It was the last class of the day, but I dreaded going to my dad’s vocal class. I know that if my dad were to ever revoke my dual status at Waverly, he would purposely take me out of band just so that I was still in his line of sight at school. My dad has shown me time and time again that he doesn’t trust me no matter what I do, so the best way to keep me in line is to threaten my status and take away the only thing I give a fuck about in Waverly.
I walked into the vocal room and looked around; all of my classmates were talking among themselves. I glanced over at Mollie sitting in one of the corners with Aaron. At this point, there was nothing I can do to save my former best friend from utter heartbreak, and eternal embarrassment. She simply made her bed and now she has to lay in it. I turned away, looking at my dad talking to a couple of students near his desk. I sat in my assigned seat without saying a single word. I had nothing to say to anyone; my status was on probation all because Mollie decided to drop me as her friend. Best friend.
…
I walked out of the vocal room once the bell rang; I had to have been the first one out of there. I wanted to leave as quickly as possible. I felt like I was suffocating all period; having to hear Aaron’s voice through quartets and looking at my father’s direction every time Mollie and Aaron did a thing. It’s like he wanted to create any opportunity to revoke my status, which didn’t make any sense considering he pressured me in becoming a damn dual major.
I walked toward the hallway, leading me to the exit of the school. I was power walking at this point, desperately trying to get out of this bad luck of a school–
“Milo!” I hear a girl’s voice call out. I immediately stopped, turning around to see Sophie in the middle of the crowded hallway. Everyone began to move in slow-motion; the only thing that was focused was Sophie. What is this feeling? Why do I feel like this all of a sudden?
She walks in my direction before stopping in front of me.
“Where’d you been all day?” Sophie asked, looking up at me.
“I’ve been here,” I answered. I looked behind Sophie and noticed Aaron and Mollie walking out of the vocal room, hands intertwined with one another. I looked down at Sophie. “You busy after school?”
“I’m not,” she answered, smiling at me. “I figured that I come and find you since I didn’t get to see you in band today.”
“You were looking for me?” I asked, smiling. That’s cute.
“Well if I just said that I didn’t see you in class today, doesn’t that indeed tell you I was looking for you?” If there’s a debate club around, Sophie needs to join it.
“I guess so,” I teased. Sophie began to walk toward the school exit; I willingly followed behind her.
“Where to, Scout?” I asked Sophie. She doesn’t answer right away, but I’ve noticed that we’re walking opposite of what we usually walk after school. “Scout?”
“The Den,” Sophie answered as she walked. The Den was what we called the stage at the park Sophie took me to for our middle school project. Why would Sophie just take me to her spot all of a sudden? We haven’t been there since the project. I didn’t say anything back; I didn’t want to ask her all of these questions if she already has something planned in mind. These were some of the things I’ve let Sophie take control of; pacing her time to sit down and talk about whatever might be on her mind. For me, it was an agonizing waiting game before getting to The Den.
Once we got there, Sophie walked ahead of me, jumping on the stage and walking around on it. I slowed down, walking to the front row and taking a seat. Sophie turned around and faced me.
“What?” she asked me with a smile on her face.
“Nothing, just giving you your deserved time to shine,” I teased, pretending to cheer her on. She laughed as she sat down at the edge of the stage. I get up from my seat to go and sit next to her on the stage. She watches me as I do. “I feel like I haven’t talked to you in so long.”
“I know,” Sophie said, looking down at her hands. “I guess it’s been a rough couple of days for us, huh?” I sighed loudly, reflecting back on those days. Life has felt weird since having that talk with my dad; it feels like I am constantly walking on eggshells in school, hoping nothing would put my dual status in jeopardy.
“Yeah,” I simply answered. “You want to talk about it?” Sophie looked uneasy. “You don’t have to if you don’t want to, it’s just that we’re–“
“In my safe space,” Sophie finished my sentence. She put on a faint smile before taking a deep breath. “Everything has been stressful. Between the rehearsals and showcases and performances and just life in general… I feel like I haven’t been able to breathe.”
“I know how you feel,” I agreed. I paused before I began to vent what was on my mind. “My dad kinda threatened my dual status after my fight with Mollie in his class.”
“What?” Sophie said, shocked. “Why?”
“He thinks I’m not taking the program seriously,” I explained, growing annoyed. “So he told me that if I get into any trouble, he’ll personally revoke my status.”
“Which major would he revoke from you?” she asked, looking worried. I didn’t answer right away, but I know Sophie already had an idea of which one I’d be removed from. “Why would he take away your band major?”
“Because he knows–” I began to say, but quickly held back. My dad was willing to take my band major away from me for two reasons: he knows that I prefer it over vocal, but also because he knows this is the only class I have with Sophie. He wasn’t stupid; he knew exactly how to make my life a living, walking hell. “Because he knows how to make my life miserable, that’s why.”
“I don’t think that would be the reason,” Sophie debated, playing with the chain of her necklace. “You have been getting in trouble a lot in school, maybe he’s just trying to scare you into behaving better.”
“I know my own dad, Scout,” I nagged, not appreciating the fact that she wasn’t supportive or agreeing with me. “I know when he’s doing the absolute most just to make my life harder than it needs to be.”
“What he’s doing is seeing your full potential being in the dual major program in the first place,” Sophie pointed out, crossing her arms along her chest. “You’re allowing Mollie and Aaron to jeopardize your status.”
“I’m not allowing anyone to do anything,” I snapped back, getting upset. “Are you Team Mollie and Aaron now or something?”
“I’m Team “Doing the Right Thing” Milo,” Sophie spat back at me. “Your dad is only trying to look out for you. People like Mollie and Aaron are going nowhere but to each other to hang out, kiss, and be a couple. They do not give a damn if your status gets revoked, but you care so much about them and what they are doing.”
“Mollie was my best friend!” I yelled out, getting up from the stage. “My dad’s only agenda is to make sure Mollie and I stay friends to keep Jennifer happy! He doesn’t give a shit about how I feel or what I’m going through as long as I follow in line and do what he wants me to do–“
“At least your father cares about you!” Sophie yelled at me, also standing up on the stage. She looks up at me, straight in the face when she does. “Your dad actually cares about your wellbeing and wants you to do better because he knows you can do better! How dare you say he only does these things for his benefit! I know what it’s like to have a parent that only does things for his own benefit!” I didn’t say anything back to Sophie. I just looked down at her, waiting for her to continue. “My father attempted suicide in prison last week! He tried to end his life because he couldn’t take being in prison anymore without considering what it would have done to my mum and me!”
“I-” I began to say, random sounds slipping out of my mouth trying to put a response together. This is what she wanted to talk about. This is why we came here in the first place. She trusted me enough to tell me this.
“Save it,” Sophie dismissed, grabbing her bookbag from the ground and putting it on. “I’m leaving–“
“Sophie, wait,” I tried to get her attention; she clearly did not want to hear it at this point. “Listen, I didn’t know–“
“Of course you didn’t; how would you,” she mocked, walking towards the stairs on the side of the stage. “It doesn’t matter now.”
“Of course it does,” I shouted across the stage as Sophie stopped. She didn’t turn around to face me; she simply just stood there looking forward. “It’s always gonna matter, and if you needed to talk about it out loud, then I am so sorry for making it about me.” Sophie still doesn’t turn around. “I knew you needed to tell me something, or else we wouldn’t have come to your safe space today. I know that because I listen to you, and I care about what you have to say.” I meant what I said, Scout.
Sophie slowly turns around and looks at me; her eyes are puffy and her nose is red. She was crying. I began to walk over to her, faster and faster the closer I got to her. Once I finally got to where she was standing, I wrapped my arms around her and hugged her. One thing that I wish I got a lot more of were hugs. A hug to let me know I was protected and safe, that my feelings mattered and that whatever I was going through actually made sense. If I couldn’t get that, I would want the next person who needed it get it. Sophie; she needed it much more than I did in this moment. I squeezed her tight as I hugged her, hearing her quietly weep in my chest. She depended on me, and in a way I knew I depended on her too. We both needed each other to keep ourselves grounded in the mist of teenage chaos.
I felt her loosen her grip, which made me let her go from our hug. She sniffled, wiping her eyes with the sleeve of her sweater.
“Sorry, I’m a mess,” Sophie said as she wiped her tears from her cheek. I shook my head, looking down at her.
“Not even close,” I reassured her. She looked up at me and faintly smiled. At that moment, I wanted to do nothing more than kiss her front and in center stage. I’ve wanted to kiss her since the last time I got to kiss her. We stood there, staring at each other for what felt like literal hours; nothing else around us mattered. Maybe I should kiss her…
Before I was able to lean in to kiss her, we both jump up to a voice of an adult. We looked out towards the seating area and noticed a park-keeper talking to us.
“Hey! You’re not allowed to be here!” they shouted as they began to walk closer to us. We both grabbed our bags and jumped off the stage, running out of The Den before we got in any more trouble. That’s the last thing I need to happen to me today.
Letters From Liz. 