The door of Dani and Tanner’s apartment opens; Dani walks in first to turn on the lights. I walked in, looking around the home that she and Tanner made in this studio-sized college apartment. I closed the door behind me, taking off my jacket and putting on the rack with the other hanging coats and jackets.
“Jennifer knows you’re here?” Dani turns around to ask me. “I don’t need my mom spazzing out about how Jennifer is looking for you or some shit.”
“She knows,” I answered as I rolled my eyes, fighting sitting down on the couch. “She was the one that told me you guys had my equipment.”
“That shit is no joke,” Dani began to comment. “The fact that you carry that shit around for gigs is absolute insanity.” I couldn’t help but laugh to myself, not because it was funny, but she was absolutely right about the insanity part.
“That’s the life of DJ Salem,” I said, sighing afterwards. I haven’t even thought about music since the night of the party. If it wasn’t for me needing to finish this art project, I would’ve just left my stuff here at Dani’s. Knowing Dani, she would’ve nagged me about it taking up space in her apartment, and pleading for me to pick it up. Dani comes back to the living room and hands me a can of soda. “Thanks. For both the soda and or taking my equipment after… you know…” It was still so hard to really talk about that night; it seemed like it was hard for Dani to talk about it as well the way she was fidgeting with the can topper on her soda.
“Yeah,” Dani finally said, sighing as she looked up. “It’s nothing. We’re like family.” I nodded, agreeing with her. Dani was more like a sister to me than a friend growing up. She was around for all of the family functions with us; sure we grew up practically wanting to rip each other’s heads off, but she always valued our friendship and supported me when it was needed. “We are family.”
“Tanner would’ve never told you this because I told him not to, but that night really fucks me up when I think about,” Dani admitted. “Like… seeing Rosie laying there was fucking scary. I thought I was looking at a dead body, Micah.”
“I know,” I quickly said, trying to cut Dani off. “I’m sorry for having to put you and Tanner through that.” There was a noticeable silence after that; it was like we didn’t know what to do or say to even continue without addressing the huge elephant in the room. “She’s gonna be okay–“
“Are you okay?” Dani abruptly asked, looking at me now. “Like, seriously dude. You’re worried about Tanner and I as if you didn’t go through this horrific shit.”
“I’m fine,” I simply answered, trying to not worry Dani any more than she already is. Dani looks back down, fidgeting with the nail polish on her nails. She sighed as she got up and walked out of the room. I let out a deep breath, letting out the intensity of this conversation out of my body. I wanted nothing more than to just move forward and leave this shit behind, but I understand the impact it has left, especially with Dani.
I looked up as Dani reentered the room; this time she was holding my backpack with my equipment in it. I get up, helping her gather my things.
“Thanks again,” I said, opening the bag to check if everything was in there. Dani watches over me as I do so. I looked up at Dani again, noticing she still had her hand out with something else in it. I immediately felt my stomach knot up, haunted by the sight. “Is–“
“It’s Rosie’s camera,” Dani finally said, handing it to me. “I saw it on the sidewalk going back to her place and picked it up. I didn’t want anyone to steal it or something.” I slowly took the camera from Dani, analyzing it intently. It seemed like Dani tried to clean the dirt off of it from being on the ground that night. This has to be triggering some PTSD type shit.
“Thanks,” I said, not knowing what else to say. As I gathered my things to get ready to leave, Dani just stood there, watching me. I was used to Dani making snarky comments about everything, and by this time we would’ve had a screaming match of insults with each other. Dani wasn’t being herself; she seemed uncomfortable and quiet. She was definitely in her head with the million thoughts spinning with her. “Dani?”
“You know, for someone that was nearly beaten to death and thrown in bookings for a night, you sure are so fucking nonchalant about it,” Dani finally spat out, seeming angry now. “Like sure; I know you don’t care what happens to you–“
“What do you want me to say, Dani?” I spat back, now defensive. “What is there to possibly say? It happened, and I’m trying to move on from it–“
“Like I said,” Dani yelled to interrupt me. “Maybe you don’t care about what happens to you, but that doesn’t mean that people don’t either.”
“I know, Dani–”
“No, you fucking don’t!” she finally snapped. Her voice echoed the tiny apartment, also piercing through my ears. “You think you know when you don’t! Do you even know the shit I had to go through seeing you laying on the ground with a busted up lip and eye, un-fuckin’-conscious?! Do you know how much damage that shit caused? I couldn’t sleep for days, Micah! I couldn’t stop crying because I had no fucking idea if you were even going to get out of jail that night!” Dani began to cry, feeling frustrated afterwards.
“Dani,” I grabbed her and hugged her tight as she sobbed into my chest. I felt horrible being the reason for Dani’s anxiety lately. Dani wasn’t the type to ever show how she felt, especially with me. She always tried to be this tough chick, but I knew that deep inside there was some softness in her. It wasn’t often that she would break down like this, and quite frankly it’s been a long time since the last time she did.
“Hey,” I finally said, gently pulling Dani to look at her. “I appreciate you looking out for me, and I’m sorry for worrying you. I’m… doing okay. I’m going to be okay.” Dani nodded her head as she quickly wiped her eyes, finally calming down. She took a deep breath before she said anything.
“If you tell Tanner about this, I will kick you in the balls,” Dani said, grabbing the sleeve of her sweater to wipe her face dry. I couldn’t help but laugh. There’s my Dani.
Letters From Liz. 