I bump my head along to the song that Aaron and his band are playing on stage. It was surreal to be watching a live performance on the sidelines while being backstage; it made me feel important and cool to watch the show just feet away from the stage. Every now and then, Aaron looked towards the side of stage at me, smiling as he played his guitar and sang the songs. It made me feel giddy and definitely made me blush.
After his band finishes the song, the audience applauds and cheers out loud. The guys on stage take a sip of water from their bottles before they say anything to the audience. Aaron is the first to start talking.
“What’s up, Gravesery Hall!” Aaron shouts out as the crowd goes wild. “That’s what we like to hear! Anyway, thank you guys for coming out tonight and letting us perform a couple of our classics for you guys.” Aaron looks over at me before he looks back towards the audience. “We have some awesome new music coming your way, including with this amazing and talented vocalist I’ve got the pleasure in getting to know and falling in love with.” The audience reacts in an ‘aww’, and my face is instantly hot from blushing. “Fun little fact about this insanely talented vocalist,” Aaron began to say. “Today just so happens to be her birthday!” Aaron not only is looking at me, but he begins to walk over to me, which instantly makes me nervous.
“What are you doing?” I asked. Aaron just smiles and grabs my hand, pulling me toward the stage. It happened so quickly, but I now found myself standing on the stage with Aaron’s band in front of a full audience.
“Give it up for Mollie, guys!” The audience cheers as I look out toward it; it was surreal to see so many people cheering someone like me… someone that they don’t even know. “I think it’s only right to sing happy birthday to Mollie, don’t you think?” The crowd reacts by cheering loudly. I hide my face with my hands, embarrassed with all the attention on me. I watch Aaron get his guitar ready, looking at me while still trying to talk through the microphone. “One, two, three!”
I look out toward the crowd and watch them sing ‘happy birthday’ along with Aaron. I look back at Aaron playing the song on his guitar while singing. For my last birthday, I spent it with my family and Milo didn’t even show up for it. I hated my birthday last year because I felt so alone on it. A year later, I’m standing on a stage with a band who’s lead singer is my boyfriend and is making the crowd sing with him. I may not know all those people out in the crowd, but to be a part of a moment that felt as real and genuine like this makes me feel good. Happy. Seen. Who would’ve thought Aaron Serrano would make me feel all of these amazing things? It sometimes even feels too good to be true.
The birthday song ends and the crowd cheers loud. I smile and bow as a thank you since there were literally no words to describe how I was feeling besides in love. I look at Aaron and smiled at him; of course, he returns the smile in the cutest and purest way.
“So,” Aaron starts to say once the crowd quiets down. “I think the best way to end the night is to have Mollie join us for one of those songs she’s been working on with us!” I looked at Aaron in immediate panic; of course I wasn’t preparing to sing in front of an entire audience tonight.
“I didn’t agree to this, Aaron,” I whispered in his ear. “I came here to support you guys.”
“This will be a great way to introduce you to the world, Mols,” Aaron explained. “They deserve to hear your voice.” I looked out to the audience as Aaron began to walk away from the microphone.
“What song are we singing?” I turned around to ask Aaron. He smiled before he answered.
“Your favorite one,” Aaron answered. I looked towards the audience with the microphone and stand in front of me. I took a deep breath before I said anything.
“Thank you for having me tonight,” I began to say. “I think we should end this night by singing a song about unapologetic being yourself by kindly telling the haters to fuck off.” The crowds cheers loudly as I look back at Aaron. He smiles as he starts playing the chords of the song.
I turned around to face the microphone and began singing one of the many songs his band and I have been rehearsing for the past couple of months. The beat of the drum vibrated the small stage we were standing on, and Aaron’s electric guitar echoed the small concert hall. I start to dance around the stage as I began to sing the lyrics to the song. This feeling being up on stage feels… good. It’s not the same feeling I would get dancing at competitions or recitals; for some reason this feels different. I feel open and… free.
I take the microphone off of the stand and began to get more into the song; the way I would when we would rehearse them at the studio. I dance around, leaning towards the edge of the stage to get close to the audience. I flip my hair away from my face and continue to sing the song, walking over to Aaron and fiercely dance to the guitar solo. He keeps his eyes on me the entire time he plays the guitar for his solo; it was… magical. I get sucked into his eyes and it’s suddenly just us. We’re performing for each other. Performing is our love language.
I turn away and finish the song at the microphone stand, belting the high notes toward the end of it. The song officially ends and the crowd cheers louder than before. I turn around to look at Aaron. He looks at me and sticks his tongue out while putting up the “rock on!” sign. It makes me laugh. He makes me feel so full.
…
I scroll through my phone mindlessly as I sit on the living room sofa. I can’t help but stumble across Sophie’s Instagram and watch her stories. Tons of books bought from a local bookstore, pictures of the winter scenery in the city. I’m glad that she’s been doing okay since the showcase; can’t say the same for me.
I exited out of Sophie’s profile and tap on Mollie’s. Her stories are her at a concert; I an only imagine it’s– what? I pause the story and look around the video. I see Mollie is on stage with Aaron Serrano and his dumb band. The video continues to play and the audience starts to sing “happy birthday” to Mollie. This is how she’s spending her birthday today? With that loser? I immediately exit the Instagram app and toss my phone next to me on the sofa. Jennifer walks into the living room to continue cleaning up.
“Everything okay, Milo?” Jennifer asked as she gave me a quick glance. I sighed before I answered.
“Yeah, I’m fine,” I simply answered, trying to hide my annoyance from Jennifer. It’s always weird to be in a fight with Mollie; I always feel like I have to hide it from Jennifer since she’s Mollie’s older sister. Sometimes it’s hard to confine in Jennifer as a parent figure in my life when she’s related to the one person that I have most of my problems with.
“You sure?” she asked once more. “I mean, I would’ve thought you’d be with Mollie today for her birthday.”
“She had other plans,” I answered back, trying to not show her how annoyed I am that her ‘other plans’ are with Aaron Serrano; the boy she stupidly fell for. “So here I am.” I try not to look at Jennifer when saying this, but I can see from the corner of my eye that she keeps looking back at me, analyzing my expressions. Jennifer always did that; she always knew there was more than what I was leading on. That’s what made it hard to get things past her; it was easier to do with my dad.
“I see,” Jennifer simply stated as she continued to pick up toys from the floor. Once she got up, she sighed and looked at me. “How’s Sophie been? I haven’t seen her come around in awhile.”
“She’s fine,” I quickly said, lying through my teeth. “She’s in the city with her mom today.” The only good thing about social media is that when parents think you’re friends with someone you’re not really friends with anymore, you can always pretend you’re still cool with them by knowing what they are doing online. Jennifer paused to look at me before she walked out of the living room. She definitely knows more than she’s leading on.
I grabbed my phone from the sofa and click back to Mollie’s profile to finish watching her stories. Now she’s singing on stage with Aaron’s band. That’s annoying. If she wanted to be in a band, we could’ve created one ourselves. She continues to sing on stage, walking around and owning it like she’s done this so many times before. She looked natural being on the stage. Fuck, dude. She’s really good being a lead singer of a band.
I rolled my eyes and turned my phone off completely; I couldn’t keep looking at my former best friend living her best life being the rockstar’s girlfriend. I couldn’t keep looking at the person that Mollie turned into because she didn’t look anything like my best friend anymore. She’s older now, caring about her appearance and hanging out with a different crowd of people. With a boyfriend that was a horrible human being. I got up from the sofa and just walked toward my room.
“Milo?” Jennifer called out from the kitchen area. I don’t answer. I just enter my bedroom and close the door behind me.
Letters From Liz. 