I let out a deep breath as I stand in line with my bandmates in the strings section. I nervously bounce my leg in place, waiting for Mr. Harrison to walk us onto the stage. I hear the audience clap for the performance before us, followed by the stage curtain to the backstage flip open. Two teens walk out with Aaron; it seems thrilled after his showcase performance. Mollie follows the boys afterwards, noticeably looking down towards the ground.
“Sophie!” I hear a boy’s voice call out my name. Thankfully, it wasn’t Milo, but surprisingly it was Allen.
“What’s up?” I asked as he shimmered his way down the line next to me.
“I just wanted to wish you good luck on the solo tonight,” he said, faintly smiling as he spoke. “I know I was against this whole thing but, it’s pretty exciting to be performing at a dual major showcase.” I nodded my head, hoping that the conversation ended there. It didn’t.
“Thanks, Allen,” I said, turning around back in place with my violin. I heard him clear his throat before he said anything else. I turned around, looking at him as if he had something to say to me.
“I know this will probably be our last time doing something like this, but I have to admit…” Allen took in a deep breath before he continued. “I think this is the first time this school year that I actually felt proud being in the strings ensemble.”
“Same here,” I faintly smiled, agreeing with Allen. “It’s definitely a change of scenery from the band room, right?”
“I just hope we could keep this momentum,” Allen commented, seeing a bit worried. “All I want is to get the same opportunities as the other majors in Waverly.” I nodded my head, agreeing with every word that Allen says. It was true; just seeing our individual names listed on the program felt good. It felt good to get some recognition after constantly being in the shadows of the other majors here at Waverly. Sure, half of that was because of Milo considering us to be in his showcase, but its because of us that we even were glanced at by a dual major… even if that dual major was the boy that I’m hopelessly in love with.
It hurt the longer I waited to speak up. The uncertainty in everything has tainted any sort of innocence Milo and I had. We were no longer just two middle schoolers working on a final project with each other. We were… two high school freshmen that aren’t in a relationship, yet did what we did in that treehouse. My relationship with Milo was complicated now, and I don’t know how to feel knowing that it will never be what it was with Milo again. He doesn’t want me to be his girlfriend. If he did, he would’ve asked me out months ago…
“We will,” I finally said to Allen, smiling at him. He smiled back at me, as if it was that exact moment that he realized I understood what it was like to feel like him. I understood what every strings bandmate felt like. For once, I was excited for us, not just Milo getting the standing ovation.
We finally begin walking onto the stage, behind the curtain that separates us from the audience. This will be the first time that tons of people will watch us. This will probably be the first time that a lot of Waverly students realize that we’re here. This is the first time we are finally being seen. Of course, I thank Milo for giving us this opportunity, but I thank us for being able to do what we’re about to do. I am my own person outside of Milo. My talents are more than just Milo’s to showcase.
I took a quick glance at Milo, frantically trying to get everything into place before the showcase begins. He doesn’t even look over to me to wish me good luck; not even a smile in my direction. I wonder if this was all just something Milo did to get his way. What if I was just a pawn in his game? What if everything that has happened was because he simply just wanted it in the moment? What if I thought I knew what type of person Milo truly was?
“Next on our program is one of the last band/vocal dual major showcases of the night. Also a part of our freshman ensemble and freshman choir is Milo Kamalani Jr with an arrangement performed by our very own freshman string orchestra. Please give a round of applause to Milo and the strings for “A Frigid Winter!” The curtain opens and the lights immediately hit our faces. I look over at center stage and finally see Milo up close. He’s wearing this maestro-looking jacket, standing straight with his arms up, ready to conduct. We all finally begin the song, and Milo enters with his vocals.
Milo capitates the stage in an almost theatrical way, playing towards the lyrics as an act in a way. He looks super hot on stage. For every chorus, Milo forcefully turned around and faced the strings, conducting the super fast part of it. For once, our section seemed cohesive. We played as if it was coming straight out of the studio. The “ooos” and “ahhhs” of the audience felt amazing; it meant that we were exceeding their expectations by a long shot. It meant that we were able to sound just as great as the other ensembles; the whole ensemble! It meant that Milo knew what he was talking about in getting us to perform in the first place. He was the only one that believed in us.
Milo begins to walk over to me, indicating that the solo part was coming up. He looked directly at me with those eyes, the ones where the tint of purple turn into the darkest shade of gray. They were the type of eyes Milo had whenever he felt passionate about something. They were the eyes he had the day we spent at the treehouse. Hungry. Yearning. Perplexed. Intrigued. I stand up from my seat, playing the solo of the bridge as Milo sang.
“You don’t know what you’ve woken, now all you see is a beast,” Milo sang as I played. The strings of my violin were making my fingertips red with each chord; it felt like I was going to draw blood in any moment of that solo.
It was the way his lip drew blood when I bit his lip with my teeth as we kissed. He pulled away for a moment, holding his lip with his fingers.
“Oh my–” I began to say, reaching for my bag for some tissues. “I am so sorry–“
“It’s alright,” Milo said as he wiped his lip with his hand. I immediately swatted his hand away from his face and dabbed the tissue on his lip. He did nothing but look at me with those eyes, barely reacting to the visible cut on his lip. “I can barely feel it.” I looked up at him, mesmerized by his glaze.
“That still doesn’t excuse my teeth thinking you’re some piece of meat,” I responded, still dabbing his lip. He slowly put his hand around my wrist, stopping me from continuing giving him aid. I try to fight it, seeing that blood was still coming from the little puncture hole. “I’m good, Scout.”
“A little bit longer,” I said, trying to put the tissue back on his lip. He’s way stronger than me, pulling my arm away from his face and pinned it against the wall of the treehouse. “Milo–“
“Just…a little bit…longer,” Milo dragged out the closer his lips got to my face. I could smell the vanilla flavored chap stick on him, resulting my frantic applying of it prior to seeing him. The smell was enticing on him. He gently kisses my lips before he deepened it; he was now the one biting my bottom lip.
“You never guessed this would be another side of me,” Milo sang out loud as he was looking at me. I was looking at him. He drags out the high note of the bridge, which means I’m now dragging the last note of this measure before it goes back to normal. He just kept looking at me, and I was completely taken over with his assertive in this situation. It was like he was telling me, “a little bit longer”. He finally ends that final note, gasping for air as he turns around towards the audience, and I sit back down in my seat. The audience reacts in a positive way, applauding as I finished the solo of the piece. It wasn’t long after that the piece finally ended, and as expected the audience loved it. Milo turns around and gestures us to take our bow. He quickly comes toward me, dragging me from my arm to stay standing and walk towards the center of the stage. He puts his arms out in my direction, prompting me to take another bow as the soloist. The audience roars in cheers, which completely takes me off guard. To hear people actually applaud for my violin playing was something I never thought I’d hear being at Waverly.
And of course, it was all because of Milo.
I make the same gesture toward him now, prompting him to take his bow for his unbelievable performance. I can see Milo’s family stand up from their seats, cheering as loud as they can in the school auditorium. I looked at Milo as he looked at me, and the curtain began to close in front of us. It was finally over. If only that moment lasted just a little bit longer. Maybe if we were on that stage for just a little bit longer, I wouldn’t feel this hollow feeling in my chest when he walks away from me, hi-fiving the other members of the string ensemble. As he should. So why do I feel completely empty now?
…
“Ms. Lee,” Mr. Harrison called out as he entered the band room. The other members of the band looked in my direction, unaware of what was happening. “You guys did great tonight,” he commented towards the other students. “Make sure you guys practice that other piece for NYSSMA next week; we will be hopping right on that tomorrow.” The other students grabbed their things and left the room. Mr. Harrison finally put his attention onto me. “I wanted to speak to you before you go home for the night.”
“Is everything okay? Did I mess up on one of the chords on stage or something?” I begin to worry, not knowing why Mr. Harrison would possibly need to talk to me after a performance.
“Quite opposite actually,” Mr. Harrison sits at his desk; I sit in the chair across from it. “We had gotten word that one of the recruiters were interested in one of the students in Milo’s number.”
“Milo got recruited?” I immediately assumed, considering it was his showcase performance. “That’s so exciting, but–“
“No,” Mr. Harrison interrupted me as she responded. “They were interested in you.” He hands me a folder of papers; the folder has a Julliard school logo on it. Julliard?!
“Wait, what?” I shot my head up, looking at Mr. Harrison. “Julliard?”
“They would like for you to join their prospective students program where you would train with their faculty in preparation for admission auditions when you’re a senior. They spoke highly of your performance tonight.” Mr. Harrison looks at me and folds his hands on his desk. “I think this would be a great opportunity for you, Ms. Lee. Not only will it build your confidence in your skill, but it will force you to continue working towards something that not many students are thinking of as freshmen.”
“Not thinking of?”
“College,” he clarified. “You’ve been one of the only students in my freshman class to have asked about music programs in different colleges. Consider this opportunity a reward to your hard work and dedication.” I felt like the smile on my face is glued on my face. Was this really happening? Was I actually good enough for someone important to recognize? Was I actually good enough for anyone?
“Thank you so much, Mr. Harrison,” I quicky said as I get up from the chair. I was so excited that I found myself racing to the front door and anticipate sharing this news with–
Milo.
“Mr. Harrison?” I said as I turn around. “Was I the only one the Julliard representative was interested in?” He had to have spoken to Milo. He had to have told Milo that he was recruited for this program.
“Just you and another student,” he answered. I finally walked out of the band room, trying to replay the sequence of events that just transpired. I was grateful that I was given this opportunity, but guilty that I got it through Milo’s own performance. At least another student also got the folder too.
…
“Hey Soph,” I hear Allen say to me. I turned around and waved at him. He surprisingly sits in the seat next to me in the band room, as if he actually wants to have a conversation with me. “You did great last night at the showcase.”
“Thanks,” I said as I took my binder out of my backpack getting ready for class to start. “It was cool to see people react to our performance for once.”
“It felt good,” Allen added. “To be seen for once.” I looked at Allen, nodding my head. It was exactly how I felt about the strings section. It was nice to experience the same exact feeling as someone who gets it.
“And heard,” I added. “I’m sure we’ll get more opportunities like that.” Allen nodded his head in agreement.
“And you have a direct connection too,” Allen mentioned. I tilted my head, confused now.
“What do you mean?”
“Milo Kamalani,” he replied. “Being friends with benefits with a dual major has its benefits.”
“What?!” I turned my head quickly toward Allen. “What are you talking about?” Allen looks at me as if he just said something he shouldn’t have said out loud.
“I mean, you didn’t hear this from me, but when you were at the graduation earlier, Aaron Serrano was being… Aaron Serrano. He was going on about how people were only talking about the strings at the showcase.” I swallowed hard, fearing the absolute worst. He wouldn’t have–
“And he mentioned you and Milo,” Allen continued to explain. “He said something like, oh Sophie only got the solo because she’s–” Allen looked at me, probably noticing how horrified I look right now. “It’s none of my business, but I felt like you needed to know that was being said about you.”
He did.
Allen gives me a tight smile before clearing his throat, getting up from his seat. That’s when I see it in Allen’s hands. The folder with the Julliard folder.
Letters From Liz. 