Voiceless Rant: The Series

A Voiceless Rant: February 2018 Edition.

Hey, guys – welcome back to TNTH!

I feel like it’s been forever and a day since I got the chance to write and post another one of these for this series, but finally we are at this month’s installment of:

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February is a weird month for me. February is the month where my family and I experienced a lot of loss in the month the last couple of years. Two years ago, my childhood pet passed away and a year ago we lost my uncle unexpectedly. I’ve accepted my dog’s death because he was 15 years old and slowly becoming ill, but the way that my uncle left us has really put a scar on me, even after a year passing by.

Also, today marks a year since the last time I physically saw my uncle, at his funeral.

Before his passing, he was temporarily living with my family and me and when he unexpectedly died from a heart attack at 54, it was hard not having him around the house. His authentic Puerto-Rican personality, his cologne smelling up the entire house before he went out for the night, and his crazy stories he would come home and tell my parents are truly missed. It’s those little things I wish I cherished when he was still around.

So, this month’s rant is all around the little things in life, and why they matter the most.

I tend to forget about the little things, and I fall victim to the infamous saying: “you don’t know what you got until it’s gone.” It’s not that I’m ungrateful, it’s mainly the fact that we live in a world where we constantly have to be moving forward in order to make it somewhere in life, and as a 24-year-old woman trying to prove to herself and to the world that she could make it with solely passion, I tend to become absent-minded and very distracted. I tend to be oblivious to half of the things around me, and people tend to get frustrated when I don’t catch on quickly.

As I get older and those around me get older as well, I realize that I am fearing death more than I usually do. Is that a weird thing to admit? I mean, I’m afraid that there’s going to be a time in my life where I potentially go through something and a family member of mine isn’t around because of old age. That frightens the crap outta me. Technically, that’s what happened with my uncle. He constantly told me how he was proud of me being the first Baez in the family to graduate college and attend grad school, and that I was going places in the future. Whenever I do think about it, it saddens me knowing that he’s physically not here to see me graduate in a couple of months after physically seeing me come home late nights from class all exhausted and drained.

I’m a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. I believe that because my tendency to not appreciate the little things in life, I lose more and more I don’t do so. I feel like it’s some of punishment life gives me; that one time a loved one annoy me for eating their food one way could easily become the thing I wished I heard every single day at the dinner table. I’m not saying that you have to appreciate the things that simply annoy you or the things that are toxic for your well being, but the things that make a person unique will always reign as a “little thing” about them. You might remember a person for their life journey and accomplishments, but the things that we seem to remember the most are the tiny details about a person. Something that made them, them.

This doesn’t apply to only people who’ve passed on. This goes by saying that I believe we should appreciate the little things when people are alive and present. I know there are a lot of things about my family and my partner that I tend to overlook because it’s second nature to them.

It’s second nature that my mother plays her Amazon Kindle games at every given chance she has during the day.

It’s second nature for my sister to have our cat sleeping on top of her every time she lays down.

It’s second mature for my father to play the same seven salsa songs on the speakers every Thursday and/or Sunday night.

It’s second nature for my friend Tori to text me “BITCH” and instantly knowing she has some major gossip to talk about even if she’s in a completely different state.

It’s second nature for my partner to call me at 10 o’clock in the morning while he gets ready for work and it’s also second nature for him to play his favorite song that changes every 3-4 months on the radio and blast it while dancing his heart out and it’s also second nature for my partner to do the little personal things that only he and I know about.

It’s all these little things that the people around me do that could easily go underappreciated, and if you are any of these above people reading this post: please know that I notice the little things about you. I appreciate these unique quirks and habits that you may not even know you’re showcasing to the world, and if I don’t voice these little things out enough, just know that these are some of just the endless little things I notice, especially towards the man I’m in love with.

The little things in life are what makes a person unique and special. The little things about my uncle are what people remember the most about him and what they miss the most about him. Not his mistakes. Not where he was in life. The little things that made him, him. I just hope that the little things about me, whether I know what they are or not, are some of the things people I love appreciate about me the most.

While I’m here, and when I’m gone.

-Liz. (:

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