Dear, guys – welcome back to Letters From Liz!
Although here in NYC, we don’t get Fall-like weather until when the Fall actually arrives in late September, socially and professionally, our summer will be officially over in a week. Isn’t that crazy? Although this summer was a hot one, it feels like it just came and went, and now most of us are all getting ready to get back to school, back to early mornings with our jobs (if they weren’t so intense during the summer), and it’s just now time to say goodbye to those careless-free summer days and nights.
Boy, am I happy for summer to go.
This summer, compared to the previous ones I’ve had, wasn’t as bad! I was able to not become so depressed like I usually do during the summer season, and overall it was a productive one… which is odd because summertime is usually reserved for relaxation and vacations.
I was particularly “in grind mode” this summer and taking the opportunity to get some professional and personal work done during these slow months. For most of the summer, you were able to find me reading a lot of writing studies/rhetoric stuff for my ongoing project with my co-writer, Ro. In the times I wasn’t reading on my own, I spent some of my hot mornings/afternoons in a coffee shop in Park Slope with Ro, catching up on life and getting to know each other better now that I’m not her student and she’s not my professor anymore. She is definitely a friend of mine, and I’m absolutely grateful to have her in my life. Keeping me busy with readings not only has kept my mind from becoming mush after graduating a year ago, but it also allows me to stay focus on something rather than having my mind gravitate towards negative thoughts.
Despite that professional project, I’ve also had some callbacks for some interviews during the summer! I am beyond grateful that there are actual employers that found my resume interesting enough for a callback, and I’m grateful I landed one of these jobs in time for the new season! I’ve been learning a lot about myself through the job interview process, which is also very helpful in my self-discovering journey as a 25-year-old woman. It allows me to see myself through different lenses; the lenses that truly is me behind all the mental health issues and such, and sometimes – it’s great to see yourself more than just your issues. It’s hard for me not to see myself as just an anxious mess half of the time.
Mainly, I’ve just been trying to keep myself sane through these months of feeling like I’m trapped inside my house because the heat and I are a very bad mix. Cue me getting sick.
The Blogust Series has kept my mind and I focused, and I sometimes believe that I’m just meant to do work all the time because it’s the only time when I’m not reminded that I have negative thoughts constantly on my mind, telling me I’m a failure that does nothing but makes mistakes and bad decisions. Throughout the month of August, I had to be very honest with myself and ask myself some serious questions because things were just getting bad again, and I’m grateful that I can confine in my therapist to help me through these funks and episodes that are just so hard to go through at times. Sometimes, it’s minor and they go away once I refocus my energy on something more important. Other times, it consumes me whole and it’s hard to get out of it, no matter how hard I try.
So, while this year’s recap is a lot more positive and optimistic than last year’s recap, I am reminded that every year I am growing. I am reminded that I will always learn from hardships I have, I will always try to be a better person than I was before, and that I am always working towards the bigger picture, which is finding my place in this scary world. Don’t get me wrong, I wish I didn’t have to sweat my ass off for 3 months straight while doing so, but even with getting past the hot weather I feel like I am progressing. I’m not perfect, I’m trying to tell myself I’m not perfect, but I will always be the best version of myself.
So, goodbye Summer 2019. Thanks for keeping me productive and optimistic for my future. Fall 2019, treat me good, babe.