over after dinner?!” Skylar asked, very annoyed.
“Sky, I barely know the guy,” I started to explain. “I’m not trying to go from 1 to 90 in one night.”
“Shawn and I did that,” Skylar pointed out. “That and so much more.” I felt tonight’s dinner begin to come up.
“I’m not you,” I mentioned. “Just because something works for you doesn’t mean it works for everyone else.”
“Well, whatever you’re trying to do, I know you wish you were spending more time with him right now since you claim to have had such a good night tonight.” I sometimes hate when Skylar actually makes sense.
“We have rehearsal tomorrow, so it’s best if we just ended the night when it did,” I said as I walked away from the window and back toward the counter. The time on the stove reads 11:25. Skylar doesn’t respond to me, which makes me nervous. “Promise you won’t bring this up to Shawn?”
“Why are you so concerned about me telling my boyfriend that you’re crushing over a guy and that you are finally over a man that you haven’t seen or spoken to in months?” Skylar sarcastically asked. Once again, I hate when Skylar actually makes sense. “Grace, I love you, but I think we all get the picture that what was once was and now it’s in the past. You deserve someone that makes you feel happy, and this Sahim guy sounds like he’s doing it well.”
I didn’t say anything back, and I think Skylar got the hint after awhile. All she did was sigh before she said anything else.
“I won’t tell Shawn,” Skylar said.
“Thanks Sky,” I said before taking a deep breath and releasing it. “I should get going though; we do have an early rehearsal tomorrow and I’m exhausted.” I said my goodbyes and hung up the phone.
I walked toward the window in the room once again to see the city once more before closing the blinds. I walked into my room and closed the door behind me.
Letters From Liz. 