I hear it from older generations all the time; people these days do not know how to socialize the way that they did when they were our age. I agree with them even though they are talking about my generation and the one after mine. I can’t speak for Gen Z, but I can say that for us millennials, we were on the right track of knowing how to socialize; that was until the internet and social media blew up. I can remember being a young teenager having to make the effort to pick up the landline phone and speak over the phone if I wanted to talk to my friends. I had to actually make plans verbally with people and let them know this is where we were meeting up because once we left our house, we had no way to get in contact with our friends. I can honestly say that when I was younger, I felt like I was on the right track of being a social butterfly; these days not so much.
Do I blame the internet and social media for my demise of being social? No. For me, my lack of social skills stems from a place of trauma and only dealing with it way after it actually affected my skills and ability to be social. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not this person that just sits at their computer all day and writes other people’s stories because mine is too boring to tell. I still interact with tons of people and able to speak to people (sometimes, when I’m feeling confident) but for me as a person, I find myself being the best version of myself when I am in my own company, being my own best friend.
Hi, my name is Liz, and socially I’m alone, but I am not a lonely person. Does that make sense? Lemme explain.
I guess this topic is coming up from me because this time last year, I lost the only friend group I had since probably being back in high school. Yes, this friend group were consisted of people I never met in person and that I met online through a community, but it didn’t change the fact that I shared a ton of my life with these people and considered them just as much as my friends I would have in-person. Losing that friend group completely made me question a ton of stuff about myself and who I was as a person. Why was I so quick to cut people out of my lives when something like this could’ve been discussed and avoided? This seems to be the question that a lot of people who are social and have tons of friends would ask those who tend to cut ties quickly, and they are right; how come it is so easy for us these days to cut ties with people that we put our trust and care into when one thing goes wrong? Why is it so hard for us to sit down and have these difficult conversations with those we love when they hurt us or if we hurt them?
I can’t speak for anyone else when I say this, but for me I would talk things out with people in situations that I knew needed to end right then and there. I used to hoarder people in my life to the point that eventually I learned that it hurt me more to hold on than to let go in the end. For me, once I began practicing self-worth and assertiveness, I lost my ability to have these tough conversations with people, and at the end of the it all, I was back to square one.
Our generation specifically have been smothered in this idea that you are the best version of yourself when you make decisions that benefit your well being. It’s not a stupid ideology; we are the generation that began to have these conversations about mental health and just how important it was to take care of it. But, we have took that ideology to the extremes when it comes to interacting with other people, whether it be romantic or platonic.
Losing a friend group as an adult is so different than losing one as a teenager. As an adult, there’s no one fighting for your friendship the way we did as teens and as an adult, no one has the time to sit back and reflect how their actions may have affected you. We’re too busy living life as full-grown adults, trying to make it day by day in it. So when we cut people out of our lives due to anger and emotional distress, we don’t realize that these temporary feelings lead to permanent decisions. Then we end up alone.
So, am I going on this tangent because I regret my decision of cutting ties with my friends in my past? No. I made the best decision that I thought was best in the heat of the moment, when I was crying in my break room at the job on an emergency therapy appointment because I felt incapable of continuing my day. Everyone has their reasons of why they cut ties with people, but at the end of the day, we have to realize that if we aren’t able to be our own company, sit in our own thoughts, and learn how to be our own damn best friend, reconsider your options.
For me, I am used to be alone socially. I don’t have friends I see every weekend and go out with. I don’t have friends to vent to when I am feeling angry or depressed about a situation. I cannot name 5 people that I consider my friends that I can confidently say that if I were to ever get married, would be a part of my bridal party. is it sad? Of course. Someone in their 30s should have a solid group of people they see or talk to regularly, but for me it’s not a priority because, well, I am the best version of myself when I’m by myself.
“Oh, but that must be a lonely feeling to constantly have.”
I am not lonely. I have family that I live with and talk to every single day. I have coworkers I see five days a week and talk to when we get the chance. I have acquaintances that will comment and reply to a story on social media, sparking up conversation. I have a pretty awesome partner that I get to laugh and have fun with. I have my creativity and my writing universes that nurture me as a person. I have myself.
And that’s okay with me.
Letters From Liz. 