Category: The Teenage Monologues: Season 3

I didn’t sleep well last night. I was too anxious about the day that was to come because today was the first rehearsal since our last show with Aaron’s band. I’ve avoided Aaron this entire time, telling him I needed some time and space to think; thankfully he was understanding enough to give that to me.

The door to the rehearsal room opened, and I wasn’t surprised that Aaron was the first one to arrive. He stopped for a moment when he noticed me.

“Mols,” Aaron said as he put his stuff down. “You’re super early today.”

“My dance class was cancelled, so I was able to get here earlier,” I said, fidgeting with my hands nervously.

“How’s that going?” Aaron asked as he began to set up the space for practice. “I know you were practicing for your big solo for your recital.” I looked at Aaron, shocked that he remembered that.

“It’s going,” I said, getting up from my seat to help set up. “This weekend I have to go costume shopping with my sister, which is in my opinion the most fun part about the process.”

“Not even doing the dance is the fun part?” Aaron slightly teased, looking at me as he spoke. I looked up to him and saw a slight smile appear on his face.

“Performing is the product, not the process,” I corrected him. “I very much enjoy the rehearsals leading up to the performance.”

“How about band practice?” he asked. “Do you enjoy practicing with us still?” I looked at Aaron, knowing that this was his way of talking about difficult situations. I sighed, trying to gather my thoughts before I answered him.

“I love rehearsing with you guys,” I started to answer. “What I don’t love is feeling like I’m some sort of guest in your band. I don’t like the fact that I’m easily replaceable if we break up.”

“There’s no reason for you to think that way though–“

“How can I not when your ex used to be in the same position I’m in?” I interrupted, pointing out the obvious. “Did Rina think that she was eventually going to have to make solo music after being booted from the band?”

“First of all, Rina wasn’t booted from the band,” Aaron corrected, scrunching his eyebrows. “She left the band on her own after we broke up. I wasn’t gonna kick her out just because we weren’t dating anymore because she was literally a part of the band.”

“So you guys created this band together? This band was just, like, your baby?!” I started to question irrationally.

“What?” Aaron sked, seeming confused. I rolled my eyes, feeling frustrated now.

“Why did you tell me I was the first person to be your lead singer?” I asked, feeling defeated now. “Why would you lie about something like that if it wasn’t a big deal?”

“I didn’t want your sister to think that I just scouted you in my band because we’re dating. She wasn’t gonna understand since she seemed to already have a strong opinion on me.” He looked at me seeming uncomfortable. “I didn’t know your sister was Milo’s mom.”

“She’s not,” I corrected him quickly. “She married his dad.” Aaron nods his head, taking in the information. “You still could’ve told me the truth.”

“I know,” Aaron sighed as he said. “I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you, and I swear it was not because your place in this band doesn’t matter. You matter.” He placed his hands on my shoulders, pulling me into a hug. He pulled me away to look at me once more.

“Do you love your band more than me?” I asked, instantly regretting the words coming out. Aaron scrunched his eyebrows together, removing his hands from my shoulders. He was clearly upset that I asked this to him.

“Why would you even say something like that?” He asked. “My god, Mollie; what the hell has gotten into you?” His reaction made me feel defensive.

“You didn’t answer the question,” I noted, crossing my arms along my chest.

“Because it’s a stupid question,” Aaron argued. “Why would you think that I love my band more than my own girlfriend—”

“Because we are just alike, Aaron,” I interrupted. “You value your craft and put it above everything else in your world, just like me. You shut everything out when your craft is your top priority. You will do whatever it takes to perfect your craft, because no matter how good you truly are at it, you never think you’re good enough, or big enough to achieve your dreams.” I looked at Aaron as I spoke, seeing his face soften the longer I spoke. He knew what I was saying was true. He knew that we worked so well because we are on the same side of the coin. He sighed before he said anything else. I was terrified to hear his answer.

“I love you, Mols,” Aaron simply said as he looked at me. “I… can’t put it in words how much I do. It’s a feeling I haven’t ever experienced before. And for once, I can balance my life out.”

“Balance your life?” I questioned, not understanding what he meant.

“I can do what I love and be with the person I love at the same time,” he answered as he smiled. “It’s like I can see my entire future in one picture, and I’m so happy that you’re a part of the band, because I know that together we can do far.” I looked Aaron, feeling the butterflies in my stomach.

To an extent, I could understand where Aaron was coming from. Being with him felt so completely different than every other person I knew in my life. The world looked more colorful, more innocent, and more hopeful whenever I was with Aaron. I could imagine what the next four years of my life would be like when I was him. It was exciting to think about; all of the shows we’d perform together at, the gigs and the exposure and the memories that we’ll make as we get older. It was exciting to think about going to the school dances with him, being his date for prom, and holding hands as we walk in our caps and gowns. It was exciting to think where we will go during the most important tine of our lives.

Is this… love?

I tippy toed and kissed Aaron, eager to feel his touch. I looked at him, smiling as he looked down at me. If this is love, I don’t want to ever feel anything else in my life.

“I love you too, Aaron, I simply said.

As the weather started to get warmer, Sophie and I spent a lot of our time hanging out after school. We always met up at the pizza shop and sat at our usual table closest to the window. I slid down one side of the booth while Sophie sat across from me, smiling as she usually does whenever we hung out.

“I am starving,” Sophie said, looking at the paper menu. “I had to miss lunch today because the strings had a special rehearsal for the showcase.”

“Oh,” I said, shocked. “Are you guys also performing for the dual major showcase?”

“Well,” Sophie began to say, sighing before she continued. “We’re opening for the showcase, so I’m literally running on an empty stomach.”

“You know I could’ve came and snuck you something to eat,” I suggested. Sophie laughed as she shook her head.

“I don’t think Mr. Harrison would’ve liked if I was just snacking on a bag of chips during rehearsal,” she replied. “How would I even eat them while holding a violin to my chin?”

“Easy! You just put the bag of chips in between the strings and move you head so that the chips fall directly in your mouth,” I teased, which made Sophie laugh even louder.

“Don’t reveal your invention out loud like that,” Sophie playfully said. “That’s a million dollar idea.” I smiled at Sophie as she laughed and looked up to the waiter that walked to our table. We had our usual after-school order: two cans of soda and two slices of plain cheese pizza. After handing off the menus to the waiter, Sophie looked directly at me. “How have you’ve been making out with your piece?” I let out a sigh, not wanting to get into it.

“Is it bad to say I haven’t really thought about what I’m doing yet?” I asked. Sophie’s eyes widened in shock; she just answered my question without really answering it.

“The showcase is in two weeks,” Sophie mentioned. “You don’ have much time to put something together.”

“I know,” I said, feeling a bit annoyed with this conversation. “I had a plan already for this showcase earlier in the year, but then Mollie and I stopped being friends and now I’m back to square one.”

“What were you originally planning to do?” Sophie asked.

“Not many people know this about Mollie, but she’s also a dancer. I wanted to play and sing a piece for the showcase as she danced to it.” I explained. Sophie nodded her head, listening to what I was saying. “She was so excited to be a part of a dual major event, and now she’s probably going to be there performing with Aaron Serrano.”

“Yeah,” Sophie said, seeming uncomfortable in her seat. “I’m sorry that your plans fell through.” I looked at Sophie and smiled. Sophie had a way to always make shitty situations seem less shitty. I know talking about Mollie was always a weird experience for her, especially with the history I have with Mollie. Sophie smiled back at me as a mutual understanding of reassurance.

“How about you help me?” I suggested. Sophie quickly shook her head, seeming anxious at the thought.

“I couldn’t,” Sophie answered quickly. “You deserve someone that isn’t a part of the ensemble that is opening the showcase itself because no one asked us to be apart of their project.” I scrunched my eyebrows, annoyed at the way Sophie saw herself and the strings section. I know most of the school saw the strings section in that way, but it bothered me that since Waverly saw them as the weakest area in the band program, she saw herself as being weak in her craft. Sophie smiled at me as she reached her hand out for mine. “It’s okay though. Thank you for asking me.” I looked at Sophie and didn’t say anything else, mainly because the waiter came out with our slices and drinks, and soon the silence of us eating would fill in the void.

…

“Mr. Harrison,” I ran into the band class before our class started. I looked in the classroom to find Sophie already there, taking her violin out of her case. Perfect.

“Milo,” Mr. Harrison said as he stopped what he was doing. “Is there something I can help you with?” I looked at Sophie as she looked at me. I smiled and turned my head back to Mr. Harrison.

“I wanted to ask if there was any chance I can have he strings section assist me in my dual major project,” I asked, turning my head toward Sophie. “Sophie said the strings section are opening for the showcase, right?”

“Milo,” Sophie said, jolting up from her seat and walked toward me.

“They are,” Mr. Harrison confirmed, looking at Sophie as she approached us.

“Considering that they are only opening the showcase and not actively assisting a dual major student, I would like for the strings to assist me.”

“Mr. Harrison,” Sophie interrupted me, trying to get our teacher’s attention. “The showcase is literally in two weeks, and I don’t think we are capable of learning a new piece and perfect it for the showcase within the short timespan–“

“Nonsense,” I said and looked at Sophie. “In my honest opinion, the strings are the only section in the ensemble that is capable of putting this production together. They are driven, quick learners, and it’s only right that all areas in Waverly have a chance to showcase their talent in an event like the dual major showcase.” Mr. Harrison looks as if he’s considering the possibility. I looked over at Sophie as she darted her eyes at me.

The doors of the band room swing open, and I couldn’t help but laugh at Sophie’s utter panic.

“Are you out of your mind, Milo?!” She shouted at me. I turned around to face her, not being able to hide my smile. “You think this is a joke or something?”

“Absolutely not,” I said as I shook my head. “I meant every word I said to Mr. Harrison.”

“Why would you put us through this situation? Why would you think that we would even want to do this dumb dual major showcase in such little time–” Before Sophie can spiral further, I grabbed onto her shoulders to calm her down.

“Scout, breathe,” I said as I looked at her. She immediately shrugged my hands off of her.

“No, Milo,” she spat back. “You’re about to showcase to the entire school just how weak the stings section are–“

“Stop,” I sternly said, interrupting Sophie as she spoke. “I’m sick and tired of you putting yourself down constantly when it comes to the strings section. Like, do you do it because you honestly believe you’re not good, or are you just asking for sympathy praise?”

“Sympathy praise?” Sophie repeated, getting louder. “How dare you assume that I would simply trash my own section for someone to tell me otherwise!”

“Then why don’t you take pride in your section?” I began to ask. “Why do you walk around these halls with your head down, allowing everyone’s opinion influence your mindset? You act like you aren’t deserving of your place and spot in Waverly when you got it the same way everyone else–including me– got in.” Sophie looked worried; I didn’t mean for her mood to change so drastically like this, but I knew exactly what I wanted to do for the dual major showcase with the strings section; with Sophie. It was going to be epic, and I needed Sophie to trust me.

“You can’t speak for me,” Sophie said in a defeated way. “You’re seen as one of the most talented people at Waverly because of your dual major status; there’s a whole showcase to celebrate those in it. I got into this school into the section of band that doesn’t have that accolade, therefore already making me a part of the weak link group in the school.”

“But you’re not a weak link, Scout.” I looked at Sophie, trying to make her understand where I’m coming from. I took her hand and placed it into mine, reassuring her I was telling her the truth. Sophie is talented, and she deserves some recognition for being as talented as she is. “Because you’re smart, driven, passionate, and super fucking talented. If I didn’t think you could do this, I wouldn’t have had this sick idea for the project to include you and the string section.” Sophie looked down, still shaking her head feeling defeated. I lifted her head up with my other hand, looking her dead in the eyes.

“Milo,” Sophie began to say.

“What are you afraid of?” I leaned in to ask her. Sophie gave me this looks that seemed like she was pondering more than the situation at hand. A part of me was asking why was she so afraid of doing this showcase with me. The other half was asking what are we so afraid of making whatever we had official. I gently kissed her on the lips; she surprisingly kissed me back. Before that day in the rehearsal room at my house, we barely even thought about kissing each other so freely like this; now, we seem to can’t keep our lips away from each other for too long.

The kiss ended, and Sophie opened her yes to look up at me again. I smiled at her; her skin was flushed, but glowing. She was so fucking beautiful to look at.

“Do you trust me?” I softly asked her. She nodded her head before she was able to verbally answer me.

“I trust you,” she answered back.

“Alright class,” Mr. Kamalani clapped his hands together and stepped in front of the class. “NYSSMA is coming up, and we have to choose a song of our choice to perform in addition to the pieces we are currently learning.” I flipped through my binder with my sheet music, sighing looking at the level 6 difficulty of one of the songs we’re learning. Mr. Kamalani broke the ice pretty early on when he said that level 6 was the highest level of difficulty for NYSSMA.

I quickly looked to my left and saw Aaron reviewing his music. Things have been weird between Aaron and I since the night of our performance. We performed our set as planned, and I made it seem like I was unbothered seeing his ex out in the crowd. It wasn’t until I got home and sat in my room, crying my eyes out and overthinking everything. What was it about her that made Aaron like her? Is she prettier than me? More talented than me? More inclined to Aaron’s interests? I tossed around for what felt like hours, and only slept for what felt like literal minutes before I had to get up for school the following day. I’ve tried keeping my time with Aaron short every time we met up. It was hard getting the impression that he only cared about his band out of my mind, and that I was only collateral damage.

I looked to my right and saw Milo barely paying attention to Mr. Kamalani. It pissed me off at times; Milo got the privilege to be in two majors at Waverly, and he barely cares about vocal. He has his phone underneath the desk, texting away from who I only assume on the other end of that is Sophie.

“How about ‘All for Love’?” One of my classmates suggested.

“I’m done singing that song,” another classmate answered. “Why don’t we do a classic, like ‘Help From My Pals’?” the class had a big reaction to that song and I didn’t blame them; that song sucked.

“The requirements for this song choice can either be entirely a choir piece, or a choir piece with one lead soloist,” Mr. Kamalani explained. “It’s suppose to be a choice that best showcases our choir.” Mr. Kamalani looks at the back of the classroom, pointing at the person with their hand up. “Mr. Serrano?”

“I think the Whitney Houston piece is good for us to perform,” Aaron began to say. The class began to chatter, nodding their heads in agreement. “We all have fun performing it, and Mollie’s vocals in the solo are, well— it’s Mollie,” Aaron added as the class agreed with him. Some even began to sing the song just for fun, and it instantly puts a smile on my face.

“Mollie definitely has to be the soloist for this competition,” one classmate said out loud. “Like, it’s Mollie.”

“Mollie isn’t the only singer in this class,” Laurie mentioned, in which the class turned to face her. “Like, why does she get to do the solo part? Why can’t someone else get the change to?”

“Because you can’t sing,” Aaron said, which made the class laugh; even Milo.

“Alright, that’s enough,” Mr. Kamalani intervenes. “I do agree that there’s something about this song that awakens something inside you guys, and I think Ms. Castro’s vocals make the song even more bright.” He looks at me before he continues to speak. “Let’s practice the piece before we make a decision.” Everyone began to get up from their seats and walk to their designated positions. I began to walk towards the center of the room, passing Aaron in the process.

“You got this, Mols,” Aaron whispers to me. I don’t say anything back, nor look at him. Don’t pretend that nothing happened, Aaron.

“Alright, starting from the top,” Mr. Kamalani lifts his arms, and cues the section that begins the song. I took a deep breath before starting the solo.

“There’s a boy, I know; he’s the one I dream of,” I began to sing, as the rest of the choir continues singing. Everyone starts to dance in their place, feeling the best of the song. Even Mr. Kamalani follows along, dancing in place as he conducted the choir. I start getting into the song myself, singing like it’s the actual day of performance.

“Oh tell me!” I belt out. “How will I know if he really loves me?” I continued to sing, closing my eyes, getting into the song as it goes on. Falling in love is so bittersweet; this love is strong, why do I feel weak?

“If he loves me, if he loves not,” I sang, feeling the lyrics of the song now. How will I know if Aaron actually loves me? Is it in the way he makes me smile even when he doesn’t even try? Is it his smile and the way he brushes his wavy hair away from his face? Is it the why he kisses me; the way he waits a moment after to completely pull back just to see if I’m okay.

How will I know if Aaron really loves me, the way that I love him?

“Alright, alright,” Mr. Kamalani stops us as he smiled; he seemed to get the picture on how much we enjoyed this song. “This will be our song choice for NYSSMA.”

…

“Mollie, this is the song that I chose for the competition,” Jennifer walked to the aux cord, plugging her phone to the speaker. She played the song and I immediately began to bump my head to the song. It was percussion heavy; every other beat was aggressive and the singer’s lyrics flowed with that melody. I could see the vision that Jennifer had for this dance. “Fire concept, dressed in all red with your hair in waves, mimicking flames.” I continued to listen to the song, thinking about the movements that would look good with this music. The song stops, and Jennifer pauses the queue to look at me. “Whatcha think?”

“It sounds great,” I said, excited to learn the choreography. “I think it would look fire—no pun intended—on the stage.” Jennifer rolled her eyes as she laughed at my corny joke.

“I think it’s mature enough, but not too mature; I don’t need to hear mom on my case saying something looks too sexy,” Jennifer mentioned. “I also think this a good piece to put your name out there; make people remember you when you’re out here auditioning for dance programs in college.”

“You’re thinking about college, I’m thinking about what we’re having for dinner tonight,” I teased. Jennifer was not amused.

“Seriously Mollie, you have to start thinking about these things early,” she said, facing the mirror in the dance studio. “When I was your age, I wasn’t thinking about college. I’m not saying you have to make decisions now, but as a dancer, you have to have pieces prepared years in advance. They want the most perfect looking routine ever, and doing it last minute like did doesn’t get you in schools like Juilliard.”

“What makes you think I’m even good enough for Juilliard?” I asked. “I’m just some girl that dances to keep her sanity.”

“You’re some girl that is hiding her talent because she doesn’t believe how good she really is,” Jennifer corrected. “Just because you’re not a dual major doesn’t mean you aren’t multitalented.”

“Who said anything about being a dual major?” I questioned, confused that she would even bring something like that up in the conversation.

“You think you’re not good for a school like Juilliard because Waverly has embedded this belief that only dual majors are capable of getting in. That’s not true, and I hope you know that isn’t true.” Jennifer sternly stated. I can’t lie; there is this visible divide from the dual majors and the regular majors. Dual majors are treated like the celebrities of Waverly; they get to miss multiple classes for performances and the students acted like they were better than everyone else. I definitely saw that change in Milo as the year went by, and there were times I saw that shift in Aaron. It was an ugly trait to have; a lot of the times it felt like the dual majors viewed group work with regular students as charity. It only me them look better than they already are.

“But it’s a plus,” I debated, rolling my eyes. “They probably look at dual majors as more ‘serious’ about their crafts.”

“Colleges do not care about a program that one place values,” Jennifer stated, crossing her arms along her chest. “Dual majors don’t exist outside of the Waverly universe, and you shouldn’t make yourself so little because Waverly makes you feel. little.” I hate how accurate Jennifer is.

“Is that how you felt when you were in Waverly?” I asked. Jennifer took a moment to answer me, which made me believe that she did.

“I was in the same situation as you,” Jennifer began to say. “I was in vocal, doing shows and performing at NYSSMA and all of that on top of keeping up with my dance routines in my academy. I wasn’t a dual major myself, but my best friend was, and I saw how it was changing him.” Jennifer started to laugh, knowing that the best friend she is referring to is Milo’s dad. “You can’t change the mentality of a dual major, but you can change yours.” Jennifer spoke to me through experience, which was something that always made me uncomfortable. Jennifer always told me that I remind her of her younger self, and while that would annoy me considering that I don’t see myself being anything like her, to some extent I believe it. If I was able to go back in time and see my sister as a 15-year-old, like some VHS tape of that time, maybe then I’ll believe her 100 percent.

Jennifer walked up to the mirror, looking at her reflection. We stood there together, and I immediately begin comparing myself to Jennifer. Our posture, the aura we gave off, and even the way we stared at ourselves in the mirror. Was it possible that your sister could be your twin flame of some sort? It’s uncanny how similar our lives have been up to this point.

“You need to give yourself credit for your craft,” Jennifer began to say. “You have to tell yourself that you are just as good as everybody else, and that you have a gift.” Jennifer faced me before she continued to speak. “Some people will fall in love with their craft more than anything else, and something tells me you’re that person.” I took what Jennifer said for consideration. There was no doubt that I took my crafts seriously, and to this point it has paid off. I knew I was in love with the craft once I saw it in someone else. Aaron. Aaron had a love for his craft, and sometimes it felt like I was in competition with it. But I now wonder if he thinks the same thing with me; does he feel like he’s in competition with my crafts as well? I let out a deep breath, which signaled Jennife to change the conversation. Well, kind of.

“How are you and Aaron doing?” Jennifer asked. I looked at her, knowing her true intention of asking me that question.

“Mom told you?” I asked, raising an eyebrow. “About my performance with the band?”

“She might’ve mentioned it,” Jennifer said, sitting down on the floor now. I sighed, following her. “From what she might’ve mentioned, she said that you came home all upset. You were, like, locked in your room all of that weekend.” I looked at her, not really wanting to get into it. She rolled her eyes at me. “I’m your sister, Mol. I’m on your side no matter what.” I sighed, confining in my sister.

“His ex-girlfriend was one of the performers at the show,” I confessed.

“Oh,” Jennifer reacted, listening for more. “How do you know that was his ex?”

“She sang the same song that we were going to perform,” I answered. “It wasn’t that hard to put two and two together.” Jennifer’s eyes widened; clearly she wasn’t expecting to hear this.

“And what did Aaron say?” she asked.

“He wasn’t even phased about it; he was all like, ‘yeah, we wrote the song together for the band, it’s the band’s song’ and I was just standing there like; are you serious?” I recalled, getting all worked up again about that night. “Like, did you just tell me that she used to be in your band too?” Jennifer sighed, adjusting herself on the floor before she said anything further.

“So, you think he just wanted you to be in his band because of your vocals?” Jennifer asked. I didn’t answer right away, juggling with the thought myself. I guess the long silence made Jennifer think different. “So you do think he’s using you for his band?”

“I don’t know,” I finally said. “On the surface, it looks like that. He and his ex were writing all of these songs together to perform them together, and then all of a sudden they break up and now they don’t have a lead singer?”

“There’s a ‘but’ coming,” Jennifer added.

“But,” I finally said, sighing in the process. “Aaron makes me feel like nothing I ever felt before. He makes me feel happy, and when we’re together he makes me feel like I’m the only one.” I pondered the thought before I openly asked it. “Or so I assume.”

“You think there’s another girl?” Jennifer quickly came to my defense.

“No, no,” I shut down before she got fired up. “But, I do think he loves his craft more than he loves me.” Jennifer nodded her head, understanding the root of my issue.

“Ah,” Jennifer responded. “That makes sense to feel. I’ve been in that situation plenty of times–“

“Do I not get an unique life experience?” I pointed out, annoyed that this was also something Jennifer could relate to. Jennifer laughed, shaking her head.

“You like the musicians; I did too,” Jennifer compared herself to me. “And I dated a ton of them and thought that us bonding was me agreeing to be the lead singer in their little garage band. It is to a certain extent, but you also don’t want your relationship to only live in the practice room.”

“So you fell victim in being the musician’s girlfriend/lead singer cycle?” I asked. She nodded her head. Dumb question, Mollie.

“All I’m saying is that this is your life, and you have to choose how you want to live it,” Jennifer said. “You can’t based your decisions on someone else’s experience. Maybe it feels like what it looks like on the surface, but you’ll never know the truth if you don’t speak to Aaron about it.”

“What if he lies to me?” I asked. “What if he says he really wanted to be with me for me and not for the band?”

“If he tells you something that you don’t necessarily believe, then you have every right to not believe it and make a decision on that,” Jennifer answered, as she began to get ready for rehearsal to start. “You have to trust your gut at the end of the day. If you believe he loves you more than your role in his band, then forgive him. If you don’t; dump him.” Jennifer turned back around to face the mirror, getting in her focus mode.

“I just wish Aaron treated me the way that Milo treats Sophie,” I openly admitted as I looked in the mirror again with Jennifer. I shouldn’t have said it, considering Milo and I aren’t even friends anymore. On top of that, times like this I wish Jennifer wasn’t married to Milo’s dad; bringing up Milo in any conversation with my sister felt like it was going to go back to him. I could see Jennifer’s face soften, looking at me through the mirror. It was too late to take back what I said. “I bet Sophie doesn’t have to question whether or not Milo loves her.”

“What do you mean?” Jennifer asked. I looked at her, noticing she was already looking at me.

“I see them always hanging out together, and I mean—” I stopped before I continued with my lingering thought. And also the fact that he chose her over his best friend has to mean something, right? “I mean, Sophie always looks so happy when she’s hanging out with him; he has to treat her in such a good way that she doesn’t have to question how he feels about her.”

“So,” Jennifer turned her body completely to face me; I do the same. “Milo and Sophie are pretty close, huh?” I rolled my eyes at Jennifer, noticing answering her question. “Let me rephrase that: Milo and Sophie spend a lot of time together because he doesn’t hang out with you anymore?” The expression on my face confirmed my exact thought process: ow the hell did she know we didn’t hang out anymore? “Mol, you can’t compare your relationship to… whatever Milo and Sophie are. Whatever Milo and Sophie are? Aren’t they in a relationship? “You are two completely different people, and the way Aaron treats you shouldn’t be compared to how Milo treats Sophie. Who’s to say Sophie doesn’t look at you and compare herself to you and your relationship?”

“You’re right,” I dismissed quickly, wanting to get off this topic as soon as possible. All this time, I thought Milo and Sophie were dating; it would make sense on how Milo and Sophie act around each other. But, for them to act that way and Milo hasn’t even make her his girlfriend… that was a low blow, even for Milo. “Let’s learn that dance number before it gets too late and mom gets on my case once again about curfew.” Jennifer laughed, getting in the starter position of the routine.

“Some things never change,” Jennifer reacted. “Alright, let me count you into the piece. 1, 2, 3, 4–”

Focus on our craft. Love it more than anything else in your life. That’s the type of person I always was.

It was raining on this particular Saturday afternoon, and I had nothing planned besides get some homework done and practice a couple of cues for band class. We had our end-of-the-year performance coming up soon, and Mr. Harrison kept giving us pieces to learn for it. I feel like we’ve learned an encyclopedia worth of music this year alone. It was exciting, but sometimes I wish we were given some sort of break in between learning new pieces to actually prefect them.

My mum knocked on my bedroom door before she entered. I still wasn’t talking to her after what she did the day Milo brought me home from our last performance. Since then, she’s tried to make any effort in us being on good terms again; it was hard to forgive her when I was still so embarrassed in the way she acted towards Milo. Even though I am solely the blame for what happened that day.

“Soojin,” my mum said to me as she opened my bedroom door. “Remember that you have your video call with your father in a few.” I didn’t say anything back to her. She sighed as she left my room, closing the door behind her. I wasn’t thrilled to have these visits with my father, but I had made a promise to my mum that if the visitations didn’t interfere with my school schedule or extracurricular activities, I could video chat with him. I made sure that she didn’t completely ban me from ever hanging out with Milo again, considering she thought that he influenced me in a negative way.

…

“Heya, kid,” my dad said through the computer screen, smiling right in the camera.

“Hi, dad,” I said, forcing a smile on my face. My dad had lost some weight in his face since the last time I saw him. He also was the type to upkeep his facial hair; he’s now growing in a scruffy beard on his face. It was like I was looking at a complete stranger that was supposedly my dad.

“How’s it going? How’s high school treating you?” He kept asking me a bunch of questions, which made me feel bad. He really wanted to know everything that was going on in my life, and it seemed like he kept these questions for so long to someday ask me. I should’ve made more of an effort to do these visits with him. It just hurt too much to make this a regular reoccurrence.

“It’s been good,” I began to answer. “We had a show at Juilliard a couple of weeks ago, and now we’re getting ready for our end-of-the-year showcase.”

“That’s great,” he smiled as he spoke. He was so happy to talk to me it made me feel both guilty, yet mad at the situation. You should’ve been here. You would’ve known all of this stuff anyway. “You like it there? You made any friends?”

“Yeah,” I said, not getting much into it. “We’re all in band together, so we spend a lot of time practicing together and stuff.” He nodded his head, not looking too much into my words.

“I’m happy you got into Waverly,” he said, adjusting in his seat. “I’m glad to hear that you still love playing the violin.” I nodded as he spoke. It was undoubtedly true how much I loved playing the violin, and I was only ever introduced to it because of my father. “Remember when you wanted to play the flute in grade school because all of the other girls in your class played it?”

“I do,” I laughed a little, almost forgetting that was something that happened. “We have a flute section in our band; surprisingly they are made up of boys.”

“Really?” My dad asked, seemingly shocked. “I would’ve thought they wanted to play bigger instruments, like the trombone or the saxophone. Or even the drums; boys seem to play instruments that they play in their band outside of school.” I nodded my head, completely agreeing with my dad.

“Oh yeah,” I began to say. “There’s a bunch of boys that are in bands outside of school. That’s all that they talk about with each other before class. It’s interesting to see them transition from their contemporary music to classical music when we have class.”

“Can’t ever escape the classics,” my dad added on. He was completely right; you can’t stray away from playing the classics when you’re in an ensemble like Waverly High’s. “I know your mum is more concerned about your grades rather than music, so make sure that you are keeping up with them as well.” I nodded my head, feeling more comfortable talking to my dad. It’s a weird feeling; he doesn’t feel like he’s in a computer screen. He feels like he’s sitting across the table from me, drinking his coffee with the newspaper folded underneath it. It feels like I’m having breakfast with him before school; like the old days. Like the good days.

“I am,” I reassured him, fidgeting with my hands in front of me. “I was looking into a college that I was interested in, and I have to have really good grades in order to get into it.” This is something I didn’t even share with my mum yet.

“Already?” My dad asked. “I mean, that’s great! It’s good that you’re already thinking about college… although you just started high school…”

“I know, but it doesn’t hurt to start preparing for those things,” I explained. I wanted to tell him the school. I wanted to tell him everything I’ve researched about their music program there because I knew he would be supportive of my decision. He was also very vocal about me pursuing music; my mum had other plans for me. They normally would clash because of it, and sometimes I only feel like my mum only let me go to Waverly to please my father. If it were up to her, she would’ve sent me to some STEM school or something. “So, what’s the school that you’re interested in?”

“Oh, uhm… just a few different schools,” I vaguely answered. “I don’t remember the names of them.” My dad nodded his head before changing the subject.

“Just know that no matter what you decide to do, I will always support your decision,” he said as he looked directly into the camera. “I know it’s hard to believe considering the circumstances, but I am always going to be there for you.” I didn’t say much after that; I was too afraid to say or think too heavily on this just in case I started to cry.

This was the reason why I never wanted to do this in the first place. It’s not because I didn’t love my father anymore, but it simply hurts knowing that the one person that completely understands me isn’t around to help me navigate through these weird times in my life, balancing my life was a student, a violinist, a teenager.

“I know,” I simply said, swallowing the knot that formed in my throat. The beeping of the call began to ring quicker, which meant that our meeting was almost over.

“Keep going, kid,” he said as smiled. “Thank you for coming to talk to me today, and I’ll talk to you soon. I lo—” A blue screen appears in place of where my dad was. The call had officially ended. I took a deep breath, closing the laptop. I wanted to cry so hard in this moment. How was I falling in love with music with someone also in love with music, and the person who introduced it to me isn’t seeing the transformation happening in real time? He would’ve been so happy to hear that I was interested in Juilliard. Back in the UK, he used to watch all of the Philharmonic shows that Julliard hosted. He always commented on how huge the stage was. He insisted that one day I would play the stage of Juilliard.

I made it, dad. I played on the stage that you so desperately wanted me to play on, and you couldn’t be there to witness it happening.

I went back to my room and closed the door shut, weeping in my arms. The frustration, the anger, the absolute sadness I feel without having him around. I missed him like crazy, and I wanted nothing more to go back in time and tell him just how much I needed him in my life. I needed him giving me all the in and outs of being a violinist. I needed him to nod his head agreeing with all of the challenges I faced being a violinist.

More than anything, I needed him to show me what it was like having a boy love you, and how to love a boy back.

I haven’t had the courage to talk to Sophie since the day of our performance. I felt like she was too embarrassed to talk to me too; I don’t blame her considering that her mother literally saw the devil in me when she grabbed Sophie away. I didn’t think her mom had a problem with me, but maybe I was wrong. Maybe she blamed me for something that Sophie did, or didn’t do; who knows at this point. Regardless, I wanted to give Sophie her space and wait until she felt like she was ready to finally talk to me. I didn’t realize that two weeks later, she still wouldn’t come and talk to me.

I watched Sophie as we rehearsed a piece in our band class, wondering how she will react when I finally go up and talk to her.

Once the bell rang and everyone began to pack their things, I waited for Sophie after class. I walked to her desk as she was putting her binder in her backpack. She looked up to see me standing there.

“Milo,” Sophie said in a slightly shocked tone.

“Hey, Scout,” I greeted her, wanting to make this interaction as comfortable as possible. “You want to rehearse in the West Wing today?”

“Sure,” Sophie simply answered, which I was surprised to hear. We both walked out of the classroom together and went to the West Wing.

…

“So, the piece we’re learning now,” Sophie began to say as she was taking her music binder back out. “There’s a section that seems to be confusing to me because of the major and minor chord changes—“

“Scout?” I said as I put my hand on top of hers, slowing her down. “Are you alright?”

“Of course,” Sophie faintly smiled, trying to mask everything. “So this piece—“

“You know you can still tell me anything, right?” I reassured her. “Like, you know I’m here to listen, right?” Sophie looked at me for a moment, not really knowing what to do or say next.

“I know,” she finally said. I leaned back, finally giving Sophie her space as she took in a deep breath. “I’m sorry for being radio silent the last couple of weeks. I didn’t mean to shut you out and when I did, I was nervous because I thought you didn’t want me to talk to you anymore.”

“Scout, that wasn’t even a thought I had,” I began to say. “I was worried about you, especially with what happened with your mom and—“

“I’m sorry that she spoke to you that way,” Sophie immediately said, as if she needed to get it off her chest. “She shouldn’t have took my mistake on you. She just assumes that other people–“

“Influence your decisions?” I finished her sentence. She simply nodded. I know how that feels. “I get it. Literally my parents think the same thing.” Sophie smiles, seemingly relieved that this went smoothly. I didn’t want to ask her what “mistake” she was referring to; I felt like anything was better to talk about than the one thing that she was stressed about for the last two weeks.

…

“Did you figure out what you’re going to perform for the dual major showcase?” Sophie asked me as we sat in the rehearsal room, tuning our instruments.

“Not yet,” I said, flipping through the pages of my music binder. “I feel like it’s so cliche to sing and play the drums; like I’m not in a band like that.”

“And you never wanted to be in one?” she asked.

“In a band?” I repeated as she nodded her head. “When I was younger, yeah, but that vision went away as I got older.”

“You’d be so cool in a band though,” Sophie mentioned. “Like, you have such a unique singing voice, your band would totally stand out from the others.” I smiled at her words; they made me feel warm inside.

“You’re just saying that,” I teased Sophie, getting close to her face as I did. I could see the wind being taken out of her breath when I did.

“I’m stating a fact,” Sophie said, pressing her finger on my forehead as she playfully pushed me back. “Seriously Milo, you should consider starting a band so that by the time you’re a senior, you’re this huge rockstar in Waverly.”

“Do you just want to see what it feels like kissing a rockstar or something?” I continued to tease her, missing our banter. I missed sitting this close to Sophie; even more so, I missed how her lips felt whenever I kissed her. I gently kissed Sophie on the lips, yearning for her touch. As I expected, her lips were soft and tasted like vanilla sugar.

“Now that’s fiction,” Sophie teased back, giggling as she tasseled my hair. She got up once the bell rang, ending our lunch period. This period always feels like it comes and goes in 15 minutes.

“Can you hang out after school or,” I drifted off, knowing the answer once Sophie looked at me. Still grounded, huh?

“You can walk with me to the bus stop; technically that’s not us hanging out after school,” Sophie said slyly, smirking at me. She was getting pretty good at doing this flirting thing with me; I was enjoying every minute of it.

“That is a fact,” I responded back, mimicking her early conversation. She laughed as we gathered our things, and went our separate ways for the rest of the day.

…

I have developed this habit of being one of the first kids to come to our vocal class; not because I was eager to come here, but because the West Wing was closer to the vocal room than the lunch room is. My dad was erasing the chalkboard when he saw me walk into the classroom.

“Hey, kid,” my dad said as he cleaned the chalk off of his hands. “You’re here earlier than usual; you usually have like 5 more minutes before you’d get here.”

“Sophie had to go to her next class,” I said as I took my binder out of my backpack. “She has a test today.” My dad didn’t say anything else; he just walked over to his desk and gathered some papers together.

“You guys were in the West Wing?” he finally asked as he started to sort out the papers. I rolled my eyes, knowing what he truly wanted to know.

“I was there practicing for the dual major showcase,” I said, looking up at my dad. “Sophie was there studying for her test. That’s fiction, Milo.

“I just asked if you were at the West Wing,” my dad scoffed, stapling pages of sheet music together for class. “I didn’t need the details–“

“Oh, like you weren’t assuming the worst,” I said, rolling my eyes.

“I’m just saying, Milo; I was once your age,” he looked up as he spoke. “I know what boys your age do.” I think about kissing Sophie in the rehearsal room, realizing that’s something we tend to always do when we’re there. Fact, but I won’t let him know that. It wasn’t long after that Mollie walked into the classroom. I quickly glanced over at her, but looked back down at my binder. “Good Afternoon, Mollie,” my dad greeted her.

“Hi,” Mollie greeted back, sitting at her seat.

“Ready to learn a new piece today?” He asked as he began to put sheet music on each desk.

“Another new song? What, are we entering some never ending singathon or something?” I couldn’t help but chuckle to myself. Mollie and I don’t really speak to each other these days, but there was no doubt that she would say funny things out loud, especially if they were things we were all thinking.

“Oh, you think that’s funny too, Milo?” my dad said, crossing his arms along his chest.

“I mean, we do have enough songs to sing if we were ever invited to some charity stream raising a million dollars,” I added, slightly looking at Mollie. She wasn’t looking up from her desk, but I could see her smirking to herself when I spoke to my dad.

“Well, you want to be the best, you have to know all of the best music out there,” my dad said, finally handing me the sheet music we were learning today. I skimmed through the pages and my smile began to fade. I looked over at Mollie, now looking up from the desk and at my dad.

“Mr. Kamalani, are you serious?” Mollie finally said, holding tithe sheet music up. “What even is this?”

“It’s the song we are submitting to NYSSMA next month,” my dad answered, smiling. “Welcome to Waverly High vocal, guys.”

Breathe in, Mol. Breathe out.

I stood on the sideline backstage, watching a band perform to the audience on stage. The crowd seemed lively tonight, which made me excited but even more nervous than usual. I’ve performed in front of tons of people, so I didn’t know what made this time different. I took a deep breath and sighed it out; I guess it caught Aaron’s attention.

“Mols,” Aaron said as he walked toward me. “You good?” I nodded, faking a smile before looking back at the stage. I felt Aaron’s hand slip into the palm of mine, tugging me away from the stage. He pulls me behind a part of the curtain away from the other bands and people and looks directly in my eyes.

“You’re going to be fine,” Aaron reassures me before saying else. “You know you’re gonna kill it, you always–“

“This is different, Aaron,” I interrupted him, looking at him now. “This isn’t some 20-person vocal choir where if I mess up on a note, no one will notice.”

“No, but that’s not going to happen,” Aaron debated. “You’ve never forgotten a single note of music since I’ve met you.”

“But what if it happens tonight?” I questioned. “This is something that I’ve never done, and this is a whole new crowd of people that don’t know me and I don’t know them and–

“Breathe, Mols,” Aaron grabbed my shoulders and took in a deep breath. I mimicked him, hoping that it would help in any way possible. In a way, it did, but he could definitely tell I was still anxious. “It’s nothing that you can’t do.”

“And how do you know that?” I kept questing Aaron. “You never performed with me before–“

“But I did,” Aaron said, now interrupting me. “You don’t remember? Open House showcase earlier this year? We sang the two solo parts in the closing song?” I looked at Aaron, nearly shocked that he remembered that one performance out of the dozens we already did for vocal. That performance was one of the first that we did as a freshman class. I remember being so nervous for that performance. Being on the stage next to Aaron singing that solo felt comforting in a way I never felt before. “That was the moment I knew that you could do amazing things when you sang on stage.”

“You’re just saying that,” I said. “You have to say those things.”

“I say them because I mean them,” Aaron said as he kissed me on my forehead. “And they’re true.” I looked at Aaron and just smiled. Was it normal to be this much in love at my age? How does one even know what love feels like? Aaron smiled at me before he leaned in for a kiss. He held my hand as we walked back toward the backstage area; along the way, Xavier and Willis come running towards our direction.

“Yo,” Xavier started to say to us. “Did you realize that–“

“Alright, give it up for Child’s Playpen!” the host of the event begins to say. The audience cheers as the band gets off the stage. “Next on our roster, we have one of our regulars! She’s back to bless us with her angelic vocals! Give it up for Rina!” I walked towards the back of the stage to watch the next performer. I was nice to see another girl performing tonight where most of the people in these bands are guys. I applaud for the girl as she walks closer to the microphone.

“Mol–” I heard Aaron’s voice call out for me, but turned back around when the girl on stage started to talk.

“What’s up Victorian Hall!” The girl shouted out, which made the audience cheer just as loud. “Y’all already know who it is! But those who don’t; I’m Rina! I used to be in a band before venturing out into solo stuff, defining my sounds and recreating the image I wanted to put out. This first song was one I co-wrote a while back and performed once or twice. Anyway, I revamped it to fit my style and I hope you guys rock the fuck out!” Everyone cheered as the girl began to get ready to start her performance.

“Mol,” Aaron says again, trying to get my attention.

“Shhh,” I turned around and said before looking at the stage. The band behind the girl begins to play the song; it sounded catchy, like something I once heard or something. She finally starts to sing the lyrics of the song, looking out to the audience. I was listening to the words, seemingly knowing each and every word of the song. I was confused; did I see this girl perform this song before? She began to jump around the stage, anticipating the chorus drop, and when it finally did… my heart dropped along with it.

This… this is the same song we’re performing.

The lyrics finally click once I hear Rina sing them; it’s a send off to an ex. Aaron had told me it was about a cheating partner getting hit with karma after doing them dirty in their last relationship. I couldn’t turn around and look at Aaron; it was hurting too much to even feel him standing behind me.

“Mol,” Aaron finally said, lower than the previous times. Before any tears could come down, I quickly walked away. “Mollie, wait!”

I yanked the curtain away as I walked through it; I wanted nothing more than to hide under a rock and never be seen again. I felt my heart breaking in pieces in my body. I knew Aaron had a girlfriend before me, but I didn’t know she was a part of his band. It made me mad to even think that Aaron was using me just for his band. Maybe he didn’t really like me to begin with. It wasn’t long after that Aron came rushing through the curtain, sighing once he sees me there.

“Mollie,” Aaron began to say.

“You’re kidding, right?” I immediately spat out. “Tell me I’m being pranked or something–“

“It’s not what it looks like,” Aaron started to explain. “Rina and I wrote the song for the band; not her.”

“She still went up there and performed it, Aaron!” I shouted, angry now. “She still felt the need to take the song and perform it knowing that the band was here tonight.” I looked at Aaron; this was the first time he genuinely seemed at a lost of words. It was like he wasn’t believing the words coming out of his mouth. It was like he didn’t know what to do in this moment. “Are you not over your ex?”

“What?” Aaron quickly asked defensively.

“You heard me,” I spat back. “Are you not over your ex and the cute little band you guys used to have so you had to drag me into it and try to replace the void of yore precious Rina?”

“Do you even hear yourself?” Aaron said, now getting mad. “Do you think if that was the truth, then why did you even decide to join the band in the first place?”

“I didn’t know your ex was in your band!” I yelled out. “Why would you even teach me a song that you and your ex wrote while you two were together?”

“Because it’s one of our songs, Mol,” Aaron answered, now getting annoyed. “Is this really about the song or is this about seeing my ex at this show?”

“I wouldn’t have known she even was your ex if she didn’t perform our song.” I debated back, crossing my arms along my chest. “You think I would’ve joined your band if I knew she was the lead vocalist before me?”

“And even if you did, why would it matter?” Aaron fought back. “She’s my ex for a reason, and she left the band for the same reason–“

“So you’re telling me that you’re just going to replace the lead vocalist of your band every time you date and break up with them?” I spat out. It hurt me knowing that Aaron did not actually ask me to be in his band because he liked me or my voice or thought I was the perfect fit for the band, but because this is what he usually does.

“Mol,” Aaron simply said, seeming upset now. “I should’ve told you about Rina, yes; but to actually believe that I would do something like that to you makes me question if you really know me.”

“Did you really want me to be in your band because of me?” I simply asked, trying to hold back the tears. I wanted Aaron to make everything feel better; he usually knows what to do or say to calm me down in times like this. Who do I turn to when my source of happiness is also the source of my sadness?

“Mol,” Aaron sighed as he began to say.

“Answer the question,” I demanded. “Did you want me in your band for me, or were you just looking for a replacement for your band?” To my surprise, Aaron didn’t answer right away. I nodded, trying to keep my composure.

Before anything else was said, Xavier came rushing through the curtain, looking for us.

“Dude, we’re up in like 2 minutes,” he said to Aaron.

“Give us a second,” Aaron responded. “We’re in the middle of something right now.”

“We’re good,” I said, walking away from Aaron. “We have to be in position for the performance.”

“Mols,” Aaron called out.

“Remember to cue me in when your solo is over in the second verse,” I said to Aaron, dismissing everything that was spoken about before.

“Mollie,” Aaron said one more time before we hear the host speaking on stage.

“Alright! The last performers of the night aren’t strangers to the lounge. Give it up for Quiet Division!” The audience cheers as we all walk on stage to our positions. I wanted to be anywhere else besides being in front of all these people singing a song that Aaron and his ex wrote. I took a deep breath, trying to not let this get the best of me.

I closed my eyes before looking over at Aaron running his guitar. He quickly glances up to look at me. I remember seeing Aaron do the same thing the first time I ever saw him perform. At the time, he seemed like he knew what he was doing and he looked so genuine doing it. There was no doubt Aaron cared about his band a lot; he was passionate about it. He spoke about how much he hoped he and his band became famous in the future. At the time, it was inspirational to see someone care about their craft so much. I felt like in that moment, I was able to finally relate to someone who gets it.

“You’re talented and passionate,” Aaron said sitting across from me while we practiced in Mr. Kamalani’s room. “It’s hard to find people that have that same value in their craft.”

“Sometimes I feel like a fraud though,” I admitted, flipping through the pages of sheet music. “This isn’t my craft.”

“But you take it seriously,” Aaron added. “You’re naturally a person that works hard to be the best at what they do.”

“So, being a perfectionist?” I asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Being a dreamer,” Aaron said. “With hard work, your dreams can come true.”

“Is that so?” I scoffed, sighing at Aaron’s cheesy speech. “What makes you believe something like that?”

“I have to if I want the band to succeed,” Aaron explained. “Just how you want your dance career to succeed.” I rolled my eyes; it was hard to believe that something that I could possibly dreamt of being can com true if I worked hard enough to achieve it.

I didn’t realize that at the time Aaron was basically telling me he’d do anything for his band to succeed, even if that meant hurting my feelings in the process.

I took a deep breath and smiled toward the crowd. “What’s up, New York City!” The crowd cheered and applaud as I spoke. “Thank you to the Oxy Lounge for having us tonight; we are Quiet Division and we’re here to put on a good fuckin’ show for you!” As the crowd applaud, I looked over to Rina in the crowd, I’m assuming with a bunch of her friends. “We have a sick set for you all, so let’s get started with the first song… something tells me you guys already know the words to this one.” I looked over at Aaron, cueing him to start the song. He looked at me for a brief moment before he began playing the starting chords. I quickly turned my head to face the microphone, trying to sing the song.

I didn’t allow this hiccup to mess me up. Even though singing isn’t truly my passion, I am generally a passionate person. I will always be the best at what I do. I started to dance around the stage, singing along to the songs and interacting with the band members to give off that rockstar aura. The lights hitting me on stage and seeing the audience dance along to the music.

“When you’re laying next to him, does he ever hold you tight, does he comfort you when you cry in the middle of the night?” I started to sing as I looked directly at Rina, letting her know that this was the way that the song is now sung. I walked over to Aaron, watching him play the guitar. He looks at me as he plays, and I couldn’t help but think just how hot he looked doing so. I wasn’t giving him the benefit of the doubt, but something about us being on stage together made everything bad that happened disappear. “I can see it in your eyes that you already know, how much it kills me to say that I told you so!” I belted the notes as the chords went into the closing chorus. I flipped my hair upwards; the waves of red made it look like a fire flame. I get on my knees to continue ad-libing the final chorus. The audience is going wild at this moment, and before I knew it, the song finished and the crowd loudly cheered. I catch my breath, taking in everything. I looked at Aaron, as he looked at me.

Maybe we are the same person. Passionate.

I entered the code to enter the building, as I always do whenever I have band practice. Typically, I come to practice with Aaron; it’s only when I have other shit to do before that I come here by myself. Today was one of those days.

I opened the hatch to the rehearsal space and walked in; Aaron and the guys were tuning their instruments and chatting before starting the practice. Aaron smiled as I walked in; he left his guitar next to his stuff and walked over to me. Of course, in true boy fashion, the guys teased him for showing any type of affection toward me and in true Aaron fashion; he didn’t care how affectionate he was.

“Hey, babe,” Aaron smiled as he greeted me. He gently kissed me on the forehead before walking me to the center of the room. He only kissed me on the forehead like that when he knew I was having a rough day, week, month; life. The night that I walked out of Milo’s place, I turned off my phone so that Milo wouldn’t try calling me or texting me. I was done having any contact with him and at this point fighting with him made me mentally ill. “You’re feeling alright?”

“Yeah,” I said as I sighed. “I’m just a little tired; I had to learn the new routine for my sister’s showcase.”

“We could’ve rescheduled,” Aaron insisted, stopping me in my tracks. “I don’t want you to overwork yourself.” It was sweet to have Aaron consider just how much pressure I put on myself when it comes to my extracurricular activities. I never really had anyone in my life tell me to slow down; I feel like no one in my life even knows what that looks like. I smiled at him, thankful for the concern.

“Too late,” I smiled as I joked. “I’m fine. Doing these things help distract me from all of the other shit going on in my life.” Aaron doesn’t protest this time; he walks me over to the microphone stand before walking back to his space.

“Alright,” Xavier, our drummer, began to say. “We have a week before we perform these songs at the Bueno Flamingo and there are some places that Dean said needed to be tweaked.” I nodded my head as I listened.

“Dean mentioned that ‘Stop that Feeling’ needed to be revamped some more. I don’t know how much we can redo since–“

“We got it,” Aaron interrupted the band’s bassist, Jordan. “With our sound, we could make it a little more hard rock and powerful with Mol’s vocals.” The guys all looked over at me as if they were waiting for me to confirm.

“You need me to sing higher notes?” I asked, a little nervous that’s where the conversation was heading. Aaron walked over to me before he answered. That means yes, Mollie.

“We were thinking about adding runs to the end of the chorus,” Aaron mentioned. I cocked up an eyebrow, annoyed that these executive decisions about my role in the band were not being made with me.

“Runs?” I repeated. “So, you want me to not only hit that high note at the bridge, but now you want me to do a run at the chorus as well?” It wasn’t that I couldn’t hit these notes; that’s the easy part. It was the fact that the band always thought that I’d do whatever they say for these songs.

“Babe,” Aaron whispered as he pulled me to the side. “I know I should’ve mentioned this before, but we need to impress these producers at this show and—“

“No, no; it’s fine,” I said to Aaron, sighing as I did. “I just wish you guys would tell me beforehand and not in the middle of rehearsal.”

“We normally wouldn’t make a change like this so last minute,” Aaron began to explain. “Dean literally just told us a couple of hours ago about this change.”

“It’s cool, Aaron,” I emphasized once more. I turned around and adjusted the microphone to my height. Nothing else was said; we all went to our positions and began the rehearsal. The song was pretty; it was a modern take on a 1980’s feeling song. Sure, it was ancient, but vintage. With the modern rock twist, I think the two genres really mesh well together.

As I sang, I watched Aaron through the mirrored wall in the studio. He was looking back at me, but he wasn’t smiling like he normally would. Did I hurt his feelings telling him I felt annoyed about the secret decision with the chorus run? Was he upset I had said something in front of the band? I know Aaron had a lot of things going on in his life; I can only imagine how difficult it is to juggle two majors and a band on the side. He also has to juggle having me as a girlfriend–

“Mols,” Aaron called out and stopped the song. I turned around to look at him, unsure why he stopped in the first place. “You’re missing that note.”

“What note?” I asked, confused. “The note is B flat; not sharp.”

“The note sounds too technical,” Aaron argued. “The song is about feeling free of a toxic relationship in your life. That note needs to have some life behind it.”

“The note will lose the cacophony,” I explained, annoyed to be called out like this. “It needs to be technical for it to sound right.”

“I should know how the note should sound like,” he spat back, scoffing to the other guys. The person Aaron turns into when it’s band practice is always stern, but supportive. Today I’m not sure what his problem is, and I didn’t like that he was acting like a typical teenage boy around the guys.

“I’m the one passing vocal class though,” I mumbled to myself but loud enough for the others to hear. Aaron’s eyebrows scrunched on his face; he clearly did not like the reaction the other guys had when I said that.

“Dude,” Xavier said to Aaron as he tried to contain his laughter.

“Ignore her; she’s just being a typical bratty diva vocalist,” Aaron dismissed as he tuned the strings on his guitar. I immediately ran out of the rehearsal room, feeling embarrassed. Before I was able to get the elevator down, I hear Aaron call out my name.

“Mollie!” Aaron shouted down the hallway with his bags packed for the day. I turned around in his direction feeling the knot in my stomach tighten the closer he got to me. He finally got to where I was standing and didn’t take his eyes off of me. The way he was calm was a bit scary. He handed me my bookbag. I looked down at it before taking it from Aaron. His eyes are still on me, and I can’t help but look back at him. Fuck.

“You left your bag,” Aaron simply said. I yanked it from his hand and didn’t say anything else. Aaron sighed as his face soften. “Mollie, I’m sorry for calling you out your name.”

“Aaron, I–” I began to say, but I know he didn’t want to hear anything that I had to say.

“I didn’t have to retaliate and stoop to your level,” Aaron said nonchalantly.

“I didn’t mean to say–“

“But you did, Mollie,” Aaron interrupted once again. “And you said it just because I was giving you a correction on a note from a song that I wrote.”

“A correction that isn’t necessary though,” I fought back. Aaron rolled his eyes and loudly sighed.

“Just so we’re on the same page Mollie; just because I’m not always sure about the music in vocal class, it doesn’t mean I don’t know the music for my band.” Aaron emphasized. At that point, I felt shitty and just wanted to go home and leave. The elevator doors finally open and I turned around to walk into them. Aaron hates me, and he’s gonna break up with me and–

As soon as I turned around to let the doors close, Aaron walks inside the elevator and grabs my face with his palms. It immediately takes me off-guard and tense.

“Relax,” Aaron calmy said. “I don’t hate you. I’m not going to break up with you. I’m was upset that you would use our grades in vocal against me when you felt defensive. I shouldn’t had said anything else to make matters worse.” I looked at Aaron as he spoke. Band practice was getting intense for all of us; mainly because our big show is coming up and this could be big for the band’s exposure. I know how much this means to Aaron; it’s sometimes all he talks about when we’ve spoke about everything under the sun. This means so much for him, and for him to want me to be a part of this dream with him is… something nobody has ever truly done with me.

“I’m sorry,” I said in Aaron’s hands, nearly starting to cry. I wasn’t used to someone forgiving me so quickly like this. I wasn’t used to someone literally taking my shit and having them reassure me that everything was alright between us. It’s like he knows I have such a hard time holding back my tongue whenever I get defensive. “I really didn’t mean it; I was just frustrated already when the note change and–“

“It’s okay,” Aaron stopped me before I spiraled back down. “And I’m sorry that I put you on blast today with the change. I sometimes forget that even the best vocalists need a heads up in note changes.” I rolled my eyes, glad that Aaron still was able to tease me a bit. He gently kissed me on the forehead as the elevator went down. I looked up at him before getting off on the main floor.

“Aaron?” I said as the elevator stopped on our floor. He turned around, now facing me. I wanted to ask him so many questions that I couldn’t understand. Why did this feel too good to be true? Why isn’t he mad at me? Why couldn’t I stay mad at him?

“What’s up?” he answered back. I smiled at him as I walked out of the elevator. Don’t try to fix something that isn’t broken, Mol.

“Nothing,” I smiled as I said, walking out of the space with him.