Time flies when you think about it.
In 2021, 2023 felt like it was a long way. At the time, I was thinking a lot of things: in 2023 I would be 29, God knows where I was going to be work wise, and it would be 2 years from having weight-loss surgery.
Hi, my name is Liz, and this Wednesday marks 2 years since having gastric bypass surgery.
I look back at pre-surgery Liz through videos and photos saved in the archives of Instagram, remembering the things she was into and mentally where she was. Her life was surrounded by K-pop on the days she didn’t have to focus on doctor appointments and tests for clearance. She was a bookseller, lifting 50 lbs of books during our chargeback season & training the new booksellers for the upcoming Fall semester starting in August. I requested my two weeks sick leave prior to my surgery date that summer, and when that last day of work came before that take off, I didn’t imagine returning with my life being completely different.
The night of July 11th, I didn’t realize that the person that sat at the kitchen table wasn’t going to ever return. Physically, it was a given; after the surgery would start the 2 year weight loss journey, but mentally? I don’t think I could even remember the person that was Liz before her life completely changed.
I knew that life was going to change for me, but it never surprises me just how much of it really has changed. I entered this journey being 311 pounds and wearing a 4XL and size 32 in pants. I never left my house due to how exhausted I always felt; especially in the summer. I felt older, like middle age old, and I was not even close to being that age. Two years later, I am 170 pounds and wearing a L and size 14 in pants. I can’t sit in one place for too long without feeling the need to get up and go somewhere. I am currently writing this on a beautiful and sunny day at a park because I didn’t want to write inside the house. I have this energy—all this built-up energy— to do the things I never wanted to do when I was heavier. Physically I feel the greatest I ever felt, and of course a lot of that reflects how my mental health has been as well.
Sure, it’s not all peaches and cream when I speak about my mental journey these last two years, but I’ve been in places mentally that I dreamt of being in when first starting my healing back in 2018.
I’ve mentioned a lot in past blog posts that this journey has giving me the confidence to practice methods and techniques that challenges my social anxiety. Because I was changing habits physically for a better health, I now felt ready to change habits I’ve developed during the time I was defined by my mental illnesses. On one side, it has enhanced my love for life; I don’t ever feel like life is not worth living. I don’t allow life to pass day-by-day without doing the things that feeds my soul. It’s allowed me to become independent and able to do things without an entourage. On the other side, it’s also tested a lot of the relationships in my life that knew me as the Liz that was submissive, dependent, and unable to speak up for herself. A lot of those relationships have either drastically changed, or are simply not in my life anymore. It’s been a give and take situation; I have given more to myself now that I am learning to love myself and heal my inner selves, but in return life took the people that felt needed was necessary in order to evolve.
As I sit at the park I used to come to with my middle school friends every Friday after school, I remember that this journey has not been to only better myself and live a healthier future. This journey has only made it this far for the past versions of myself; the ones that accepted life for what it was and lived life day-by-day unfulfilled. I ask the questions that they always wanted to ask I speak up because they wanted to but was too afraid to do. I challenge my comfort zone and my limits because I once lived a life that I thought I would never do so. I live for them, in all honesty, in hopes to look back in the future and remember that this was my redemption story, and I’ll be who I’ll be because of who I am now.
Two years marks the end of the journey; weight-loss will not be as easy as it has been since having surgery in 2021. I celebrate the end of this journey knowing that the true test is yet to come. I am now entering a new era, a new journey of maintaining this weight loss and continue living my life taking both my physical and mental health. It scares the shit out of me knowing that the weight can come back if I’m not careful, but that’s another story for another blog post. Right now, I am celebrating all the amazing things happening in my life; I am celebrating myself for making it this far and even through the hellish parts of this journey, I am still here. I am still level-handed. I still know the direction I am going in.
And I will keep going in the direction I want to go down.
Happy 2 years, Liz. We’re proud of all of the work you’ve done to make it to this point. Now let’s get out of this park and grab ourselves a summertime drink on the way home.
Letters From Liz. 