Last month, I went to my consultation appointment and got introduced to the program and how everything is going to go for the next couple of months while being under this program. Like I mentioned in a post a couple of months ago, I am taking the bariatrics route of weight-loss. I’ve decided to make a huge lifestyle change this new year, and while I have the opportunity and chance to do this, I’m going to do it for my health; present and future. So, this month was my official first month of the program.– February 2020 Highlights & Favorites!
Maybe it’s the fact that it’s becoming more real as the days pass. I will be saying goodbye to this body in a couple of months, watching her change and look different than it ever has before. I mean, it’s technically still my body. It’s still my skin. Are we really saying goodbye to my body? Maybe just the way it is in its current state, but it’s still me. I still come with the way I am and the things that I like and don’t like and at the end of the day, nothing is changing besides the way my body is built. But still, it feels like I am saying goodbye to the Liz in the photos that are on my social media platforms, my Polaroid pictures, and the pictures that live inside my camera roll on my phone.– Overexposed: Saying Goodbye to this Body.
Have you ever been depressed or sad because of you reflecting back on the time spent and the people who were once around during that time and now being in this moment about to close that chapter of your life?
Hi, my name is Liz, and I have surgery in 24 hours.
I’m nervous; no doubt about that. I know it’s normal to be nervous, but is it normal to have this wave of depression because, well, this chapter of your life is about to end?
I started this process in January 2020. I was 4 months into working at the bookstore, I had just turned 26, and I wasn’t even a kpop collector yet! I was still very much in this process of discovering myself and finding my identity outside of the relationship I had previously for most of my young adulthood. The people who’ve been here since the beginning; my coworkers, my friends in the community, other friends who I was once closed to are not all here with me to see me write this entry and finally say that I’m getting my surgery. It’s a weird feeling to say the least.
A part of me is mourning this life I had leading up to this point.
I guess I’m sad because it’s masked in nerves and anxiety that is normal, but I think it’s more than just that. It’s the fact that life has changed so much these last couple of months; I decided to let some of my past go and work things out with my ex in order to have a healthy friendship moving forward, many of my coworkers that I had left the job, I’m in the process of possibly transitioning to a new job, I don’t have a best friend anymore, and well, of course this surgery.
It’s just a lot to process in this short time.
Nevertheless, I am looking forward to the surgery. I’m so ready to feel good and to be able to do all the things that I’ve wanted to do but couldn’t because of my weight. I’ve been taking care of my mental health for the past 3 years and have made progress into that. It was about time I made some progress for my physical health and this was the best (and last) route to do that.
So here I am, nervous as hell, hungry as hell but also just… trying to make this day as smooth as possible. I know this transition is going to be a hard one, and I hope that I’m able to recover quickly and get my life back on track quickly, but nevertheless it’s happening and, well, it’s here.