I ran down the block with my instrument case in my hand and my bookbag on my back. I was nervous that my mum was going to say something about me being late from school today. She been on my case ever since Mrs. Kamalani drove me home that day, after the whole rehearsal space situation with Milo. The one thing I was grateful for that day was that Mrs. Kamalani simply said she was there to drop me home after Milo and I had rehearsal after school. I assumed she wanted me to tell my mum the truth, but knowing how strict she’s been with me since starting Waverly High, it was best to keep certain things to myself.
I walked into the house and called out for my mom, letting her know that I got in on time. She walked in from the kitchen, apron on over her work clothes.
“Soojin,” my mother greeted me as she tied her hair back into a bun. “How was school?”
“It was okay,” I said as I put my instrument case down near the hallway entrance table. “We had a rehearsal right after school; that’s why I was a little late today.” Lies. I was waiting for a boy who promised me pizza after school, not remembering he was grounded for life. “We have a showcase coming up at Julliard; isn’t that exciting?”
“Julliard?” My mum said with her thick, Korean accent. “That’s the fancy music university in the city, right?” I nodded my head before I answered.
“It’s where all of the Waverly students go to college,” I explained, setting up the dinner table for my mum and I. “I heard that Waverly students are the most considered as incoming students; it’s seen as the continuation of Waverly High because those who audition for Julliard tend to get accepted.”
“Music university, huh?” My mum said as she covered the pot on the stove with the lid. She turns around, wiping her hands on her apron. “That’s where you want to go for college?” I sighed, hearing my mum talk about my future plans with college.
“I have time before I have to think about college,” I joked, trying to ease the mood. “It’s still so soon to be thinking about college.”
“Your first year is almost over though,” my mum mentioned as she tend to the food on the stove. “Before you know it, you’ll be taking all those important college entry exams to determine where you will be going.” I looked at my mum as she was finishing making dinner. I didn’t say anything back to her only because I didn’t want to think about something so far ahead in the future. I still had so many things to do and learn before I sat down and thought about college. I still had so many concerts and showcases to perform at, Regents to take, life to live as a high-school student. If the next three years happen the same way as freshman year did…
It was going to take forever to even get to think about college.
“Your father and I just want you to start thinking about the future,” my mum insisted. It bothered me when she brought him into conversation. I know she wanted to believe that he was still included in our family, but the fact was that he had no idea what was going on in my life, and I doubt he even cares to think about where my future is heading. “The possibilities are endless; a biologist, chemist, doctor, lawyer…” I looked at my mum as she started to serve the food on our plates. None of those occupations are offered at Julliard.
“About my showcase coming up,” I said, trying to direct the conversation somewhere else. “Mr. Harrison wants us to meet at the school on Saturday morning at 10. The showcase is supposed to start at noon, so–“
“Which Saturday? This Saturday?” my mum interrupted me to ask. I nodded my head yes, which made her seem a bit annoyed. “Soojin, you can’t go.”
“Wait, what?” I asked. “I have to go! It’s a part of my grade and I have a solo in the piece and–“
“That is the Saturday we are going to visit your father,” my mum answered in a stern manner. “His birthday is this upcoming Tuesday and I told him we would all be there to visit him.”
“Mum,” I said, not knowing what else to say at this point. “I can’t miss this performance!”
“You can’t make it to all of them, Soojin,” my mum began to argue with me. “I understand that this means a lot to you, but you have to understand that there are more important things in life that takes priority.”
“Oh, so you’re saying to just get a failing grade in my major?!” I questioned, getting angry now. “You’re telling me to miss my performance because we have to see my father who is incarcerated for doing things without considering how it affects the daily lives of his family?”
“He’s your father regardless whatever he did!” my mum shouted as she slammed her hand on the table top. The silverware made a noise as she did, which made the entire room feel intense. I was angry; furious. Time and time again I felt like I had to out aside my wants and needs for people that wouldn’t do the same for me. Band ensemble was the only thing that I wanted to do and had control over doing in a world where I really had no other say. My music was the only thing I ever felt good at and in control with at the same time. I will not allow anything, not even my father, ruin that for me.
I was in control of my wants, needs, and values in life, even if they meant I had to go against everything I was raised to believe.
“Fine,” I said, excusing myself from the table. “I will let Mr. Harrison know that I will not be able to attend this showcase because I have an obligation to see my father who out his needs first before his families and now has the next 5 years to deal with the consequences. That 0% next to my name for this showcase will look great on my report card this marking period.
“Soojin-ah!” my mum called out for me, but I simply ignore her and head upstairs to my room. No, mum. You will not make my decisions for me; whether they are for my present or for my future.
…
It was now Saturday morning; the air was warmer than it had been in the last couple of weeks. Going from the Winter chill to the Spring breeze made the mornings a bit more bearable to be awake for, and I was happy to see that out of all the mornings we had this week, today was the warmest of them all.
I walked down the block, feeling my heart rate increase with each step that I made. A part of me was telling me to do what was expected of me. That part of me, the one where I was this perfect daughter that did everything according to her parents, reminded me that I am where I am because of the guidance of my parents. The other part of me, the one I’ve grown to admire and follow, is telling me to keep going. Keep going after what matters to you, Sophie.
I stopped and smiled once I got to the building. The wave of anxiety I felt was immediately let out as soon as I saw him standing there looking back at me. This calmness, this certainty, and this newfound of emotions I had felt since that day everything changed was all because of him.
“You made it,” he said as he walked up to me.
“I did,” I said, smiling back at Milo.
Letters From Liz. 