It was a late night at Jennifer’s studio for me. I was exhausted having had vocal rehearsal after school for the showcase tomorrow night, and then run straight here in order to finish this dance piece for the recital in a couple of weeks. Jennifer had left for a moment to go home and put the girls down for the night; she trusted me enough to be alone in the dance studio, but didn’t trust me for anything else. It was probably because it was the most serious I was about something in my life. I grew up in this studio. I still remember the days that our parents would come to our dance festivals and watch the different performances in each division. Jennifer, my own sister, was the catalyst for all of the dancers in the neighborhood. Almost every dancer within the neighborhood came to this academy; while some of them took up dance as just an after school activity, very few stayed within the academy. In a sense, I felt like the academy was more of my home than my actual home. This is the place I grew up in. This is truly my safe space.
I continued to practice the dance piece in the studio, allowing the sweat drip down my back as I danced. The music stops and I land my ending position, trying to catch my breath. I hear someone clapping behind me; I rolled my eyes thinking it was Jennifer watching me dance. I turned around to say something to her, like ‘why are you so surprised, you choreographed this dance‘, but was surprised to see someone else.
“What are you doing here?” I asked Milo as he stood at the other side of the room.
“You should know that Jennifer drives me home on the nights I have rehearsal,” Milo said as he sat down on the bench. It bothered me that he was sitting in the studio, sitting in my safe space.
“Well I’m never actually looking for you,” I said as I turned around, walking toward my bag on the floor. “So I wouldn’t know.”
“Funny,” Milo began to say in a sarcastic way. “That wasn’t the case when you saw Sophie and I at the park a week ago.” I immediately freeze in place. Oh my God, did Jennifer say something to him?
“Who says I did?” I turned around and asked.
“Mol,” Milo deadpanned, not entertaining the question. “I don’t care what you do, and would never go out of my way to tell your mom that you were somewhere with a person–“
“The difference is that Aaron’s my boyfriend–“
“Yeah, you mention it every chance you get,” Milo interrupted me. “That still doesn’t answer the question in why would you tell my dad that I was in the park with Sophie. That wasn’t any of your business–“
“Where is this even coming from?” I asked, getting louder. “You get a girl to finally kiss you and all of a sudden you’re the man?” I scoffed as I looked at him. “Please. You’re still the awkward little music freak that I have to save in order for the bullies to not stuff you in a locker at gym–“
“You think you’re special?” Milo begins to laugh. “You’re the girlfriend of a boy that loves his stupid little band more than his actual girlfriend.” I scrunched my eyebrows together, furious at his allegation. “I hear him talk all day in band class, and you never tend to be the subject of the conversation.”
“That girl changed you,” I said, disgusted at his behavior. “You seriously let some girl change your entire personality. It’s sad, really. What? She let you smash and now you’re wrapped around her finger?” I start to laugh, thinking that I got the last one in this conversation. Something was different this time. He didn’t do his usual whine-complain thing he does when I say something absurd like that. I say it to get a reaction, wanting to really find out what it was about Sophie that completely changed him. He wasn’t the same person I entered Waverly High with. That version of Milo was forever gone.
Or maybe fragments of it are still there. I look at Milo’s face. His brows quietly rested back in place. Any color on his face immediately disappeared. It looked like he was about to vomit any second now. My face completely drops, putting together everything like a puzzle I’ve been trying to find the last missing piece for. I went through various amounts of emotions in the time span of the last minute; in control, confusion, revelation.
“Oh my god.” It was all I was able to say as I looked at Milo. Milo froze in place, unable to speak in this moment. “You and Sophie did… it, didn’t you?” I finally asked. Milo’s lack of answer was loud and clear. Fragments of the boy I once knew are still there. I started to take everything in; the last year being in Waverly and how much our lives have changed since the beginning. I remember starting Waverly with Milo, excited to shed the naive, and young middle school Mollie to become the mature, and grown high school version. A new school, despite how many of us came from Beverley Junior High, meant that you had a clean slate to become anyone you wanted to be. I encouraged Milo to do the same, not realizing that in the process, he’d become completely unrecognizable.
I quickly grabbed my stuff from the ground, needing to get away from Milo. He immediately reacted, walking towards me quickly.
“Mol,” Milo begin to say.
“I can’t believe you–” I started to say, unable to finish my sentence.
“Can you just calm down?” Milo pleaded. I couldn’t keep still; the thought that Milo would do the same exact thing he hated for his dad to nag about, followed by the thought of Milo even be capable of doing what he did with Sophie. I didn’t know how to calm down; the only thing I could do is shake my head and let out a laugh. “What?” Milo asked me, seeming annoyed to how I was reacting.
“What do you want me to say? I’m proud of you? Or wait–even better–Dude! Congrats on being the first one to lose their virginity!” I looked at Milo straight in the eyes; his usual purple-colored eyes are now seemingly dark grey. “And you have the nerve to constantly come at me about Aaron when this whole time, you’re fucking a girl that you aren’t officially dating.”
“It was only one time,” Milo defended. “I find it hard to believe that you and Aaron haven’t done it yet.” I couldn’t help but feel the rage seep up in my body.
“Despite what you believe; we haven’t,” I spat back, crossing my arms along my chest. “Even if we were, why would I ever confine in you with something like that? We aren’t friends anymore.”
“So why do you care what Sophie and I do?” Milo debated.
“I don’t,” I emphasized. “What bothers me is that you chose to let go of your best friend after I didn’t tell you about me dating Aaron.”
“Aaron got my dual major status taken away from me, Mol!” he argued. “Your boyfriend was the reason that your best friend couldn’t do what he really wants to do for nearly two months–“
“At least you’re doing what you want to do in Waverly!” I yelled back. “I have to sit there and pretend that vocal is my true passion, learn music and carry out solos just because I couldn’t go for the dance major or become a dual major of my own. You left me because someone that you don’t like did something to you, Milo! And now you’re standing there, trying to convince me that what you and Sophie are doing doesn’t matter? That you tell everyone in the world that you don’t want to become like your parents when you get older, and that you have dreams and goals that mean so much more to you, yet you go and do the same stupid shit that your parents did!” I felt like a broken record talking to Milo. How many different ways am I suppose to tell him that he is just as responsible for our friendship ending? How many times will I run around this circle with him, convincing him that we are letting two people break something that was indestructible. How many faces of Milo am I going to see before I can’t completely recognize him anymore?
I shook my head, grabbing my things and walking toward the exit of the studio. Milo stood there, frozen in place as he’s been this entire time. “Mol,” he finally said as I walked past him. I immediately stopped, as if it was an instant reflex to stop to listen to him.
“You can’t tell anyone,” Milo softly said. That’s when it really hit me. The truth. The severity of the entire conversation. Milo had sex with Sophie. He lost his virginity. “You hear me, Mol?” He walked in front of me, looking at me directly in the eyes. “You hear me?!”
“I hear you,” I finally said, understanding just how serious he was. If I didn’t know Milo well enough, he wouldn’t have ever told me. That bothers me. Even if we ever were to become friends again, I believe this would be something he’d never speak from his lips. It goes against everything he’s told everyone around him. It puts him in the exact place that his dad predicted he’ll be if he continued hanging out with Sophie alone. To some extent, he’s ashamed of what he’s done. But in a strange way, I can understand. Love can make us do some crazy things.
He doesn’t say anything after that, so I continue to walk out of the studio.
I couldn’t help but think about what Milo said. You’re the girlfriend of a boy that loves his stupid little band more than his actual girlfriend. Was that true? Did Aaron only care about his band more than me? I notice a change in him every time his band is mentioned. I understand that he cares about his band a lot; it’s his passion project. It was something that he and his friends grew from the ground up and worked to be where they are at. I get it, yet the truth still upsets me.
I walked out of the studio room to see Jennifer coming out of her office. She looks at me walking down the hall, towards the exit of the door.
“Mollie?” she called out.
“I’m walking home,” I quickly said to Jennifer. “I refuse to sit in the same car as Milo.” I continued walking towards the exit door, not looking back. No U-turns. No second guessing. Nothing.
Letters From Liz. 